Illumination
by samalane
Summary: In the hallway, he releases his own shaky breath and wonders how he is supposed to deal with this. LxLight drabble.
1. 2 am

It's been a long time, and I'm pretty rusty- I think my writing makes that abundantly obvious. Please be patient, then, while I get back into the swing of things?

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2 a.m.**

L watches discreetly as his brunette companion gently nestles into the blankets and pillows he's arranged around himself, the chain linking them together jingling lightly, almost cheerfully, betraying the nearly sinister reason for its existence. Light sighs in contentment, and L watches attentively; listens closely, because this boy intrigues him like no other ever has.

"Stop staring," the honeyed tenor mumbles, coated with exhaustion, and L feels just the tiniest built of guilt (because really, the boy endured fifty days of solitary confinement and a faked execution only to be chained to L and forced to work with an insomniacs almost suicidal work ethic), but quickly dismisses it (after all, it was Light himself who proposed the confinement, and if the boy wasn't so stubborn and had asked if they could retire L would have agreed- grudgingly, but he knows most people cannot work like he does).

L doesn't bother to remove his gaze from the teen, because Light's eyes are closed and even if he can feel L's stare, he will not be conscious much longer to experience. Already, L watches in fascination as the boy's body relaxes even further into the mattress, as his breathing steadies out and his face becomes lax. L has noted time and time again (both over monitors and in person) that Light looks deceptively innocent when asleep. He curls into himself, his features becoming soft and peaceful. Despite the angelic exterior, L knows what lies beneath, and the knowledge makes the corners of his lips curl up in amusement.

L turns away from the boy and drags his laptop over onto his lap. He starts up the machine, opens programs and files, and stares at them, attempting to gain some insight on the case while Light sleeps. As the minutes slip by and Light begins his sleep cycles, L works. Light shifts in his sleep, and L ignores him in favour of working. The information is not enthralling, not the least bit interesting, but L feels it must be done, and what better time to do it when he is free of the rest of the taskforce and their needs. Here, alone in bed with Light (this makes the back of his neck prickle pleasantly) he can work without interruption, without any inane chatter or insipid comments to snare his attention and drag him into the mundane.

L is successful at this for about an hour, until Light has shifted much closer to him, and L has become distracted with the warm puffs of air against his hip. Admittedly, the steady rise and fall of Light's chest does nothing to help him concentrate, and after a time L realizes that he isn't even trying to look at the laptop anymore, instead focusing on the way Light's eyes flutter rapidly beneath their delicate lids.

Maybe, he thinks, he should sleep. Or attempt to sleep, at the very least, since he is no longer working. For a few moments L deliberates between work and sleep, all the while gazing at the figure beside him. In the end, an attempt to sleep wins, and L saves files and shuts down programs. He turns off the laptop and places it gently on the night table. Careful of the chain, lest the clanking and jingling wake Light up, L situates himself under the covers and slowly slides down, until his head is level with Light's and he can look the boy in the face.

What a sight, he muses, and takes the moment to appraise the boy's undoubtedly beautiful features. Neither of them remembered to draw the curtains when they (Light) stumbled into the room and onto the bed. Now, the silver moonlight shines in and casts Light in its glow. L decides it is ironically fitting, for Light to be bathed in moonlight, and gazes at him, drinking in the ethereal beauty that only the middle of the night can give. It is one of the darkest hours in the morning, so dark that it feels as though the whole world is silent and asleep. Though L knows this to be untrue, for even Tokyo is alive at this time of the night, like all cities.

L settles down into the bed, and lets a small smile slip through his carefully constructed mask. Yes, he decides, Light looks his best under the pale moonlight, in the darkest hours of the night. When he is peaceful and innocent at two 'o' clock in the morning.


	2. Metaphor

Please review. Even it's it's condescending, I like feedback. Like I mentioned earlier, this is a recovery process- it's been a long time since I've written, especially fanfiction.

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**Metaphor**

It is a rare occurrence, but Light finds himself reminiscing, about his days spent in high school in particular. A part of him wonders at the sudden nostalgia- heaven knows he's glad to be freed from those confining walls and monotonous lessons. Nonetheless, Light finds himself recalling a warm, sunny day, one where he had been gazing blankly out the window while his teacher droned on about the use of metaphor.

It isn't the building that makes Light ache; it isn't the teacher, isn't the lesson and most definitely is not his classmates. Ultimately, Light supposes, it's the innocence that he held during those days. When he was still young and relatively carefree- when his biggest worries were maintaining the behavior that was expected from him and meeting a girl who would not bore him to tears. He misses the lazy afternoons spent helping his sister with her homework and assisting his mother with housework. He misses running to the store for his mother on some last minute errand, left with his thoughts and the clean air to keep him company. He misses the homemade food and worrying over their father during dinner; he misses assisting his father on tough cases the few days he managed to make it home for dinner. He misses eating potato chips and doing homework, misses kicking Sayu out of his room when she attempts to hijack his television and force him to watch dramas with her.

With a start, Light realizes that he misses his life. The boring, dull monotony that he lived before he ever laid eyes on the Death Note. The life he had to give up in order to achieve his dream, in order to make the world a better place.

It isn't often that Light has these sorts of regrets, so he decides to let the pain run its due course instead of stopping it where it is. Sometimes it's nice to look back on the happy, gentle days of his youth. When the world was black and white and seemed to make sense. Not that Light can't make sense of the world now. Indeed, he knows exactly what he's doing and how he'll achieve it.

He just wishes it were a little easier, maybe. Because for all of his slovenly habits and lack of personal hygiene, Light has finally found someone worthy of his attentions, someone who he thinks that under normal circumstances, he could call his friend. Yes, Light admits that Ryuuzaki, _L_, could be his friend, if they were two normal university students. But they're not, and even though L has told Light that he's his friend (first ever, in fact, and Light doesn't know if he's supposed to laugh or pity the man) L is most definitely not Light's friend. He is his enemy, an obstruction, an untamed force that could easily sweep away all of his goals and sacrifices and hard work if Light isn't careful.

He has finally met his match, and sometimes, Light doesn't know if he should laugh or cry. And it's those moments when Light reminisces. About simple, carefree days when he was taught the proper use of metaphor.


	3. Sky

**Sky**

L is the sort of man who spends the majority of his time indoors. This is not entirely because of his line of work, though admittedly, it is a hassle to bring all of his equipment and files outside, when a sudden turn in the weather demands that he returns them all into the dry space of whatever building he is residing in. A large part of it is the security risks- L cannot risk having anyone see his face, remember him (which he supposes would be easy, since he often looks like the living dead, as Light has so kindly pointed out) or somehow create a relationship between either his own name or aliases and his face. L does not voluntarily choose to spend his time indoors (though it could be argued that he did, when he decided to take on the role of the top three detectives in the world) no, he likes to believe that rather, it is an _involuntary_ decision to remain shut up and quite literally locked away.

And yet, L loves the outdoors. More specifically, he loves the outdoors at Whammy's. There are all sorts of reasons for this to make sense, the first and most prominent being that L was raised at Whammy's, and it is the home that no other building will ever be to him. Logically following from that reason is that L feels safe both indoors and outdoors at Whammy's. The place and its surroundings are a source of comfort and familiarity for L (as it is, the head chef is the very same head chef that L became close friends with as a child- every time he comes to visit his favourite cake is waiting for him, strictly forbidden from the children).

What L likes best, about the outdoors and nature, is the sky- particularly the sky in England. And particularly the sky viewed from Whammy's. On grey, rainy days, the ones everybody grumbles and moans about, L likes to spend the whole day in Whammy's massive library, curled up on one of the window seats, reading a good crime novel, where he can occasionally glance out and up at the dark, swirling mass above him. He likes to pause life and lose himself in the twirling, twisting shadows high above him, likes to remember how very mortal he is (for these storms, these were prophetic once; were divine and feared). L loves the flash of lighting, the thrill of fear that makes him shiver just a little (and he will never admit that to anyone but himself) and he loves the rolling thunder that follows, loud and ominous. More often than not, though, there are no storms, and L finds peace in the gentle, grey days where the rain falls down steadfastly, soaking everyone and everything. The sound of the rain and the damp soothe L, and so with every hint of grey sky L inevitably finds himself drawn to the library (when he is home, of course).

But L is inside more often than not, much more often than not, so he has to admit that in the end, sunny days are his favourites; sunny days at Whammy's, to be specific. He does not mind if fluffy white clouds dot the sky, as long as the majority is blue and the sun is shining. When the weather is mild and the sky the way he likes it, L will willingly pick up whatever he feels he needs (sometimes case files, sometimes a laptop, always a book and Whammy brings him his sweets and tea frequently throughout the day, no matter _where_ he is). L loves choosing a tree to sit beneath, where the sun will not burn him, and loves listening to the shrieks and laughter of the children who also spill out onto the lawn to enjoy the sun. Quite often L catches the bright glint of gold and a messy russet, and he smiles as two of his three protégée's run around blissfully, freely, happily. Sometimes the third, the youngest, will tentatively join L in the shade, with a puzzle or a book, and just sit silently. L enjoys his silent companion, it makes him glad to know that they trust him. On these days, the other two will occasionally run over and sit with L for a break; they'll ply him with questions and eagerly devour his answers; the three will taunt one another, though never too harshly in L's presence, and then the energetic ones will be off again, until they need to rest.

Yes, L loves sunny days at Whammy's, where he can watch over the children who are so naïve and gifted, where he can drink in the English countryside that he admits he longs for while he's in foreign countries, where the old chapel is silhouetted against the blue of the sky.


	4. Lost Scene

Please review! I would like feedback, as this is a means of getting back into the habit of writing and developing my technique. I'd like to know how I am doing!**

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Lost scene**

Day after day Light is praised and complimented by the other police officers; they tell him how good he is, how smart he is, how strong and brave and courageous he is for doing what he has done. They are in awe of him for voluntarily putting himself in solitary confinement; for allowing himself to be chained to L; for giving up every single ounce of his freedom. Light takes this all in stride- he knows how to take a compliment and he takes them well, always graciously smiling and humbly reminding them that it was the least he could do; always cheerfully stating that it is so he can catch Kira, so he can prove his innocence. And they all agree: they all love him, they all admire him, and while Light appreciates this on some vague level, he just can't bring himself to care as much as he once might have.

Yes, he is in control, calm and every inch the perfect young man he strives to be- at least, he is when he is in the presence of other people. Light has always been a different person in the sanctity of his own mind and has only ever allowed himself to see that person. But now, _now_, Light feels as though he is a different being entirely. This case has torn apart the carefully woven cloth of his life and cruelly stitched the threads back together; as a person, Light feels that he is nowhere near the man, the _boy_ he once was before- the person that he only allowed himself to know and love.

Light works hard to be the person he was before he allowed himself to be confined, and though it seems to fool everyone (everyone, that is, except for a certain someone) he feels as though he is losing himself. They may be pleased with his effort and determination, but it is just a desperate attempt on his part to hold together his sanity, as he is quite sure he is losing it. He seems normal and amazingly adaptive on the outside- enthusiastic and eager even. But they don't see him in the dead of the night, when he is at his absolute worst; when he is sure his mind is lost and he will never return to himself again.

He knows that he is experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, and hell, he _should_ be. He is very aware that spending over fifty days in solitary confinement with only the occasional (short, so short) conversation from L had nearly ruined him- he knows that his mind was at its breaking point, that he was stretched thin and his sanity was slipping. But he didn't lose himself, not entirely. When he had been freed from the cell, he was sure, so sure, that with a little bit of time he would recover, that he would fix what was broken and he would eventually be himself once again. But L, goddamn L had other plans in mind. And so when his father had turned that gun on him, Light knew that he wasn't going to make it without a few psychological issues (if he even lived, because _god_,_ he thought he was going to die!_)

It was when his father pulled the trigger, when the gunshot sounded in his ears, that Light felt his mind crack; in the ringing silence afterwards, when he could barely realize that he was alive (_alive, _he was fucking _alive_!) he felt nothing, thought nothing, heard nothing and saw nothing. From his mock execution location, to the hotel where L provided the handcuffs, Light had barely noticed what was going on, so deep within his own insanity that his body worked on autopilot, reverted to his normal charming, if not shocked, self.

That night, Light had woken up screaming and hysterical- it took L hours to calm him back down. He never fell back asleep, terrified of seeing his fathers murderous face and the barrel of a gun between his eyes. He was sure he would never sleep again.

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He is screaming, he is crying, he is crazy and lost and so _scared_. He doesn't want to die.

"I don't want to die!"

"Light-kun, calm down,"

"Please! L! I don't want to die!"

"You will not die, Light. Calm down,"

Those hard arms encircle him every night; pull him close in a strange embrace, up against L's equally hard body. Light, in a rare moment of weakness (weakness that plagues him every night, the moment not as rare as it seems) allows himself to be held, where he sobs and moans and whimpers against L, who awkwardly deals with his emotional mess.

"I will not allow you to die, Light. Not now," L's voice is deep and soft in his ear, the use of his name alone intimate and supposed to be soothing. But Light finds no comfort in those words, because he knows what they mean: _I will not allow you to die, not until I am certain you are Kira_.

Light rambles between sobs, makes absolutely no sense and L does his best to calm him down; strokes his hair and rubs his back. Eventually Light will calm down, or cry himself back to sleep. Sometimes L will leave him chained to the bed, terrified and alone until he returns with sleeping pills and water, so he can sleep dreamlessly. L has to hold him though, and Light demands this every night, despite how uncomfortable it must be for the older man. He is so close to insanity that he can taste it, and sometimes it feels as though the only thing keeping him anchored is the sound of L's heartbeat as he allows himself to slip into unconsciousness.

-

Every day Light is showered in praise, and every day he accepts what is said mildly, graciously. Every time this happens, he glances at L, who watches him with those dark eyes of his (those same eyes that watch him scream and cry in the middle of the night). Light does this so he is reminded of whom he really is, so he can remember that he is not this ambitious, inspiring bright-eyed boy. Not anymore. Not when the lost scenes of his life are vivid and fresh in the detective's gaze.

Not when Light can still feel insanity creeping through his veins.


	5. Degrees

Christ, this thing is long. I apologize if either one of them is out of character- I was in a romantic mood and was overcome with the urge to churn this out.

I appreciate the reviews, favourites and alerts, but please REVIEW. I love feedback, good or bad! So please say something!~

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**Degrees**

"Ryuzaki?"

L turned, startled back into reality by Light's voice. Hadn't the boy left with his father, to return home and visit his mother and sister? He was sure that the boy would have wanted to celebrate his release and spend time with his family. Or at least pretend to want to see his family, to keep up the image of the perfect son.

"Light-kun …" L returned, raising an eyebrow at the boy, who looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Is there a reason for you to return here at …1:37 in the morning?"

To his great surprise, Light blushed. L was baffled; Light Yagami had near perfect control over his emotions, and while L was privy to the human side of Light during their confinement together, Light was not prone to blushing or showing embarrassment in any way. Not unless the topic was personal and of great importance to the boy.

"Ah …well," Light hedged, and L brought a thumb up to his mouth, wondering how long it would take Light to spit the words out. He desperately wanted to know what was bothering the boy, especially at such an hour. A confession, perhaps? No, after all that he had gone through Light would not confess, not now. L was sure of that. What then, could drive the boy to visit him at nearly two in the morning?

"It's just," Light continued. "That, well …it's kind of lonely, don't you think?" he asked hesitantly, directing his gaze to the floor. L raised both eyebrows in response. Lonely? It was, he had to admit, strange to be alone after being attached to one another for so long. L had thought he would he would revel in the solitude, but had realized quite quickly that he wasn't all that happy with it; especially when he went to speak to Light but was met with nothing but silence and air.

"I am afraid that I do not quite understand what Light-kun is trying to say," L replied vaguely, hoping that the boy would elaborate upon whatever it was that was bothering him. L's curiosity was piqued, and he was endlessly intrigued by whatever spurred Light into a late night visit to a man he had just escaped.

"Um …well, I mean, we spent such a long time together …" Light trailed off, face flushing further, and L admired the way Light looked at that moment: vulnerable, innocent and dare he say it ...cute. "I just- I couldn't sleep. Not without you," Light admitted hastily, and L raised his eyebrows again, dropping his thumb to his knees.

That was …unexpected.

"Light-kun cannot sleep without my presence?" L asked automatically, inwardly cursing himself for his tactlessness. Light was fickle, after all, and it took a great deal of effort and concentration to make him feel comfortable- L would drive him away if he continued to speak so bluntly. As expected, the younger boy shot L a quick glare before ducking his head.

"Don't say it like that, it sounds …strange," he replied testily, and L remained silent in hopes of the boy opening up further. A few moments of silence made it clear that Light was unwilling to say more, not without a little push, so L made his next move.

"I understand, Light-kun. We spent a considerable amount of time with one another; it is completely acceptable that you would feel a bit of separation anxiety now that we are no longer together," Light blushed further at this and seemed to close in on himself, as though he hoped to make himself smaller and unnoticeable. L wondered what he said to make the boy feel so uncomfortable, and decided that Light was truly disturbed by what he was feeling. Slowly, L set his feet on the floor and stood up.

"I …" Light began suddenly, and L froze, standing in front of his seat. "I've never needed company before; I've never needed anyone. Not even my family," he admitted, raising deep brown eyes to meet L's gaze, his cheeks still stained a delicious pink.

"Surely when he was an infant Light-kun needed his parents," L stated, once again speaking without thinking, and he mentally slapped himself. What was wrong with him, blurting words out when it was clear he needed to be careful with what he said? It was Light, he supposed. L had difficulty acting logically when it came to the boy.

"I didn't mean it like that, Ryuzaki," Light returned sourly, and L nodded.

"I apologize, Light-kun. Please, continue," his words seemed to do the trick, as Light inhaled deeply before focusing his gaze back to his feet.

"Company, I've never needed other people's company before- I've always been perfectly happy to be on my own. But now …well, I like your company, Ryuzaki. You understand me, you're on the same level as me, and I …enjoy that. How we can talk and I don't have to water down what I'm saying, because you understand," L said nothing, only nodded when Light met his gaze again, and lost himself in the storm of emotions swirling in the boy's eyes. Light was truly a master when it came to lying, but L found that his eyes always told the truth- the boy could talk his way out of anything, but his eyes often betrayed what he was truly thinking. One just had to know to look for them.

" …I don't want to be alone anymore, Ryuzaki," Light whispered, so lowly that L almost missed it. His cheeks were once again painted crimson, but he held L's gaze, his eyes heated and determined. If L took the time, he was sure he could pick out all of the emotions in that expressive gaze, but as it was, L saw the hesitance, the vulnerability, and he knew that if he was silent for too long Light retreat back into himself.

"I …feel the same," L responded slowly, unsurely. Light remained silent, his face impassive and posture tense. L sensed that he wanted a similar confession, and weighed the consequences of telling the truth for once. He wasn't sure what spurred him to do it, but L felt that the boy should know everything, just in case. In case of what, L was not sure, but he took a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst.

"When I told you that you were my friend, I was lying," L told him, and watched as chocolate eyes widened, Light's facial expression surprised, a little hurt. "At the time, I was positive you were Kira, and I wanted nothing more than to bait you, to taunt you" Light definitely looked hurt now, especially after his rare display of emotion.

"I did not know you as I do now, Light. And admittedly, you grew on me," L continued hurriedly, before the boy could truly get upset. His words did the trick though, and stunned the boy into remaining silent. "I still believe that you were- no, are Kira, but I cannot lie to myself, nor to you: you have become dear to me, Light. Perhaps too dear, though I suspect I cannot change the way I feel, no matter who or what you are," L admitted, his own face feeling rather warm, and he hoped to whatever higher existence there was that he wasn't blushing. He did not usually, but then again, he had never admitted to having feelings for a murder suspect before.

"…oh," it seemed like an involuntary utterance on Light's part, and L felt the corners of his lips twitch up. The boy looked shocked, which was acceptable, L supposed. After all, it wasn't every day that the Great Detective L admitted to having feelings for someone, especially someone he believed to be the most notorious killer in history.

"Yes. So there is nothing for you to be embarrassed about, Light-kun; I too miss your presence. Though I have to admit, it never occurred to me to visit you at your house to cure my loneliness," L teased gently, finally getting a small smile out of the boy.

"Ryuzaki, when you say 'dear to you' … how dear do you mean?" Light asked quietly, and L marveled at the boy's behavior. L had seen many sides of Light Yagami, but never this one, this demure slip of a boy who seemed more like a love-struck girl in a fairytale then the proud and calculating bastard he had proven himself to be.

"Well, too dear, as I said. I suppose that, if circumstances weren't what they were, I'd have liked to be romantically involved with you," L replied easily, finding it less difficult to confess one's feelings then it was made out to be. Granted, he had no idea how Light would react, but he had nothing to lose, really. He was quite sure Light was not the type to humiliate L with such a confession, and his feelings were largely unimportant: he was not in love with the boy. Light was a dear friend, a possible romantic interest, and L would hate to lose him, but at the moment, what he felt was not love, and he felt he would recover from the loss of a friendship. At least, he would recover better from a lost friendship to a lost romance.

"I …oh. Oh," Light replied, seemingly unable to handle a confession of such magnitude from L, despite having dealt with them for years. It made L sadistically happy that he was the only person capable of making Light lose his calm, collected demeanor and reduce him to this blushing, stammering mess.

"It is not love, Light-kun, do not worry. But you are my friend, someone I care about, someone whose company I enjoy. And although I feel that I could grow to care even more for you, it is impossible at the moment," L told him, hoping to reassure him. He was quite sure that the boy was homosexual, but it was never said out loud, and he had never confronted Light about it- they had, after all, bigger and better things to deal with. In hindsight, L thought he should have brought it up at least once. There was a slight chance (a very slight chance) that he was wrong and Light was completely repulsed by such feelings, but L was confident that the loss of composure was due to the unexpectedness of L's words.

" …because I might be Kira," Light stated, sounding bitter, and L nodded slowly.

"Yes. I cannot allow myself to feel more than friendship for you while I still suspect you to be Kira. It will already be difficult to lose our friendship, tentative as it is, if it turns out that you truly are Kira," Light said nothing in response, instead turning away from L, his eyes shining strangely, face unreadable. His shoulders shook and he gasped softly. Realization dawned upon L, and he stared at the boy in front of him in complete and utter horror.

Light Yagami was crying.

Light in tears was nothing new to L: the boy had woken up in the middle of the night screaming and crying more times than L could count, and it was often up to him to soothe the boy and help him back to sleep. It had been post traumatic stress disorder, and L did not blame him for his emotional outbursts- it was L's fault, after all, that Light dreamt about his father shooting him every night and suffered from a mild case of claustrophobia. He had been uncomfortable at first, but grew accustomed to dealing with the boy while he was a frightened, blubbering mess.

This was different though. Light was not having a nightmare, and L was not comforting him after a dream. No, if L was correct (and he usually was) Light was crying because he was upset. Though what exactly had upset him, L did not know. He decided to take his usual approach and attempt to comfort the boy, as potentially awkward and embarrassing as it could be. Slowly, as though Light would run if L startled him, he made his way over to the pitifully sobbing boy, and tentatively placed his hand on a thin shoulder.

"Light-kun, why are you crying?" L asked gently, apprehensively moving in a bit closer to the boy. Light attempted to shrug his hand off and turn further away, clearly embarrassed about his rather strange show of emotion.

"I'm sorry," he whispered roughly, hiccuping a little. "It's just …I can't…" he broke off again, tears running down his face and L couldn't help but pity the boy. Whatever was bothering him must be something of great importance, if it was reducing Light Yagami to tears.

"Light," L breathed, cautiously wrapping his arms around the boys quivering shoulders. "Tell me what is bothering you," The teen stiffened at first, but quickly relaxed in L's rather awkward embrace.

"I feel the same as you do!" the boy admitted, burying his face into L's shoulder, an action that L assumed to be an attempt to stifle his sobs.

"You …feel the same?" L echoed, more than a little stunned by the revelation, and Light pulled back, his face set and tears stemmed, emotions seemingly under his control once again.

"Y-Yes. The same. You're …too dear to me," Light admitted, and L laughed lowly, a little giddy.

"So Light-kun thinks of me as a friend?" L could not suppress the excitement in his tone, and Light nodded stiffly.

"I …yeah. You're my friend. And I have deeper feelings, I think. Maybe, I'm not so sure. I think I could grow to like you more," he whispered, and L fought to remain calm. He had to remind himself that this was not a good thing: Light was most certainly Kira, and if this wasn't an attempt to manipulate L though seduction (which L was 92% sure it wasn't, because Light Yagami would never resort to tears to get what he wanted) then it could end only in drama for both of them. A relationship would never work out between them, not if Light was not Kira.

"I know that you don't think this will work," Light began, effectively cutting L off before he even opened his mouth to say anything. "And I know there is nothing I can say to assure you that I am not Kira, that we can work this relationship out. But, before everything goes to hell …could you … kiss me, L?" he asked, eyes wide and innocent, desperate even as he unknowingly called L by his true name. It was intimate, and L had never felt so enamored with anyone as he did in that moment; the idea of kissing Light did not sound like a bad one. There was something, though …

"What do you mean, 'before everything goes to hell'?" L asked, and Light shook his head, slim eyebrows drawn together and his eyes pleading.

"Please, just a kiss, L, and I'll explain. I promise," Light begged, and L was thoroughly stunned into silence. Rarely did Light ever beg, very rarely, and L wondered if it was okay to trust Light like this, to believe that he was telling the truth for once. He gazed intently into Light's face, his eyes, and searched for any malicious intentions. Instead he was met with the warm brown of Light's eyes, the aristocratic angles of his face, the helplessness and innocence he allowed to adorn his feature, and L supposed that one kiss wouldn't kill them.

"Just one kiss?" L asked softly, gently, and Light nodded, pulling his lower lip between his teeth. L admired the sight for a moment, before raising one hand and placing it on the back of Light's neck, his other arm falling to Light's waist. "I suppose, one kiss couldn't hurt," L conceded, and Light's lips twisted up into a sad smile. His hands fluttered by L's chest for a moment, before placing them on his shoulders, and he stared into L's eyes. L straightened out his back so that he was taller than Light by a few centimeters, and gently tugged the boys head closer to is own. Light's eyes fluttered shut, and L lowered his own eyelids as his lips met with the younger boys.

L's heart fluttered, and he increased the pressure a little. Light's arms slid around his neck and he pulled the boy close, so that their bodies were pressed flush against one another. L ran his tongue along the boy's lower lip, and Light quickly got the message, opening his mouth for L. It was nice, and L decided that he rather liked Light kissing Light Yagami. The boy's lips were soft and supple, his mouth hot, and he put up just enough fight that L enjoyed dominating the kiss, enjoyed the tiny, desperate whine that grew at the back of Light's throat. L kissed him thoroughly, feeling desperation from Light's end, and he vaguely wondered what the boy would dump on him once they broke apart. His heart fluttered again, and L realized that degree-by-degree, he was already falling for the boy. It wasn't love, not yet, but he was sure with time it could be; and for the first time, L wished he was wrong.

Gently, L pulled away, nipping the Light's bottom lip as they broke apart. Light was breathing deeply, gazing at L through hooded eyes, and L allowed himself a small smile.

"You had something to say?" He asked cryptically, confident that he knew what Light was about to tell him. The boy nodded, and laid his head on L's shoulder.

"There's something I need to tell you …"


	6. Seize the Day

Could this be classified as a bit of crack? L is a little OOC, sorry. Sex makes everyone happy though :)

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**Seize the day **

"It is approximately 7:37 am, and in order to make it downstairs in time Light-kun must wake up. We must seize the day while it is still young!"

"Ughhhh," Light did not want to _seize the day_, let alone remove himself from their warm bed.

"Groaning rather suggestively will not earn Light-kun a few extra minutes in bed- he must wake up now," L insisted, sounding far too chipper for Light's groggy mind.

"L, a few more minutes please. We were up late last night," Light mumbled, and he was sure he heard the other man purr.

"Yes, well, Light-kun can only blame himself for last night. I could not restrain myself because of his _delicious_ appearance,"

Light groaned mentally. Really, he had just walked out of the bathroom after a blissfully warm shower- just because L liked the way his pajama pants sat on his hips didn't mean he brought it upon himself. As much as Light enjoyed himself, he would have rather collapsed into bed and saved the intimate relations for the next morning.

"I'm not responsible for your libido; it's your own fault that you don't know how to control yourself," Light sighed in response, only earning himself a satisfied chuckle from the older man.

"Light-kun has the looks of a Greek god; I cannot help it is his beauty overwhelms me. Now, he must remove himself from the bed and shower quickly. We are going to be late," Light groaned again.

"L! My back hurts and I'm _exhausted_. Why don't you go downstairs by yourself and let me sleep a bit longer? Tell the others I'm not feeling well or something," he tried, earning another low laugh from L. Really, it was far too early to be so cheerful- if this was what L was like after getting laid, Light wondered if it was really such a good thing to sleep with the detective after all. Especially when they had to get up early the next morning.

"I cannot leave Light-kun alone, I am supposed to keep him under constant surveillance! We have much to do, and we cannot shirk our duties because Light-kun is in a bit of pain. When we get downstairs I can provide him with pain-relievers and a cushion?" the insomniac suggested. Light huffed. L was making fun of him, he was sure- trust the man who had sex with him to laugh at his pain. He swore he'd return the favour one day.

Light sighed. The battle was lost- all of the pleading resulted in a state of wakefulness, something L had probably planned, and Light knew there was no way he would be able to fall asleep again. Especially not with the way L's hand was slowly running up his blanketed thigh-

"L! Stop that! I'm still sore form last night, and you said we're going to be late!" Light hissed, swatting at the roaming appendage. L glanced up at Light, his dark eyes glittering mischievously, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Light rather thought that he looked like a child who had just found a stash of hidden candy.

"Since Light-kun had made us late by his complaining, I feel that it would be acceptable for us to engage in sexual relations at this time. We will excuse our tardiness by claiming that Light-kun worked too long last night and I allowed him some extra time to sleep," L offered, hand still on Light's thigh as he moved to hover over Light and started down into his eyes. Light felt himself flush a little.

"Instead of screwing me again, why don't you actually let me sleep?" Light demanded, biting his lip as L's hand wandered up his thigh and over his hip, stopping to caress his stomach gently.

"Because Light-kun is wide awake now, and I would like to experience last night once again. It was quite satisfying," L purred, his caresses drifting over the sensitive skin of Light's chest- he inhaled sharply.

"L …" the man was far too talented with his tongue, Light reflected, as L began to nip and suck alternatively at Light's chest. Pleasure coiled in his stomach, hot and heavy, and Light let out a little sigh.

"Light-kun is addictive, I shall never tire of him," L mumbled against Light's skin, and Light felt the last of his resolve break. He heaved a great sigh before bringing a hand up to play with L's wild hair, the other rubbing at the mans smooth shoulders.

"I suppose one more time is okay," he relented, pleasure stealing over him as he was rewarded with a wide, blissfully happy smile from his lover.

Seize the day indeed.


	7. Opposite

I feel the need to make this clear, just in case there is any confusion: this is a drabble, so the chapters are completely unconnected. There is no linear timeline or any sequence of events. I take a prompt and write whatever comes to mind. I'm sorry if there was any confusion, and hope this makes a little more sense for some people?

Sorry for the wait, as well. Life (or lack-there-of) gets in the way. Which would explain the less than satisfactory length of this chapter.

Also, I have never disclaimed this. I don't own _Death Note_.

**(REVIEW PLEASE :D)

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**Opposite**

L has noticed numerous times that Yagami Light is his exact opposite in almost every aspect.

This, he thinks, is not a particularly bad thing- no, not bad at all. Rather, it is interesting. Interesting because he and Light are similar on an intellectual level: Whammy's may be an orphanage designed to raise young genii, but L has never met another person he could engage in conversation with and be understood so well. Light's brain matches his so perfectly, in fact, that he never has to finish what he is saying because Light always seems to know what he is thinking.

(That is both a blessing and a curse, but something L does not care to reflect upon. Not at this particular moment, no).

Their intelligence is just about the only thing that they have in common. Perhaps they share the arrogance, confidence and pride, but those are traits that L believes are born from genius. Intellectually the both of them are superior to many people, and neither mind flaunting this.

That is about where it ends, though. Otherwise, Light is the antithesis of L: the boy is well-groomed, impeccably well dressed and borderline obsessive compulsive; L can never find his hairbrush when he feels the urge to tame his rebellious hair, wears the same thing every day (though, admittedly, he has a wardrobe full of identical clothing) and makes quite the mess when he is eating (the world should admire him for being as neat as he is when his mind is preoccupied with things other than table manners). L loves all things sweet; Light prefers salt. Light is charismatic, friendly and socially adept; L is eccentric, not so friendly and pretends to be socially retarded (he can play the act of the social butterfly quite well- he just prefers not to). Light cares desperately about what others think of him and maintaining his image; L could care less about what anybody thinks of him and makes the world well aware of that.

L is the greatest detective in the world; Light is (_has to be_) Kira.

There are a great many things that separate L and Light from one another, but L doesn't really mind. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum, yes, but like a circle their two ends seemingly join together and connect everything. L believes that in the end, their differences are what allows them to work so well together; are what creates the intense bond that they share.

When L feels like allowing himself to be a little more fanciful (usually when Light is asleep and can in no way figure out what L is thinking) he reflects upon this. Upon the vast differences that make them completely unlike one another, yet simultaneously draw them together. He likens the two of them to yin and yang, caught forever in the perfect dance of opposites and harmony.

(opposites attract, after all, and he and Light are nothing but opposites).


	8. Passions run

I am _so_ sorry! What can I say- life takes you by the throat and does what it likes. In between returning to a job I've worked at for far too long and hated, falling ill, suffering from writers block and LOSING said hated job, I believe I've been a little too busy to write?I was worried, but inspirations hits at the oddest times (a random piece of music in the midst of reading and _voila!_- you've got inspiration!

So, without further ado, here is the latest of my little prompt list. Reviews are lovely, and constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome!

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**Passions run**

It was becoming harder to concentrate, Light reflected.

Everything the man did caught his attention; the slightest movement, just the faintest twitch and Light was glancing over with curious eyes and heated cheeks. It went beyond what he had initially thought to be paranoia- he had been wary of L in the beginning, apprehensive. But now, _now_, things were so different.

It had came to him one night, while he lay on his side attempting to sleep and L typed away on his laptop. Light had stared, fascinated, at the way the weak light from the computer illuminated L's face; how the shadows under his eyes were deepened; how the line of his jaw was sharpened; how the straight slope of his nose was so perfectly shaped. Light had been utterly transfixed, marveling in the ethereal, haunting beauty that L seemed to possess in the middle of that dark night.

Then it was L was stepping into the bedroom after his shower, shirtless and pale skin still sprinkled with droplets of water. Underneath his baggy shirt was a lean, fit body- one Light wouldn't have expected the man to have. The fine ridges and definition of muscle awed Light; his own body felt too soft and he wondered where the man had found the time to hone his body to such perfection. His arms in particular had captivated Light, the swell of muscle underneath light skin whispered hidden promises of strength and domination.

It turned to those lips, so thin and pale- not traditionally appealing, but Light found himself entranced when the man spoke, watched unabashedly as that mouth formed syllables; consonants and vowels. Light found himself wishing he could feel that mouth with his own, that he could feel it on his body, that it would whisper heated promises of dark delight into his ear.

And then his hands- Light loved watching him type. So particular and precise; so fast and efficient. The pads of his fingers worn flat like a piano player's from all of his typing. So thin and pale and regal; long and bony. Light wanted nothing more than to feel them massage his body, to run through his hair-

God, his hair. So messy and never brushed- Light would die if it was on his own head, but lord, he wanted to run his own hands through it, to see if it was as soft as it looked. To see if it was knotted and gnarled, or if it was just naturally springy and wild. To have it brush his face- if only he had the chance to get that close to him. What Light wouldn't give to be that close to him.

It was too hard to concentrate, yes, when he was so completely enraptured with the man who had taken him prisoner; taken him so wholly and completely. It would end in pain, Light was sure, but who was he to resist the onslaught of such wants and feelings? Passions ran; Light could only hope they would run on and on, until he was no longer caught up in their whirlwind of ecstasy and desire.


	9. Connection

So, a chapter from Misa'a perspective. I think the authors really dumbed her down and gave her no depth- women are looked down upon in the story, of course (thank you, Light) so it only makes sense that Misa is as superficial and shallow as she is. However, I feel that there's a lot more to her than we know, so I've taken creative liberties and made her just a bit more perceptivethan she seems to be (because let's face it, women are, for the most part, pretty perceptive!)

That out of the way, I saw _The Last Airbender_ last night! Has anyone else seen it yet? My friend thinks it's been eclipsed by that new _Twilight_ movie, so no one will see it. Anyways, it was decent, I think. The effects were amazing! The soundtrack is pretty good too, pretty standard of James Newton Howard (I am a _huge_ music nerd, forgive me). The acting was okay for most of the characters; some were less than okay, but hopefully they'll clean that up for the second one! Anyways, enough of this.

Don't forget to review! _Please_.

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Connection**

Contrary to the way she acts, Misa is not stupid. No, no, she is not at all stupid- she is airy, ditzy and carefree, but she is not stupid. She may not be a genius like Light or like L, but she is not stupid.

For example: Misa knows what she feels for Light is not love, not true love- she admires the boy, yes. Respects him, worships him and lusts for him yes, but she does not love him. Perhaps she loves Kira- no, she definitely loves Kira- but as for Light himself, she does not love him.

She also knows that although L pretends to be rather aloof and creepy, he is genuinely a good person; she knows that he works to support what he believes in and hates to let innocent people suffer at the hands of others. It pains her to think that Light must rid the world of such a good man, but she loves Kira more than L, so she must help Light in any way she can.

So no, Misa is not stupid. She notices much of what other people don't- perhaps it is her woman's intuition; perhaps she is just emotionally perceptive, but she finds that there are just so many things that the task force misses.

For example, the proximity L and Light keep to one another; yes, they are hindered by the chain linking them, but Misa doesn't really think they need to sit so close that the whole length of it lies coiled between them. When one of them turns in their chair their elbows brush; when Light leans over to say something he doesn't have to lean so much as raise his mouth to L's ear; when L wants to check up on Light he stands right over the boy, rests his chin on Light's shoulder. The men might think that the two are trying to get a rise out of one another, but Misa knows otherwise.

There are other little things Misa notices: the way they eat and swap their food. A member of the task force will bring in food, and Misa will join them- there she sees L and Light pick through their respective food and trade what they don't like without even speaking to one another. L, always so bold, will sometimes hold a piece of something in front of Light's face, and the amber eyed boy will just open his mouth and eat it without hesitation.

Or perhaps, when L sighs and spins his chair around in what seems to be boredom. Light will continue to talk to Misa, but she always notices when he places a calming hand on L's knew or thigh; so intimate, so personal and so unusual. L in turn, when Light looks particularly worn and drawn, will smooth the brown hair back, will place a hand on a thin shoulder and squeeze. They think they're so sly, but Misa sees it all.

Especially those _looks_. The little glances they furtively send one another; words spoken in a silent, secret language, one that Misa wishes she could understand but knows she never will. The moments when their gazes meet and the world seems to be insignificant compared to whatever silent conversations the two are having. Those gazes, those glances, those sly looks that Misa notices are chock full of dark secrets and hidden promises. The rest of the taskforce never notices, and Misa wonders how they can be so _blind_.

After all, she isn't a genius- nowhere close. But even she can see that the connection Light and L share is one beyond the norm, one beyond the simple bonding of two young men who are far too smart of their own good. Their connection is one of dark and despair; one with no future and sadness; one of tragic love and heartbreak.

Misa wishes the best for them, silently, hopefully, even though she knows that they are a lost cause. She doesn't need to be a genius to see that.


	10. Lull and Storm

So, _so_ sorry for taking so damn long. Things just get in the way (and by things I mean life) as usual. Anyways, new chapter, my poor attempt at a bit of humor. Review please!

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Lull and storm**

L sits in his chair twirling himself around slowly, almost lazily. He keeps on leg folded up to his chest; extends the other to the floor so he can give himself momentum. He looks to be in deep thought, his expressionless mask strangely absent: his brow is furrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line, his eyes narrowed in deliberation.

Yes, L is thinking quite hard about something. Something almost fearful- something he does not want to have to face tomorrow; something that could quite possibly lead to his death.

It is the lull before the storm, and L shudders to think of what the storm may bring. Light is upstairs in their bedroom (it is still _theirs_, he cannot think of it any other way, as Light still spends most evenings with him) probably asleep. He too is faced with the dilemma of lull and storm, but he is not an insomniac- he may have spent months with L and put up with his habits, but the boy can still easily and peacefully slip into slumber. It makes L envious.

Yes, Light is probably sleeping and L is still awake, fretting (yes, _fretting_) over the events that will transpire tomorrow morning, when Light finally makes his move. L is closed to terrified, really. But nobody else knows and he doesn't know if he wants to speak to another; he doesn't want to burden Whammy with his fears, not when the old man is so tired and in need of his rest; his successors are too young, he thinks, to be of any advice and, well, his only friend is upstairs in post-coital slumber.

L bites down on his lower lip and sighs. Tomorrow is terrifying him, and he wishes Light was awake to at least keep his mind off of things-

"L, what on earth are you doing down here?" Ah, speak of the devil. L stops his twirling with one foot and shifts the seat until his is facing Light. Beautiful Light whose hair is mussed from lovemaking and his short sleep, who looks adorable dressed in one of L's overlarge white shirts and that only. L wonders why he is awake.

"I am thinking, Light-kun," Light elegantly raises an eyebrow at this, even though is eyes are blurry and a yawn quickly takes over him a moment later. He raises a hand to his mouth and as the shirt hikes up L eyes the creamy thighs appreciatively before glancing back up to Light's face.

"Downstairs? And naked?" Light continues, and L allows a small grin to overtake his features.

"Yes. I hadn't planned on being down here for very long," L tells him, and Light snorts inelegantly then places himself in L's lap. L loves it when it is just him and Light, with no one for Light to impress. The boy is soft and cuddly and warm; L loves to hold him close like this.

"Come back to bed," Light murmurs, resting his head on L's shoulder. His silky brown hair caresses L's skin and smells faintly of sex. L loves it.

"In a moment, Light-kun," L replies just as softly, and Light hums mindlessly, closing his eyes- L can feel his eyelashes fluttering.

"Are you worried?" Light asks sleepily, and L hums too.

"Yes," L answers truthfully, and Light chuckles softly. For a few moments they are silent, holding one another close and reveling in each others presence. L begins to rock slowly, and Light sighs in comfort.

"I wish we could just stay like this forever," Light whispers, so peacefully that it makes L smile indulgently. Light is only this open with _him_, and L loves it.

"This is the lull before the storm, Light-kun,"

"Hmm," Light agrees, and finally L decides that he should return to bed, if only for Light's sake. Slowly he stands, slipping an arm under Light's knees and securing his hold around his shoulders. He rises slowly with a soft grunt of exertion and feels Light smile into his neck. They make their way upstairs, laughing softly when L stubs his toe and kissing briefly at the bedroom door. L is gentle when he places Light on the bed and slips in beside him. He fixes the covers around the both of them and then gathers Light into his arms.

"It will be okay, L. Everything will work out, you know that," Light reassures sleepily, and L smiles, kisses the top of the brown head tucked under his chin.

"Thank you, Light. Sleep well," he whispers, and Light hums one last time, snuggling a little closer to L.

L sighs and tries to sleep, tries to focus on Light's words of encouragement. It is hard for him to do though.

After all, it is _L_ who must inform Yagami Soichiro that he is romantically involved with his son -who is seven years his junior- and that he will be taking him back to Britain with him, not Light.


	11. Animal

**Animal**

"_Argh!"_ It is a manly yelp of fear that I emit as strong arms suddenly grab me from behind, not some girly shriek of terror.

Really.

L grins at me, eyes glinting mischievously from beneath his black hair. "Did I scare you, Light-kun?" he asks, far more emotion in his voice than I ever thought possible, and I snort inelegantly, toss my hair back.

"Of course not," I reply, dignified. This only makes him smirk a little and move his hands to my waist, where he pinches and prods in an attempt to tickle me. I will admit it: I am _extremely_ ticklish.

"L! Stop it!" I think I giggle, much to my shame, but I'm a little too busy trying to fend L off to berate myself for my behavior. What can I say- L brings out the worst in me. I bat at him and squirm around in his hold to no avail.

"Ah! L, let me go!" he giggles too, much lower though, and he sounds a little crazy while he does it. I've come to love his insane laughter though, and find that I prefer it to his indecipherable silence.

"Light-kun is making such delightful noises- I don't know if I want to stop," L says slyly, and I decide to humor him and gasp in mock astonishment.

"L! What would my father think?" I ask him, panting a little as he stops torturing me. I look up into his dark eyes and smile at him; he grins back, something he only does for me.

"Yagami-san would probably kill me for having sexual relations with his darling baby boy. It is best that he doesn't know," he answers, and I laugh at him, though I'm in agreement with what he's said; my father would kill us _both_ if he knew what we were up to.

"Yes well, I'm sure that I could get myself out of that. You are, after all, the dirty old man in this relationship," I taunt, and L arches an eyebrow, pulling me close so that we are chest to chest- I can feel his heartbeat, which has picked up a little at our closeness.

"Dirty old man? I am only twenty-five, Light-kun; only seven years older than yourself," he pouts, cutely I might add, but I don't tell him this. It would embarrass both of us.

"And I am only eighteen," I remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

"You will be nineteen in a few months time," he replies, sliding his hands down my back, and I shiver delightedly. No matter what, my body always betrays me to L's touch.

"And then you'll turn twenty-six. Face it L, in comparison to me, _you're old_," I sing, and L just smirks at me.

"I suppose that may be true; although I cannot help it if I am deeply attracted to young college boys," he purrs as his hands come to rest on my bottom. I shiver again and lean in a little closer. He squeezes suddenly and I yelp.

"You beast!" I accuse, and L only grins toothily at me. His cheeks are flushed and eyes sparkling- he looks so attractive like this, more so when I look back to the days when we first met, when he only had one expression: apathy.

"Only for you, little boy," he growls, and hefts me over his shoulder, like a fireman. This time I really do shriek; I tend to forget that L has hidden muscles and a surprising amount of strength. However, this does little to stop his shoulder from digging painfully into my stomach.

"L! What are you doing? Put me down!" I can't help but laugh as L carries me away and down the hall, to what I assume to be the bedroom. A jolt of heat floods straight to my groin and I feel my cheeks flush with arousal.

"To the bedroom, darling," he drawls from over my shoulder, and he suddenly smacks my butt. I yelp again indignantly.

"You brute! Put me down!" I yell, playfully of course, so L just ignores me and strides into our bedroom, kicking the door closed behind us. He throws me down onto the bed and I bounce a little with the impact. A second later and L is crawling over me, with all of the grace of a jungle cat. His eyes gleam wickedly and I gaze up at him, suddenly breathless.

"_Animal_," I accuse, and L's grin turns a little feral. He nuzzles my neck lovingly, then kisses my pulse point softly.

"You love it," he murmurs, and I can't help but sigh my agreement.


	12. Children

This chapter is pretty rough- it was hard to churn anything out for this prompt. The more obvious image that came to mind (for me, anyways) wasn't working, so I tried something a little different. Regardless, I'd appreciate any feedback, despite this not being my best piece!

And really, thank you _so_ much to everyone who reviews- it means a lot to me.

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Children**

"L, what were you like as a child?" Light asks. L turns to him and gazes at him for a moment, not comprehending the question.

"Pardon?" he says, and Light smiles at him, eyes sparkling. His face is relaxed and a small smile plays with his lips- L thinks Light looks amazingly attractive like this, so carefree and happy.

"What kind of child were you- what were you like? Did you have an imaginary friend, or did you play with others? Were you cute and had the adults falling to their knees, or were you as quirky as you are today?" Light elaborates, still smiling that smile, and L tilts his head; stares at him.

"I …am not sure. I am as I always have been, I suppose," L responds, turning his attention to the teacup Whammy silently refills for him. Light sighs a little and L is sure he's displeased him. But L doesn't really mind, Light is usually irritated over one thing or another, and truthfully he cannot remember ever being a child; it feels as though he's been twenty-five all his life.

"Watari, did you know L as a child?" Light asks, catching L by surprise- he had forgotten that Whammy had raised him; of _course_ he would remember L's childhood. L turns his attention to the elderly man and nods to let him know that it is all right to tell Light stories of his past. Whammy smiles at L, his bushy white beard crinkling up with pleasure. L feels a rare smile overtake his features and relaxes back into his chair, putting less sugar than usual into his tea.

"L has always been unique," he begins, and Light raises his eyebrows in amusement; L snorts. Unique is too kind a word for him, and he knows that. Still, he gestures for Whammy to join them at the coffee table. "He was a very bright child and showed a lot of potential; I brought him to my orphanage for this very reason …" L knows all of this quite well, and tunes the story out until Whammy's voice becomes a pleasant background murmur. Instead, he focuses on Light's eager expression and happy smile; seeing Light like this -so natural and relaxed and carefree- makes L feel the same in turn, and he wishes Light could be this open all of the time, rather than masking his emotions as he is wont to do in public.

L wonders if there was ever a time when Light didn't hide his true self from the world, if he was ever open and sincere and painfully honest. He supposes, incidentally, that as a child, Light must have been true to himself. As a child, Light must have been adorable; L also thinks he would have been unafraid to be the person he truly was, that there would have been no barriers in place to keep people away. L thinks that Light would have been brighter than the sun as a child, so smart and full of life; so innocent and full of energy; so true and full of love.

"L was a cute child, in his own unique way. He did not have insomnia as a child of course, nor did he slouch so much either. He was like most children- curious and into everything. Of course, one glance with those huge dark eyes and he would have the staff melting at his feet- they could never say no to him. That is, until he hit puberty; his relationship skills quickly went downhill from there on out," L could feel insulted, but he can hear the affection and humor in Whammy's tone, and knows that despite his atrocious social skills, Whammy does not mind too much. After all, he has Light to take care of that now.

"So the great and mysterious L was a child, just like everybody else?" Light asks, his tone teasing and eyes gleaming. L smiles at him.

"I would like to know about Light-kun as a child," L states, and Light ducks his head, cheeks darkening almost imperceptibly.

"No, I wasn't anything special," he mutters, and L raises an eyebrow; his lips quirk up in a smile.

"I think that Light-kun would have been a wonderful child. He would have shone like the sun and all people would have orbited around him," L states boldly. Light only blushes further and looks off to the side.

"No …I was very naïve; too innocent. The world was black and white and I understood nothing," he counters, clearly embarrassed. L wonders what he has to be embarrassed about and then realizes that Light must not like the idea of having been so open and easy to know. It unnerves him, to have been so simple- L understands the feeling perfectly, and rests a hand on Light's shoulder comfortingly. Whammy silently gets up, realizing that the story is over and the two young men need their privacy. L silently thanks him with a nod, and then looks back to Light, who meets his eyes guardedly. L smiles at him again.

"Children are born with a wisdom that adults cannot achieve, no matter how hard they try. The world is black and white to them, Light, because they are not jaded and embittered by the difficulties life has thrown at them. They are able to see past all of the little details and look at the big picture- it is a skill that very few adults have," Light looks down again, and L worries he might not be helping after all.

"Light," he begins seriously, catching Light's attention again and holding his gaze this time. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You had no life experience, and couldn't have known better about much of anything. I truly believe that you would have been a joy to been around, when you were so young and open. Not that you are not a joy to be around now," he adds on tactfully, before Light can twist his words as he so often does and use them as weapons. "I just believe that if you were more open and true to yourself, you would outshine the sun with your brilliance," L thinks he might actually be blushing as he says this, and feels incredibly sappy and cliché, but figures that Light needs to hear something like this from somebody; especially somebody close to him.

Sure enough, Light's lips turn up into a grin and he leans in close to L, resting his head on L's shoulder.

"So says the most apathetic, socially-retarded man in existence," he laughs, and L can't help but smile at this.

"Surely I can't be the most socially retarded man in the world," he counters, earning another laugh from Light.

"Perhaps not," he says, and then falls silent, resting gently against L. Though he says nothing, the peaceful, content expression he wears speaks louder than any words, and L knows that Light appreciates L's soppy declaration of love more than he would ever be willing to admit. And L is fine with that.


	13. We all float on

**We all float on**

The sun is shining; the sky is blue and dotted with fluffy white clouds. Birds are singing overhead, a breeze ruffles treetops and people are talking cheerfully. Students pour out of school buildings and flood the already crowded sidewalks and streets, chattering about whatever happens to cross their minds. The world seems to be rejoicing; life seems to be wonderful and brilliant. Everything seems to be good.

Yagami Light does not think so.

He sits on a bench in a secluded park, his book bag resting beside him. He watches the world around him silently; takes in the citizens of Tokyo and their actions. He watches people and considers their emotions. He wonders why they seem so happy and carefree when all he feels is a heavy darkness in his chest and an unending ache for something that he cannot recognize.

The world holds nothing for this boy, and he is well aware of the fact. It _should_ hold everything: he is a genius, after all- probably the smartest student in all of Japan. He could have his pick of any university, including those out of the country. Light is blessed, has everything anyone could ever wish for, and yet he finds himself bored. Finds himself lost and sad, though he hates to admit it.

But today is too much for him; the world is mocking him with all of its joy and contentment. The world seems to be at peace, while Light is a mess of emotions and fears.

Light is tired, though what he is tired of, he is not so sure.

* * *

"It is quite late for a student such as yourself to be out, isn't it?" comes a slow, deep voice. Light jolts out of his reverie, and looks in the direction the voice came from: there is a man there, with wild black hair and incredibly pale skin. He has an old windbreaker on over a plain white shirt, baggy jeans and a ratty old pair of tennis shoes. The man is hunched over, as though he is cold and trying to keep warm, and from the glow of the streetlamp, Light is sure he sees shadows under than man's dark eyes.

He is very strange looking, no doubt about that. But Light is more worried about the fact that it is well after dark and he cannot be bothered to make his way home. And that he cannot feel his hands for the cold.

"I guess I just lost track of time," Light replies lowly, but makes no move to stand. The man cocks his head a little, and stares at him with those dark eyes. Light gets the feeling that the man is evaluating him- it almost seems as though the man can look right into his soul and see all of the fears and worries that constantly gnaw away at Light's being.

"How old are you?" the man asks suddenly, and Light frowns, wishing he would go away and leave him to his thoughts.

"Eighteen," is his monosyllabic reply.

"You are a high school student, then?" The man persists, and Light nods.

"About to graduate and move on to university?" another nod from Light- the man doesn't need much prompting as he continues to fire questions at him.

"Which university?"

"Toudai,"

"Your ranking?"

"Top of the nation," it isn't bragging if Light feels no pride in uttering the phrase, is it?

The man falls silent for a moment, regarding Light intensely, and then boldly sits down next to him. He sits normally, but remains curved over in the strange way. He clasps his pale, long-fingered hands and turns his head to Light, blinking owlishly.

"Top of the nation? You must be quite smart," he states, and Light shrugs, looking away from him and up at the starry night sky instead.

"Yeah, I guess," he replies inelegantly, wishing that he could feel more than the dead numbness and longing for the days when a sort of fierce pride filled him as he discussed his academics.

"You sound depressed," the topic changes so suddenly that for a few moments, Light is at a loss for words. But he regains himself and articulates a passable answer.

"Depressed? Me? No, I don't think so," the words sound fake even to Light's ears, and the man's thin lips quirk up in amusement.

"No? Why then, is there no pride in your voice? You must be a genius- does that not please you?" the man needles, and Light shrugs, wondering why he hasn't left yet, why he is continuing to speak to this strange and quirky man.

"It's been said too many times, I suppose. I'm quite aware of how smart I am. It just doesn't mean anything to me any longer," he says heavily, and the man stares at him, silent once again for a few moments. Then-

"What is your name?" the question is so simple, but so bold, that Light answers this stranger without even thinking of the consequences.

"Light. Yagami Light," the man smiles at this, as most people do when they hear his name.

"What kanji would you use to write that?" he asks, rather than commenting on the arrogance and vanity the name bestows upon him. It's subtle, but the change cheers Light far more than it should.

"Using _'tsuki'_," Light replies, and the man nods, looking quite entertained.

"Interesting. You name is very unique," he says, and Light smiles wryly. It's an understatement, of course, but Light lets it slip.

"You may call me Ryuzaki," the man says after a few seconds, and Light looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"I don't get the honour of calling you by your real name?" he asks, and Ryuzaki outright grins at this.

"You are quite observant," he tells him, and Light bows his head almost demurely.

"It's just a habit I have, noticing little things like that," he excuses, glancing over at the man, whose steady gaze is fixed upon him once again. Light is overcome with the desire to cover his face with his hands in a juvenile attempt to hide himself from the man; '_if I can't see it, it can't see me'_- it's a young child's logic, but nevertheless, the urge is there and Light has a hard time fighting it down.

"It is a good skill to have, particularly in law enforcement," Ryuzaki says, and Light is sure he can read minds because, well, isn't that what he plans on doing with his life? A strange smile twists itself across his features without his permission, and Ryuzaki sees it, of course. He doesn't have to say any anything, though, because Light can see the question in his eyes, and Light doesn't need to be asked.

"I plan on working in law enforcement," he admits, not without a little bitterness, and if possible, the dark haired man's eyes go even wider at this.

"Really? What inspired Yagami-kun to join law enforcement?" he asks, and Light shrugs halfheartedly.

"I don't know- my father, I suppose. He's a police officer," Light admits, ignoring the tiny part of his brain screaming that it isn't right to give out personal information to people who use fake names. He has a feeling, though he doesn't normally rely on feelings, that Ryuzaki can be trusted. There is something in his eyes that makes Light feel safe, whatever that means.

"So he is Yagami-kun's inspiration," Ryuzaki states, and Light wonders at the change in the use of pronouns. It's strange, almost child-like and reminds Light of those annoying girls who think it cute to refer to themselves in third-person, but somehow, the way Ryuzaki speaks doesn't bother Light.

"I suppose, yes. He always works so hard and is dedicated to his job; I admire his sense of justice and how hard he tries to uphold it. I suppose I'd like to try and make a difference in the world as well," Light replies, gazing back up at the star-strewn sky. For a moment, the two of them are both silent, Light gazing at the sky and Ryuzaki doing whatever he his doing.

"But despite this motivation and reasonable dream, Yagami-kun still sounds sad," Ryuzaki says, and Light doesn't have time to stifle the bitter laugh that makes it's way out of him so suddenly. _Sad_- is he sad? Surely, he can't be, not when he's so privileged and has everything he could ever want. Well, almost everything he could ever want-

"It's just so difficult," he starts, and continues before his better half can tell him to shut up. "I'm more than smart, you know. I don't need to study, and I learn quickly. Ever since I can remember, I've been able to _reason_- I've understood things that kids my age shouldn't. The world made sense to me, people made sense to me. And it's so difficult, because I'm so different," Ryuzaki says nothing, and Light takes this as an invitation to continue.

"The first time I realized I wasn't normal, I must have been about six or seven. My sister is three years younger than me, and the adults had been going crazy over her. I was so quiet, and reserved and well behaved; she was so cheerful and happy. I overheard some women gossiping- about me. They mentioned how strange I was, how still and silent and _obedient_ I was. They said I was too smart for my age, that I spoke like an adult without the usual naiveté of a child," Light took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, but the words just kept tumbling out, unending in their newfound freedom.

"From then on I compared myself to other children and realized that I _wasn't_ normal- who else could read the books I was at that age? Who else could master math problems and equations after only looking at the instructions once? I was bored in school and borrowed textbooks from the older students, just to read; to learn more; to challenge myself. I realized that I wasn't at all normal, and decided to try as hard as I could to blend in with the rest of the world,

"But it's so …hard," Light said lamely. "I can't stand people- or, rather, I suppose I can't stand that I need to pretend to be something that I'm not. I have to speak in simpler terms, I have to water down anything I want to say because nobody can keep up, and it makes me sick. It's so tiring, and I'm tired of trying so hard. I do want to work for the law, but how much of a challenge will it be? I've already helped my father on some of his cases, just by doing some of my own research and telling him what I thought. If I can help solve cases that professionals can't while in high school, then what left is there for me in the real world? I just …I'm tired. I'm tired of it," he finished lamely, feeling his cheeks burn.

Again, silence fell, but it was nowhere near as comfortable as it was before; Light had, after all, just dumped his pathetic, petty issues on this strangers shoulders, like a man going through a mid-life crisis. It was rather humiliating, actually, and Light was just wondering if he could get away with excusing himself and fleeing when Ryuzaki spoke up again.

"So Yagami-kun is dissatisfied with life because it holds no challenge for him, has nobody for him to relate to?" Ryuzaki asked, expertly summing up Light's confession in one neat little sentence.

"Essentially, yes," Light agreed, an immense wave of relief and gratitude overwhelming him. "I feel like I'm just floating along, letting myself go wherever I'm expected to go. Wherever the wind may blow me, I suppose," he added wryly, and glanced at Ryuzaki, whose dark eyes were gleaming in the yellow lamplight.

"I believe I can safely tell Yagami-kun that I understand him perfectly, being a bit of a genius myself," he admitted, and Light nodded, believing him without needing any further proof. There was just something about the man that assured Light of everything he said- it was almost scary, the way Light found himself trusting this man, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. How long had it been since he had spoken so freely with anyone? Without having to water down or explain his reasoning to people who wouldn't understand. How long had it been since he had said something and someone had understood exactly what it meant? Ryuzaki had, after all, summed up all of Light's words in a single sentence, without needing any further explanation. That in itself was a miracle, Light thought.

"I know life is difficult for you now, Yagami-kun, and I understand how tiring it is. I remember my own adolescence quite well, and the feelings of loneliness and boredom that you are feeling. It may seem incomprehensible and impossible now, but life _does_ get better for people like you and I," Light gazed at him unwaveringly, taking in every minute detail of the man's face as somebody finally told him the words he needed to hear.

"People will not understand Yagami-kun, that I am almost sure of- as you said, it is difficult to come across good conversation, and I do believe that I am having good conversation with Yagami-kun right now. If I can speak to Yagami-kun comfortably, then I doubt that many others will be able to," that was not very encouraging to hear, but the fact that Ryuzaki was enjoying their conversation lifted his spirits considerably. "I believe that Yagami-kun will make an excellent upholder of the law, regardless of what position you pursue. Work hard in your studies and pursue anything else that may interest you- a few languages, perhaps. I am sure that with talent as promising as Yagami-kun's, he will find himself with many great possibilities open to him in the future, and will be able to find a career that suits him best,"

It wasn't the most original advice in the world, and it certainly wasn't much different from what he got from attempting to confide in his mother and sister, but somehow, Light felt better. His head felt clearer, his body felt lighter, and the world looked a little more inviting. The fact that Ryuzaki, a man whom Light had only just met but immediately felt connected to, was giving him this advice was what made it so different- Ryuzaki, a man who like Light, could not connect with the vast majority of the world and operated outside of the normal parameters of society. The only obvious difference was that Light strived to fit in with society, while Ryuzaki didn't seem to care what people thought of him, if the way he dressed was anything to go by. Light wondered if he had ever cared, or whether it was something that only came with experience.

"Thank you," Light said seriously, putting as much emotion into the words as he could, while unaccustomed to expressing his feelings in such a way. A small smile tugged at the corners of Ryuzaki's lips, and a certain gleam shone in his eyes as he held Light's gaze. "You're welcome," he replied just as solemnly, and Light smiled at him.

"Yagami-kun should probably return home soon, it is quite late and no doubt his parents are worrying about him," Ryuzaki suggested gently, and Light checked his watch quickly, wincing.

"Yeah, I probably should," he agreed, standing up swiftly and turning his gaze to the sky one last time. He let out a sigh of relief, distantly appreciating the beauty of the stars and exploring the strange warmth in his chest. _Hope._

"I am not originally from Japan," Ryuzaki started suddenly. "But I often find myself here for work. If Yagami-kun would permit it, I would like to visit with him the next time I am in the area," Light looked away from the heavens and smiled at Ryuzaki, with his messy hair and sloppy clothes- a man so unlike himself and yet identical to him.

"I'd like that," Light told him, and Ryuzaki smiled at him, a small, shy thing, but a smile nonetheless.

"Let me give you my number, so you can contact me anytime you would like someone to talk to," Ryuzaki offered, dropping the strange use of pronouns and slipping instead into more conventional speech patterns. Light was almost positive that this was a subtle sign to show how serious Ryuzaki was about this proposition, and deep inside him self he felt that warm feeling at the thought.

"Okay," Light replied simply, and Ryuzaki dug around in his pockets for a moment before clutching what looked like an old receipt. He looked at Light, who immediately understood and reached into his bag for a pen. A few seconds later, and Light was holding what was indeed an old receipt from what looked to be a bakery, with a foreign number scrawled across it.

"Call or text me whenever you are in need of conversation. I will most certainly pick up if it is Yagami-kun who is calling," Light smiled gently at this, and held out his hand to Ryuzaki.

"I'm glad I met you," he said honestly, his cheeks warming a little, and Ryuzaki smiled back at him too.

"I too am glad that I could meet Yagami-kun," he said, grasping Light's hand firmly before they smiled once more at each other and went their separate ways without another word.

And even though he was scolded when he returned home, even though Sayu pestered him and asked him if he had been hooking up with a girl, even though the world ran as it always did the next morning, Light found himself facing the day with a little more hope than usual; his cell phone rested reassuringly in his pocket, with Ryuzaki's number recorded, ready to contact him the next time Light needed somebody to speak with.


	14. Chess

Wow, so I'm not sure where this came from, or how it's related to chess, but, well, this is what the prompt inspired.

And yes, an new update within a week- it's a miracle, I know. Honestly, your reviews inspired me! I was such a treat to log on and see so many reviews! To all of you who review, _thank you_ so much. It really does inspire me to write more often! And to those of you who have added this story to your favourites and whatnot, I thank you as well. The only thing I ask is that you _review_- I love feedback! Anyways, enjoy this chapter, and be sure to check my profile in the near future- I'm thinking of finally posting some novel length fics sometime soon!

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Chess**

"You win _again_!" Mello crows as L gently flicks Whammy's king over with a quiet _'checkmate'_. Whammy smiles benevolently at his charge and leans back into the chair with a gentle sigh.

"Perhaps we have had enough chess for the time being- would you like some tea, L?" he asks, and L nods swiftly with a brief smile, for tea is equal to sweets, and L is just about ready for his afternoon snack.

"And you as well, Mello?" Whammy asks the young blonde, who nods vigorously.

"Chocolate, please!" he chirps, earning a smile from the elderly man.

"Anything in particular?" Mello shakes his head in response, his hair swinging wildly about his face.

"No, anything chocolate is fine!" he replies, and scoops the chess pieces off of the board and into the box, folding up the rest of the set afterwards. He beams up at L, dark eyes shining happily. L smiles back at the blonde and sets his feet on the floor, silently inviting him to come close. Mello does more than this as he clambers onto the couch L is seated upon and snuggles into his side; L wraps an arm around his thin shoulders and Mello sighs happily.

"How long will you be gone for, L?" he asks, almost randomly, but L knows that Mello has been waiting all day to ask this question and has been waiting for just the right moment to mention it.

"I cannot say; you have been keeping up with the Kira case, have you not?" L receives an enthusiastic nod in response so he continues. "It will be the most challenging case I have ever taken on, I think- I have not been able to solve it from overseas, and that alone indicates how difficult it will be," L pauses for a minute, attempting to make an estimate with the bits of information he has already gathered. If the Yagami boy is as intelligent as L suspects he is…

"It could be a number of months before I can solve this case," he answers and Mello says nothing in response, but leans his head on L's shoulder, falling silent for a few moments. They sit together, the two of them, in perfect tranquility. L has always been amused by the submissive and docile temperament Mello exhibits when alone with him. Usually the young teen is loud and obnoxious; L finds that he softens considerably when it is just the two of them.

As his mentor, L supposes that it is only natural that Mello should want to do everything possible to please him. The boy idolizes him, cares for him, and L likes that he gets to see such a private side to him; L can only return the sentiment by allowing Mello to grow closer to him than any other child ever has.

"You'll solve it, you're the greatest detective in the world!" Mello enthuses, softly though, and L smiles, resting his chin on top of soft blonde hair.

"I cannot deny that. However, there is a chance that this case will be too difficult for me to solve on my own. I may need the help of my successors," he admits, and feels Mello tense up a little from his place beside him.

"Have you chosen your successor yet?" he asks, peering up at L through his thick fringe, and L smiles a little wryly.

"No, not yet. I still believe that you and Near would work well together- you balance each other out," he informs him, again, and Mello just shrugs.

"We don't get along," he mutters, and L snorts a little.

"So I've heard. It would do you well to try and get along though. There is a very high chance that I will need your help, and together, I believe the two of you would be able to help solve the case," Again, Mello shrugs the suggestion off. L knows he is almost painfully jealous of Near's intelligence, that he secretly fears L will no longer like him if he cannot best the younger boy. L isn't sure how Mello can feel such a thing when he is perfectly aware that L has never spoken to any other child but himself, but attributes it to Mello's basic personality. The blonde, while determined, energetic and very much extroverted, is also someone who thrives off of attention and love from others- a low self-esteem, despite all of his apparent confidence, L thinks; he is sure it is a product of his disturbing childhood.

Whammy returns at this point, with a trolley laden with pastries both to L and Mello's likings. There is a pot of tea, Earl Grey by the scent, and two china teacups. L helps himself to the sweets and motions for Mello to do the same; Whammy fixes their tea just the way they like and then excuses himself from the room- no doubt to spend a bit more time with Roger, his long-time friend and co-conspirator. Whammy, much like L himself, seems to know that there is a significantly high chance that they will not be returning from Japan this time…

L glances at Mello, who eats his chocolate with relish but sips at his tea with all of the properness of a well-born aristocrat; Mello, who loves L more than perhaps anyone, excepting Whammy. L feels a tightness in his chest when he thinks that he might never see the vivacious blonde again, and wishes for the first time that things would turn out differently from what he expects.

"You won't be coming home, will you?" Mello asks quietly, with an intuition that never fails to astound L. If there is one thing that Mello excels at in which even L does not; it is his empathy, his intuition and ability to read people. L frowns and sets down his tea, the statement disturbing him far more than he cares to admit.

"There is a good chance," L says slowly, and Mello sets his own tea down as well. "That I will not live to see the end of this case," the words hang heavily in the following silence, and a shadow overtakes the room as a cloud passes overhead outside. _Pathetic fallacy_, L thinks as the room dims and Mello turns his large eyes up to L's face, looking far older than L likes. His mortality finally seems real, and although L has always been very aware of the risks of his job, he has never felt as vulnerable as he does now, after admitting the truth aloud.

"If he kills you," Mello says lowly. "I promise I will hunt him down and finish the case; I'll avenge you no matter what it takes," there is conviction and determination in his voice, and L shakes his head a little ruefully.

"All I want, Mello, is for you and Near to cooperate to solve the case if I should die. That would be more than enough to put my soul at ease," he admits, and Mello nods, leaning into him again, abandoning his tea and chocolate completely. L closes his eyes and pulls Mello close, forgetting his own sweets in favour of the human contact that he so rarely allows himself. _But now_, he thinks,_ but now, I'll let myself go. Just for a little while_.

"I hope," Mello whispers after some time passes and the room is bathed in sunlight again. "I hope, that it turns out okay. That you can come home,"

"I do too," L murmurs with more truth, more emotion, more _humanity_ in his voice than he ever remembers having. _I do too._


	15. Duty

Sorry about the wait for this one; the end of the term is approaching and that means essays and end of term tests are taking up much of my time, alongside the almost stupid amounts of reading I need to get one (about fifteen novels since September, not to mention various plays and poetry from some of my anthologies). I'm hoping that wil a month of only working and an intense desire to write, I'll churn more out over the next for weeks.

For now, let's just move on to the story, yes?

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Duty**

Light Yagami was a man who was sure of what he wanted. He was a man who knew exactly what he wanted and had no hesitations in going after it. He was a man who had nothing to fear from the world and took everything it had to offer.

Or at least, that was how he usually was.

Right now, Light Yagami felt every inch the lost and confused teenager that he really was. People often commented how easy it was to forget that he was still so young; Light was now experiencing that same sentiment. For much of his young life he had held himself above others, had thought himself so much smarter and more mature than even the adults who talked to him. After finding the Death Note, after ridding the world of criminals and after finally regaining his memories and learning that his plan had worked out almost flawlessly, Light had felt even more confident and superior than usual.

Except for now. Right now, at this very moment, Light Yagami was feeling very much like an uncertain eighteen year old faced with a difficult decision he did not want to make. Kira was on the back-burner tonight, and Light was allowing himself a brief moment to be the unsure, nervous boy that he almost never was.

The cause for all of this uncertainty? _L_; always L. L, who wasn't even conscious right now but instead was sprawled out on the bed he and Light had shared for so long; the bed that had held all of their secrets and faithless promises. The bed that seen the beginnings of their doomed relationship and the bed that would see the end of it. The bed where Light gave up and let L have him, the bed where Light continued to let L play their game even knowing how it would end.

Light looked upon the older man, the way the bleached light of the moon shone on his pallid skin and made him look so much like the corpse he would become tomorrow. Any of his little colour was sucked out in the monochrome of the middle of the night, and Light admired the way his inky black hair contrasted with his bone white face. It was unearthly, it was haunting, and it made Light think about what was going to happen tomorrow. Not that Light hadn't thought about it- of _course_ he had, with plans like his he _had_ to have thought about it. It was just …the consequences, the one flaw in his otherwise brilliant plan: the stupid relationship he had gotten himself into. The strange pressure in his chest that he had noticed after regaining his memories; the way he felt his lips quirk up when L shot a small, secretive smile at him; the discomfort and inability to sleep when he had returned home and to his own bed- the comfort and familiarity of a warm body by his side that helped him drift peacefully off to sleep when he returned to headquarters that same night. Little things that L did that made Light feel stupidly happy, made him feel content and made him feel, well, _loved_.

Light knew what it was like to be loved, of course. His mother and father and sister loved him, but there was something different about L's love. L's love was subtle and stealthy and completely entrancing. It was everything Light could have asked for and nothing that he could ever have imagined. It was their arguments over the most trivial of things (like how much sugar L put in his tea) and their conversations that never left Light wishing for something more fulfilling (like their very long and very drawn out discussion on the real Ryuuga Hideki and his dubious reasons for becoming a celebrity- Sayu never had to know that Light could gossip like the best of them). There were the sly glances and gentle touches and inappropriate innuendos that nobody but Light could decipher; there were the heated glances and warm bodies and a feeling of completion. There was the unity and diversity; there was the world at their fingertips.

And it left Light feeling uncertain. _Very_ uncertain. It was the one miscalculation in his plan, the one possibility he had overlooked, and it was the one thing that could very well lead to his downfall. His love for L had surpassed even what Light might have predicted if he taken the time to think about it- it went beyond fascination and mutual understanding; beyond enjoying one another's company and getting along well. It was a relationship between to extreme individuals, two people who could not and would not ever be able to connect with the rest of the world. It was a relationship that Light had found himself enjoying, that had tested his intelligence and sated his desire to be truly understood and cared about despite all of his faults (because there were faults, and in this dark hour not even Light could deny them to himself).

It was love at its most dangerous, and Light was terrified of it. It was love that was causing his hesitation, love that was forcing him to second-guess himself._ What would it be like with L gone? Would it crush him to live with the knowledge that he killed the one person who could understand him? Would the loneliness be the thing that took him down? Would it drag him down and slowly suffocate him until Light went crazy in L's absence?_ Already L's eminent death was torturing Light; the prospect of it made his chest feel heavy and his breath come a little quicker- it made his head light and his hands tremble. Was L's death really what he wanted anymore? Did he really want to live a life where he had nobody to talk with? He had done it before, had done it a full seventeen years before L came into his life, but it was just that: L came into his life. And Light wasn't sure if he could go back to life the way it was before.

But he had a duty, didn't he? He had a job to do, and he was the only person who could do it. L could have helped him, if his misguided sense of justice wasn't in place. No matter how deeply Light cared for L, he would never think that L's form of justice was superior to his. He was cleansing the earth, ridding the world of the vile scum that marred its beauty. He was making the world a better place for innocent people to live in. He was doling out proper justice using a clear and unbiased view; with the only person he could ever relate to out of the way, he could easily pass judgment on the world with his indifference to the rest of the human race. He had no real attachments to people, and if Light's own happiness had to be sacrificed in the name of the greater good …well, that was how he had always lived his life, hadn't he?

Of course he had. With no one to relate to, he had dumbed down his conversation enough so others could understand him. He had played the part of the perfect son so as not to worry his family, when in fact he was incredibly and deeply depressed. He had put on the content and happy act so that his parents wouldn't be hurt, so they wouldn't worry- so they wouldn't know that Light was bored, so painfully bored and wanted it all to just _end_, somehow, if it meant relieving that boredom. He had taken girls out and dated them and kissed them because it was the right thing to do even though he had absolutely no libido and no interest in any sex. He had sacrificed all of his happiness in the pursuit of making everybody else's lives a little easier- surely he could do it again, couldn't he?

Yes, he could, he had to. It was his duty, as a superior human being, to help clean up the world. Light wasn't one to delude himself: there was no god, and he was no god, but he was the closest thing humanity would get to a god, and it was only right that with his superior intellectual abilities and his detachment from the world that he try and make it better. And if it meant giving up his only chance at love and happiness then so be it. There would be no one else after L, just like if L won there would be no other case after the Kira case.

He would perform his duty, Light decided even as he gazed upon the sleeping figure of L. He would continue as he had his whole life and give up what he really wanted. He would strive to finish his work even if it meant L had to die. There would be no enjoyment in the act, none at all, Light realized. He had once thought L's defeat would be the happiest moment of his life, but he had to come to terms with the fact that he had miscalculated, and had found a companion in L. It would not be a happy moment, but a necessary one.

_Necessary_, he reminded himself as he closed his eyes and blindly groped for L's warm hand, pulse steady and very much alive for the time being. _Necessary_.


	16. Rip

It isn't a work of art, and there are probably mistakes. But I felt like doing it, so here it is.

Please review! I get so many favourites and alerts, but no reviews! Let me hear what you have to say!

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Rip**

"This seems like it is going to hurt, Light-kun," L was whining, and he did not care. Pain was not something he particularly enjoyed and he had no wish to inflict it upon himself.

"Well, you'll just have to do it quickly then," Light replied, a hint of impatience creeping into his voice. L looked into those wide brown eyes and narrowed his own in response.

"Light-kun just wants to see me suffer," he accused, and Light just frowned at him. He had been rather subdued ever since their fight two days ago. He nursed a split lip and multiple bruises on his torso, but L was pretty sure the most damaged part of him was his pride. Oh well- it served him right realy, trying to attack _L_ , of all people!

"No, Ryuzaki, I just want to see that disgusting bit of filth you call a bandage removed from your body this instant. I have to sleep in the same bed as you, you know! I don't want to sleep with a man who has dirty bandages spreading germs all over the place," Light replied, and L just glared at him. He was not dirty! He may have dressed like a slob, but he was most definitely not unhygienic. Even if he ate in bed and consequently got crumbs everywhere.

"I still think Light-kun is simply sadistic," L mumbled, eyeing Light apprehensively as the boy approached him and reached out a hand. "What are you doing?" he demanded as Light moved to touch the bandage. Light stopped and heaved a great sigh, as if he was in the midst of a serious existential crisis.

"I am going to pull it off for you, since you can't seem to do it yourself," he said simply, and L just stared at him, feeling a tick developing in his right eye.

"Light-kun, the prospect of you _wanting_ to inflict pain on me seriously raises your Kira percentages," L stated blandly, inwardly smirking as two blotches of colour rose to the boys face and his eyes flashed angrily.

"Will you just shut up and pull the fucking bandage off? Or are you going to have me do it so we can get this over with and I can _finally_ go to sleep?" Light snapped, and L could not suppress the smirk tugging at his lips so he raised his thumb to his lips instead, hoping this would serve to further infuriate Light.

It did. L practically danced with glee as he saw Light's left eye twitch in aggravation.

"I don't know, Light-kun. The idea of allowing you to willingly harm me is worrisome, and if you were to gain pleasure from such an act, there really is- "

_Rip._

"_ARGH FUCK!_"

Light smiled winningly at L as he clutched at his arm and inwardly bemoaned the few hairs that had been ripped off of his arm along with the adhesive bandage. L was certain he saw a maniacal, sociopathic gleam in the brunette's eyes, even through the tears of pain that had sprung to his eyes as he felt his hairs disconnect from his arm.

"Well, now that that's over with," Light said as he happily threw the old bandage out and inspected L's arm for what was sure was proof of his crime. "We can finally go to sleep. Your cut looks healed, I don't think you'll need a new bandage," he said pleasantly, smiling at L so disarmingly that L could only glare hatefully.

"You ripped my arm hair off!" he accused, and Light shrugged, already moving to the bathroom door.

"It happens. Honestly, Ryuzaki, you're such a baby. It's gone, it's over, so let's just go to sleep now, 'kay?" he said, even as he yawned through the last word. L allowed himself to be pulled to the bed by the chain as he cradled his injured arm to his chest.

"Your percentages have risen dramatically, Light-kun, at this enjoyment of the pain of others. I'd say about fifteen to twenty-"

"Ryuzaki." It was a statement, and L stopped speaking, even though his eyes was most definitely twitching now and he felt like bashing the teen's head into the wall. _Nobody_ interrupted him when he was speaking.

"Shut the fuck up, _please_," Light said without even turning around, climbing into their shared bed and curling up into a ball before L had even gotten on the bed.

There was nothing L could say, really. So he allowed Light to bask in his supposed victory.

L couldn't wait for Light to wake up in the crumb infested bed he was sure to provide.


	17. Missing Time

**Missing time**

Time sort of slunk by in a subtle, unnoticed sense, for Light. It had passed him by without changing much, had kept the world turning and kept lives running; it sort of felt as though he had been totally exempt from time's passage.

That wasn't the case, of course. He was twenty-four now and had the faintest of lines at the corners of his eyes from squinting at computer screens for so long. His skin had grown a little paler at being cooped up indoors for such long periods of time and his shoe size went down by a half a size, for whatever obscure reason; surely it couldn't have been because he had, somehow, lost weight over the years?

He didn't mind his quiet, cooped-up life. Not at all- he had chosen it, after all. He had made the decision to give up humanity for a lost cause and join L on his crusade to save mankind through slower and less effective means. There wasn't any fulfillment in their incarcerating prisoners, and there was no real fear of consequences like there was when Kira was alive, but Light liked the mental stimulation and he liked being with L even more. So it was okay, he supposed.

On the rare occasions when L decided he wanted to go outside and Light joined him, he always marveled at how much the world seemed to change yet stay the same. There were new advertisements, new fashions and new music: it was pop-culture and society and life that both L and Light were exempt from. The only social changes they really kept tabs on were world politics, and only because it was necessary to their line of work.

Inside, it was just the two of them, just their intellect and their conversation and their cases to work on. Just their physical closeness and sex that had long since ceased to manipulative. They were alone in their own little universe inside whatever building they were residing in and the world went on without them. But Light found that he didn't mind the missing time as much as he once did.

It hadn't begun with love, but he supposed that that was what kept them going, what kept them content and peaceful in their isolated world. _Love_. And time went on regardless, the same unstoppable force that it always had been and would continue to be.

It was secluded and quiet, but to Light, it was enough.

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If it's any consolation for the long wait, I have been working on later chapters when I can't think of anything for the next prompt. Hopefully I can fit more in around the obscene amount of reading I have to do ;)

To everyone who reviewed, _thank you_! To those of you who didn't: please review! This is a challenge for myself and a way to improve my writing, so tell me how I'm doing? Or just drop a line or two. Let me know what you think!


	18. Crest

**Crest**

It was hard, sometimes, for L to look at Light and realize the full extent of his feelings, especially as his emotions fluxed with every glance, movement and word spoken by the younger man.

It was extremely difficult; he sighed mentally as he glanced at Light and locked gazes with him. The gentle brown eyes were blurry with weariness, but the corners of Light's mouth lifted in a tiny, half-hearted smile and his eyes were kind despite his exhaustion. L felt his own lips almost curve upwards in response, but curbed the reaction.

"Would Light-kun like to retire for the night?" L asked blandly, feeling the familiar swell of emotion as Light nodded his head kittenishly and yawned hugely, his hand coming up a little to late.

"If you wouldn't mind," was the polite response, and almost instantly the affection was gone and L wanted to sneer at the attempt to play pacifist.

"Light-kun should alert me when he is tired, he needs sleep in order to work properly and I cannot have him working at anything other than his absolute best," L responded, perhaps a little too harshly, as Light's eyes dimmed and his smile disappeared. L determinedly ignored the guilt that immediately burned at his stomach and stood up, stretching his arms up above his head and sighing as his back popped satisfyingly.

"That doesn't sound very healthy," Light commented as he too stood up and rotated his wrist a few times. L briefly wondered if the boy was developing carpal tunnel, or perhaps suffering from repetitive stress syndrome, but promptly dismissed the the thought; Light would not hesitate to alert him if he were in any serious pain.

"It is perfectly normal," L replied and switched off their computers, scooping up his laptop and leading the way up the stairs to their room. Neither of them spoke as the made their way to their shared room, and L thought it odd that Light was so quiet tonight. He must have been quite tired, to have nothing to say about the files he had been looking over. For an instant L was overcome with the urge to mention something related to the case, just to hear Light talk, but figured he owed the teen a reprieve. L wasn't like most people, but he was sure the majority of them did not like to discuss work after such a long workday; surely Light would want peace for the rest of the night.

With that surprisingly kind thought in mind, L wordlessly opened the door and held it open for the brown-haired boy, who stumbled through with none of his usual grace, seemingly occupied with the task of reaching the wardrobe and changing into his sleep-clothes.

L popped the button of his jeans and shimmed out of them effortlessly, grabbing a pair of sweatpants off of the floor where he had left them earlier that morning and then pulled his shirt up and over his head, where he allowed it to dangle on the chain. Light similarly pulled on his preferred sweatpants and held out his wrist to L, who recognized the action as a request to remove the cuff so Light could switch shirts. L didn't much like removing the handcuff from Light, but it was the easiest way for him to dress without maneuvering the chain through clothes, especially as Light refused to sleep shirtless. Something about boundaries and how it was too intimate to sleep in so little clothing in such a strange situation. L didn't particularly care for Light's reasoning, but allowed the boy his quirks and simply unlocked the handcuff each night and watched closely as Light dressed, ready to tackle him in case he tried to do anything.

Light never did anything suspicious or threatening though, and tonight was no exception; he just pulled off the shirt he had been wearing and slipped on the baggy, old t-shirt he seemed to prefer above all others. He held his wrist back out to L, who snapped the cuff back on, and then dragged himself over to the bed, where he fell down onto it without even folding his clothes.

L was vaguely intrigued. Light was usually quite adamant in properly putting away his clothes and then meticulously brushing his teeth and hair. He must have been much more tired than L thought he was.

"Light-kun is not going to brush his teeth tonight?" L asked as he moved to climb onto the bed, carrying his laptop with him. Light groaned incoherently into the pillow and this time L couldn't stop the small twitch of his lips. It was the moments like these that he enjoyed, moments when Light completely let his guard down and allowed L to see the immature, whiny and even needy side of him. It was beyond entertaining for L, not only because he loved to see the real side of Light Yagami, but also because, well …

It was endearing. Kind of cute, actually, when Light would tilt his head up just enough so sleepy brown eyes peered out from behind his ruffled fringe.

" 'M too tired," Light mumbled thickly, dropping his head back onto the bed and wriggling his whole body in what L supposed to be a strange fit of bliss. He smiled indulgently, completely unable to help it. Light reminded him so much of Mello at times it was disconcerting. Not the more recent, abrasive Mello that had been suffering through puberty, but the small, happy child who had unconditionally loved L for reasons L could not comprehend. Mello had been cute and fluffy and well, it made L cringe to think it, but _adorable_. And sometimes Light acted in such a similar way, and sometimes it made L's skin crawl to think that he found a serial killer adorable but there it was …

"Light-kun needs to get under the blankets, or he will wake up cold and he will miss out on precious REM sleep," L told him, but only received a single, drawn out groan in response. L ignored this and booted up his laptop, but glanced at Light a few minutes later, having noticed that the brunet so much as shifted.

"Light-kun, you could not have possibly fallen asleep like that," L stated, squashing the urge to outright laugh because Light would just get defensive, tired as he was and L didn't particularly enjoy dealing with a cranky Light Yagami.

Light moaned again in response, turning onto his side and curing his legs up to his chest. L decided it was time to use force and set his laptop out of the way. He slid off of the bed and walked around to Light's side, where the boy remained unmoving.

"Come now, Light-kun. I will have to put you under the sheets myself if you don't cooperate," L only got a vague mumble that sounded like "I don't care," so he snaked an arm around Light's shoulders and another under his knees. The boy growled as L lifted him, and L just smirked down at the one eye glaring at him.

"You left me no choice," he said by way of explanation and set Light up at the head of the bed, resting half him on his knee as he used his free hand to pull the covers back. For an absurd moment L felt as though he was tucking his child into bed, and then thought back on how he used to tuck Mello into bed. He decided it was cute that Light -proud, stoic, eighteen-year-old Light- was allowing himself to be tucked into bed by a twenty-four year old man.

"Light-kun is like a child," L told him as he laid Light down and pulled the covers up and over the boy, who sighed contentedly and snuggled into the pillows.

"Whatever," he mumbled, eyes closed once more and body completely relaxed. L raised shook his head with a half grin and shuffled back over to his side of the bed, where he pulled the blankets over his lap and pulled his laptop to him. Light rolled over so that he was facing L and opened his eyes just as L glanced over at him.

There was a lot of emotion in those eyes, and L felt overwhelmed by the obvious affection brimming up inside them.

"Goodnight, L," Light whispered, slowly letting his eyes fall shut again, and L turned away with a faint smile, gently placing a hand on Light's soft hair.

"Goodnight, Light," he replied, almost intimately with the lack of honorific, and removed his hand.

He thought that he might understand now; his feelings, as they crested and crashed like waves upon a shore.


	19. Itch

There are getting weirder and weirder. Thank you to those of you who reviewed and favourited this story! Continue with the feedback, it's much appreciated!

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Itch**

Light squirmed in his seat, attempting to rotate his shoulder in a way that he felt couldn't be done without extreme discomfort. With a quick glance to see that no one was looking, he attempted to lean back and rub himself against the back of the chair.

He had an itch, right in between his shoulder blades. It had been bothering him for the last five minutes, but he had determinedly tried to ignore it. Of course, the itching only got worse as the seconds passed by until the only thing Light could concentrate on the was the aggravating, maddening sensation of an itch left unscratched.

Rubbing against the chair did next to nothing, and instead made him feel incredibly self-conscious. Instead he leaned forwards and tried to stretch out his back so that the skin would pull and the itch would be relieved. No such luck.

A soft, distressed sound rose in his throat and even with his mouth closed it was loud enough for L to hear; the dark haired man flicked his gaze to Light, facial expression never changing but his eyes silently asking what the issue was.

Light ignored him and pretended that he hadn't made the noise. Or that he was unaware. Either way, he did not want to explain to L that he was itchy. It was, well... embarrassing. It was something private that Light hated to do in front of anybody; it was a bodilt function and Light didn't like to deal with such things in public. It was just rude, _wrong_.

He desperately wished that he hadn't gone to the bathroom twenty minutes prior- it was too soon for him to ask for another one.

Well, he supposed he could, if he felt like answering L and telling him the truth of his distress. And Light thought he _might_ be able to tell L, because they were chained together and shared a bed and a bathroom and generally had no privacy, but he didn't want to the task-force to hear.

It just… was private. Was a function of his body and Light felt that most bodily functions were best dealt with in private. It was hard enough to eat in a room full of people, let alone scratch his back. It was just so untidy and base!

He shifted again, feeling his eye twitch as the fabric of his shirt brushed against exactly the spot that itched and only intensified the feeling. This resulted in a violent shudder and L turned his whole body to him this time, something like vague concern crossing his features.

"Is Light-kun okay?" he asked bluntly, earning a mental wince from Light as he felt his chest and neck heat up.

"Ah, yes," he hoped desperately that L would shut up as he felt the task-force train their collective gaze on him. His father's worry was especially obvious, despite the fact that Light had not turned around to look at his face.

"Does Light-kun require another bathroom break? He is shifting around quit a lot and looks uncomfortable," L remarked, and Light looked at him, positive there was a mischievous glimmer in the dark eyes.

"Uh… no, thank-you," Light replied lowly, intent on going back to his work but dammit, the itch was still there and Light was going to go absolutely crazy if he didn't-

A large, thin hand settled on his back, right in between his shoulder-blades; blunt fingernails scratched the skin through the shirt and Light nearly wept with relief.

"Next time, Light-kun," L murmured as he gently scratched Light's back and Light blushed horribly. "Just ask for assistance,"


	20. Explode

Pardon the fluff. (Oh, and REVIEW please!)

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Explode**

"Light-kun …what is this?" Light blushed deeply and tilted his head to the side, his gazed directed to the floor.

"Ah, well, Watari mentioned it was your birthday today…" he said, uncertainty lacing his voice and L felt his chest constrict with fondness. Yagami Light was standing there, in his pseudo-kitchen wearing an apron and presenting a glorious, rounded cake slathered in white frosting, the kanji for '_Happy Birthday, L!'_ written across the flat surface, surrounded by strawberries adorning the circumference of the cake.

Granted, the icing was sloppy and uneven, the kanji was a little crooked, the strawberries were very different sizes, and the apron Light had on was only plain and white, but it didn't stop the strange bubble of joy rising up in L's chest.

"My birthday," L murmured, finding himself at a complete loss for words and Light nodded, continued to blush and stare at the floor in a way very unfamiliar to him.

"Uh, yes. I wasn't sure what to buy a man who had everything, but I figured you'd appreciate a cake. And well, homemade is a little more special, since you always get store bought cakes…" L was quite certain his heart was about to explode from the sheer happiness he was feeling and was surprised to feel a smile overtake his features. A real, genuine smile directed right at the young man before him; said young man stared at L in surprise and L vaguely wondered if he should perhaps smile more often.

"Light-kun baked me a cake," It wasn't a question, and Light nodded slowly, apprehensively.

"Yes. I know it doesn't look very good," this was said with a glare directed at the cake. "But I followed the directions to the letter and the batter tasted normal, so it should taste okay," Light continued to look at the cake with a small amount of contempt and disappointment; aggravated because he couldn't decorate a cake like a professional, L thought, and slowly stepped over to Light.

"I …nobody has baked me a cake but Watari over the last several years," Light looked back to him, hesitance written all over his face and L had the sneaking suspicion that Light was worried L wouldn't like his gift. The thought only made his smile stretch wider.

"I am truly happy that Light-kun has made me this cake. It is the perfect gift," L declared, stopping at the table and next to Light, who bit his lip adorably and looked down at the cake.

"Ah. I'm glad you like it," was the stoic response, and L grinned at Light's obvious discomfort. It seemed the boy was unused to doing such kind things for other people.

"I do, very much so. I would like to try it," this earned a smirk from Light, as he picked up a knife and looked at L.

"Would you like me to cut you a piece?" His confidence was reasserted with feelings out of the way and L almost laughed, but held back lest he insult Light and receive no cake.

"Yes, please," He watched attentively as Light angled the knife and elegantly cut a fair sized wedge. Light may not have been a genius cake decorator, but he knew how to cut a perfect slice of cake and L smiled happily as he transferred the cake to a plate without losing even a crumb. Light handed him the plate and a fork, watching him apprehensively.

It looked delicious, soft and slightly spongy. White cake covered in white icing with strawberries and chocolate drizzle. It was sloppy but perfect, and L eagerly cut a piece with the fork. He took the bite and sighed blissfully as the sweet taste of vanilla and strawberries with the slightest hint of chocolate attacked his palate. _Wonderful_.

Light's decorating skills may have been sub par, but his baking skills were _excellent_. He hadn't lied when he said he had followed the instructions perfectly. It was delicious and L had a feeling that the fact that Light had baked it for him was part of the reason it tasted so much sweeter and was so much more satisfying than usual. He took a few more quick bites, humming in pleasure before he set the plate down and looked at Light, who was biting his lip again in agitation.

"Is it okay?" he demanded, and L swallowed the rest of the cake before smiling again.

"It is wonderful. Light-kun is an excellent baker," This earned him a satisfied smile, and the pleasure in Light's face only heightened his own.

"Well then," Light said, bushing his hair out of his face. "Happy Birthday, L,"

"Thank you, Light-kun," L said, and stepped closer to the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. Light looked at him, up at him as L stood up a little straighter and pulled him a little closer.

"It is the best gift I have ever received," L murmured, and Light blushed again. Deliciously, when L was this close and could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"It was nothing," Light demurred and L chuckled.

"It was everything," he replied, tilting Light's face up with his thumb to kiss him. Light fairly melted into his embrace and responded enthusiastically, as L knew he would.

"You should eat more of the cake. Since I made it for you and all," Light murmured when they had pulled away. L hummed and continued to hold Light to him, affection and contentment brimming up inside of him until he felt he might explode from the force of the feelings.

"Perhaps I can have both the cake and Light-kun, since it is my birthday," L replied. Light heaved a sigh L knew to be fake.

"I suppose, since it _is_ your birthday," L squeezed him tightly in response and smiled into his neck.

Light hugged him back and L figured that they were done with words for the night.


	21. Rise

For the purpose of this, Light was never found to be Kira.

I decided to forgo the obvious sexual option that 'rise' alludes to.**  


* * *

Rise**

"So, I guess this is goodbye?" Light asked, almost anxiously as he looked distractedly around himself- at the world waiting beyond the tinted glass doors and the hazy months spent inside.

L nodded.

"Yes, Light-kun. This is goodbye,"

Light nodded too and desperately tried to look anywhere other then L's face.

"You …what will you do now?" he was stalling, he knew. His father was waiting for him with a car just outside of the building. But Light was stalling.

_Just go, just go._

"I will continue as I always have," was the enigmatic response, and Light found himself chucking despite the inexplicable despair that was welling up inside of him.

"What, eat cakes and solves cases day in and day out?" It was supposed to be nonchalant and teasing, but somehow it sounded accusatory.

"Yes, I suppose," Light risked a glance at the dark haired detective and determinedly ignored the faint smile gracing the older man's features. _He looks so alive like that._

"What will Light-kun do with himself?" the question stunned Light for a moment. _What am I going to do?_

"I don't know," he said slowly, looking down to the ground. "Go back to school, maybe. It'll be boring though, now that I've experienced more…"

_No, no, don't say that. He'll know. He'll know how much you want him to ask…_

"Light-kun?" Light jerked his head up from where it had fallen so he look at L properly. Hope bloomed in his chest almost painfully and he held his breath as he waited for L to continue speaking.

"… Take care of yourself,"

_Oh._

"Oh…"

_Oh._

"Yes," It was hard to speak against the lump that was rising in his throat. "You too,"

_Don't cry. Don't cry, you'll look like an idiot._

It was rising and rising and Light was sure he was going to choke on it. The hope that had been warm turned cold in his chest and froze his lungs.

_This is nothing. You knew how it would turn out. This is how it ends. Don't cry. _

"Goodbye, Light-kun. I truly enjoyed working with you," L's voice held its usual monotone, his face held no sign of distress. Everything was normal and well for him, while Light was breaking down and losing his grip on himself.

It was too hard to speak. The lump was too painful and made his eyes sting. So he nodded and turned to the doors, pushing them open and walking into the bright sunlight.

_You'll be okay, you weren't even really friends. You were just a suspect and you helped on the case. Just because you slept in the same bed as him for months doesn't mean he wants you to stick around. This is nothing- he's nothing. It's nothing to be upset about._

He could feel L's gaze upon his back as he approached his father's car, even through the tinted, bulletproof glass. He would always know L's gaze.

Light opened the door and slid in silently, murmuring a vague sort of greeting to his father. The lump in his throat loosed somewhat and Light breathed in deeply.

"Light, are you okay?"

_Yes._

"Yes, thank you,"

Silence filled the car as his father began to drive away, and as if drawn by a magnet Light craned his neck to watch the skyscraper grow smaller, the dim outline of a man visible through the glass.

That lump grew tight again and rose so high that Light really did choke, so that a small hiccuping sound escaped his lips. He sensed his father glance over at him, but kept his head resolutely turned, gazing unseeingly out the window. His eyes were stinging terribly and watering; he was crying for the first time in years over a man who had essentially imprisoned him and then chained them together. Over a man who drove Light to near insanity and brought him back again. Over a man who made the world interesting again and provided everything Light could ever want in a friend.

_This is how it ends._


	22. Crumble

First off: thank you for the kind reviws! They made me so happy!

Second: I think a large number of people will recognize the show L and Light are watching- I'll admit I had just finished the season finale and was a little emotional when I decided writing fanfiction was the only way to relieve my pain. And yes, this was my general reaction to the finale- though with less crying the first time round, because my brother was watching with me.

_I do not own Doctor Who, and I don't own Death note, as I've mentioned. _Enjoy!

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Crumble**

_'But me… I could do so much more! So much more!'_

Light's breath hitched suddenly and L looked away from the computer screen where they had spent the last few hours watching online television to the adolescent beside him. Light was biting his lip so hard L feared he would break through the skin; his face was drawn tight with pain and his eyes were watering dangerously.

Was Light Yagami about to cry over a television show___?_

_'And it's not fair!'_ the characters voice broke but L paid no attention as Light's breath hitched again and tears suddenly spilled down his cheeks.

To say L was astonished was an understatement: Light hardly ever cried. In fact, L wasn't even sure if he had ever seen him cry. Not openly like this.

"Light-kun, are you crying?" L asked, completely forgetting about the show as he observed Light, who hastily lifted a hand and scrubbed it across his eyes.

"It's fucking sad!" was the gruff response and tears continued to slowly leak out of his eyes as he stared fixedly at the screen.

"Light-kun…"

"Shut up! This is important!"

L reluctantly returned his attention to the program and watched as the series reached its conclusion, as the protagonist said goodbye to all of the people he held dear to him. But he also watched Light's brow crease and how he continued to gnaw at his lip and rub away tears out of the corner of his eye.

He could barely fathom it. Light Yagami had been reduced to tears because of a television series. Albeit, it was the season finale and it was an incredibly great show, but never in a million years had L thought that Light would cry over something so, well, trivial.

"Light-kun, are you okay?" his shoulders were shaking now as the inevitable conclusion drew close and Light shook his head with a half sob and a half laugh.

"God this is pathetic- but it's so sad! Look at him! He's got no one! He's all alone!" Another sob escaped his throat and L grew a little worried. Was this some sort of delayed reaction to all of the stress that Light had been under over the past few months? Perhaps he was sympathizing with the protagonist so that it allowed him an outlet for all of his pent up emotions?

L looked closely at Light, who sniffled and seemed to pull himself together, his red-rimmed eyes glued to the screen. L turned his head to watch too, as the episode reached the conclusion and his favourite season came to an end. The protagonist stood still, chest heaving and despair written across his features. He looked terrified, L thought; terrified and lonely, and he had to admit that it was a little sad.

_'I don't want to go!'_

The voice was shaky and strained, and L felt a twinge of sympathy for the character as he reached his own end and began to disappear. The feeling was short lived though, as Light sobbed alarmingly and buried his face in his hands.

"Light-"

"It's so sad! It's so fucking sad!" Light cried uncontrollably. L could only watch, mystified, as Light's barely achieved control crumbled and he started crying again- over a fictional character.

"Light…" L started again, at a complete loss. Comforting people had never been one of his strong points, and comforting someone over something so inconsequential was something he had never done before.

"He's all alone!" Light all but wailed, harshly scrubbing his face with the back of his hand and hiccoughing as he tried to suppress his tears.

"It's just a show, Light,"

"I know," Light laughed in a sort of strangled way, and glanced up at L, looking incredibly young and innocent with his glistening eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. He also looked vaguely horrified and L was glad to know that some part of Light was cringing at this overly emotional reaction.

"You're missing the regeneration," L couldn't think of much to say at this point, and Light laughed again.

"I know. But it's just so sad. It just really go to me, how alone he is. How lonely it must be," he was recovering, the quick bout of crying finished and just a few tears left on his cheeks. L reluctantly placed an arm around his shoulders and surprisingly, Light didn't bother shrugging him off.

"Uh, sorry about that," Light murmured a few minutes later as the credits came up and the season finished for good. L felt a strange sense of completion but was more than ready for a break. Maybe a nap in Light's case; L needed a bit of time to reassess and recover from recent events.

"There is no need for Light-kun to apologize," L supposed this was true, though he honestly felt he could have done without the crying. It had been too awkward.

"I must have looked like a complete idiot. God, I don't know what came over me," Embarrassment was creeping into Light's voice, and L felt a wave of relief.

"It happens to the best of us," was his unconvincing response, and Light told him so silently as he arched an eyebrow.

"You've cried over a television show?" he asked shrewdly, and L felt the corners of his lips tug up in a small grin.

"Well, no,"

"Don't tell anyone. I'll seriously hurt you if anyone finds out about this!" Light threatened, and L laughed outright, removing his arm from Light and slowly inching away.

"Of course not. Wouldn't want the world to know that Light Yagami has real, albeit possibly misplaced, feelings," he retorted, earning a glare from the teen.

"I'm serious, L!" he insisted, and L only smirked at him.

"As am I," Light didn't look like he believed him and L felt that that was only fair. After all, it would serve as great blackmail material.


	23. Range

I think I actually pulled off legitimate humor. Also, I have a very intense and far too thought out theory about why Light would take on a more sexually submissive role in a relationship with L -and only L- but I won't get into it here.

Thanks to those who reviewed! I love the comments 3

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**Range**

"Wait," Light said as he and L walked just beyond the collective hearing range of the taskforce. He took a few hesitant steps back to the doorway and L followed reluctantly.

"What is the problem?"

"Shh!" Light said, holding a finger up to his own mouth dramatically and inching a bit closer to the doorway of the task room. "I heard Matsuda say my name,"

"What is this supposed to achieve?"

Light said nothing and leaned in just a bit closer. Was Matsuda gossiping about him? To the rest of the taskforce? Light was going to have to spit in his coffee, if that was the case.

"I don't understand what you're trying to say, Matsuda," came Aizawa'a voice, much louder than Matsuda's had been.

"How can you not? Haven't you seen them?" L leaned in very close and Light shuddered as he felt hot breath against his neck. That was strangely unpleasant.

"Your breath smells terrible," he hissed, though it wasn't that bad, and L just shot him a dark glare in response.

"Sure, we just saw them two minutes ago. What did you want us to see?" Aizawa again. Light's father had gone to get real coffee, and the two of them had gone for a bathroom break. Well, actually, a tea break, with snacks, but the rest of the team didn't need to know that.

"Haven't you seen the way they act when they're together? They're both misunderstood geniuses with like, everything in common! And L is older and probably gets lonely, and Light-kun is young and hormonal, so don't you think they're sleeping together?" Light felt his eyes widen and his cheeks heat up terribly. Matsuda thought they were …having sex? Him and L?

Light risked a glance at L and was disappointed to find that the older man's expression hadn't changed much, except for slightly raised eyebrows.

"Do we really appear that way?" he mumbled to himself and Light raised his own eyebrows.

" …They're chained together: of course they sleep together. They have to share a bed," Mogi said slowly, and Light let loose a little sigh. At least someone had some sense-

"No, I think Mastuda might be on to something. I thought it was kind of strange how they always disappear together and stay late all alone after chasing us out. And chaining Yagami-kun to him- what was L thinking? I mean, Yagami-kun is a good-looking kid and L is …well. Who knows. But I thought it was strange from the beginning,"

Light looked at L again and was glad to see that the detective looked mildly irritated.

"Exactly! And they work so closely together! L sticks very closely to Light-kun, even though they have so much reach between the chain! And Light-kun is always touching him, brushing up against him and putting his hand on his shoulder! L never lets anyone else that close," Light blushed again.

"I don't touch you a lot!" he whispered furiously to L, who didn't respond. Light turned away. He didn't touch L a lot, dammit!

"I wonder though, I mean, Yagami-kun has a girlfriend. Do you think L takes advantage of him?" Aizawa asked, and Light was relieved to hear Mogi groan.

"Yagami-kun is clearly uninterested in Amane-san- he's only dating her now because L asked him to for the sake of the case," that was Mogi's contribution, and Light felt a deep sense of betrayal- wasn't Mogi on his side!

"I don't think L takes advantage of him- I'm pretty sure Light-kun is willing, very willing. Though L is obviously the dominant one," Matsuda put in, and Light was horrified as he cheeks heated even deeper and he had the sudden mental image of L's pale face looming over him.

"Oh, of course, there's no doubt about that. I mean L is obviously older than he looks and there's just something about him, you know? He wouldn't relinquish control. Yagami-kun, on the other hand …" Aizawa trailed off suggestively, and Light cringed as L leaned in even closer, almost across him.

"I agree. Yagami-kun definitely takes on the more submissive role. Though he is very prideful and seems to be very preoccupied with being in control," Light couldn't help but notice that Mogi was rather insightful, although any good will he felt for the man had long since vanished.

"Controlling people are often the ones that secretly like to let go of themselves and have others take charge! L assumes authority more naturally than Light-kun does, he doesn't seem to work for it as hard," Light was going to kill Matsuda. He really was.

"Gentlemen, have we accomplished anything while I was gone?" Light almost sighed out loud in relief as he heard his father's voice. The three men in the room seemed to flounder for a minute, and Light wondered if his father had heard any of their conversation. He hoped to God he hadn't.

"Er, sorry Yagami-san. We were just taking a quick break while L and Light-kun made a trip to the bathroom,"

"Ah. Well, there's no harm in that. They're probably in the kitchen having tea," Betrayal sliced through Light again. From his own father, no less!

"No way!" Matsuda whined, and a thunk sounded after- presumably from dropping his head onto his desk. "They wouldn't, would they?"

"Of course they would," Aizawa snapped, though there was an undercurrent of amusement in his voice. Damn, the three of them probably thought he and L were up to all sorts of strange things on their breaks.

"Come, Light-kun. They have discovered our secret so we might as well enjoy ourselves," L murmured, already walking away and pulling Light along within him. Once they were safely out of earshot Light let his anger boil over.

"I cannot believe that they would gossip about us like that! It's so- unprofessional! And I mean, _seriously_? You and me? That's just wrong on so many levels! I swear, we should spike Matsuda's coffee with something for revenge! Though I can understand him talking like that- I can't believe Aizawa and Mogi got involved as well!" Light breathed heavily as they walked into the kitchen, L saying nothing as he headed for the tea Watari had prepared for them in advance. "Really! And what were they thinking, saying I'd be the bottom," Light snarled as he threw himself into an empty chair and watched as L paused before sitting down. The detective raised his head and looked Light in the eyes, amusement written all over his face.

"Light-kun thinks he would be in the dominant position if we were to fornicate?" he asked, amusement coloring his voice. The rare emotion threw Light off a little, but he collected himself quickly.

"Yeah, of course!" Light was shocked when L tipped his head back and laughed. He laughed normally, Light thought sourly, and was most displeased to realize that L had, in fact, a nice laugh: low and deep, it was the sort of laugh that made others laugh along- if those others weren't a deeply offended Light Yagami.

"Light-kun, you provide me with more entertainment then I even know what to do with," L said, still chuckling as he finally sat down and busied himself with his tea.

"What? What the hell- why are you laughing at me?" Light demanded, and L smirked at him, his shoulders quaking with suppressed laughter.

"I will say nothing and allow Light-kun to continue his blissfully unaware existence," Light frowned and the detective chuckled again before taking a sip of his tea.

"Are you implying that I would be the bottom? Seriously?" Light asked lowly, and L raised an eyebrow skillfully, pausing as he lifted his teacup to his mouth.

"Do I even need to answer that?"


	24. Fight or Flight

I don't really like this one; it isn't very good. Ah well.

* * *

**Fight/Flight**

Light screamed, a terrible, twisted sound and L swung his head around, feeling genuine worry lick at his insides. The Shinigami was quite unnerving, but L didn't think it really warranted such a reaction, not from Light who was always so calm and composed. The howl only lasted a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity to L- he had never heard something so wretched come from the boy before.

"Is Light-kun alright? I admit the sight of a Shinigami would frighten anyone..." L began hesitantly, once Light's screams had died down and silence filled the cockpit. Light's whole body was turned away and his shoulders were shaking; L felt dread in the pit of his stomach and realized that something was not right- that Light should have never touched the notebook.

"Ryuzaki, let's match the names in here with the list of victims," Light said in response, and L frowned.

"Ah, all right," _what the fuck is going on?_

Lights shoulders were still quivering. L glanced over at the Shinigami and the back to Light- a shiver ran down his spine. God, he needed to get the notebook away from Light, there was something so very wrong and every fiber of his being was telling him so. _Light should not have that notebook!_

"Ryuzaki, I did the first page, should I do them all just to make sure?" There was something dark in Light's voice, and L felt another shudder run up his spine.

"No, give me the notebook," he commanded in his most authoritative voice. It seemed to work, because Light looked over at him with surprise written all over his face, clutching the black book to him like it was some sort of lifeline. _Probably is_, L thought darkly as he took in Light's cold face and dead eyes. _He's changed. Somehow he's changed again- to how he was before_.

"I …Ryuzaki, shouldn't we check the names?" L narrowed his eyes and shook his head, holding out a hand for the book.

"No, not now. I will do it later. I'd like to bring Higuchi in for questioning before anything else happens. Now if you please, Yagami-kun, pass me the book," L hadn't intended to address Light by his last name, but somehow it seemed proper.

"L- I think you're in shock or something. We should check over these names now and make sure this is the real thing!" Light insisted, an almost desperate tone entering his voice.

"Yagami. _Give me the book_," L fairly growled and Light looked taken aback, almost fearful. Slowly, as though it caused him great anguish, he stretched out his arms and presented the notebook to L, who tugged at the book, gripping it tightly and with all fingers. Anything to make sure Light let go of the notebook and didn't get a hold of it again.

"Are you sure-"

"I am very sure. I want the book. If I need your help I will tell you," L tugged at the book again, but Light refused to let go, looking almost stricken. L's suspicions skyrocketed and it was clearer than ever: Light Yagami was Kira and L was taking away the very item he used to kill people.

And as L pulled the book from Light's grasp the younger boy raised cold, hard eyes and met L's gaze. The absolute hate and fury stunned L and he drew the book close on instinct, somehow understanding that Light could not have the book. Light glared at him for a few seconds longer, looking like he was truly ready to kill and for the first time since meeting him, L was truly afraid of the slender young man in front of him. His own annoyance flared up even as he felt the idiotic urge to back up against the window and get as far away from Light Yagami as possible. His fight or flight instinct kicked in and L realized he was sweating, his heartbeat accelerating. He wanted to beat Light into a bloody pulp and run the fuck away at the same time. He wanted to kick Light to the ground and show him what true power was; he wanted to kick Light out of the helicopter and flee the country with Watari. Light Yagami's rage was beautiful and terrifying: L gazed at the boy, entranced, even as his eyes lost their hate and cleared.

"… Ryuzaki?" Light's voice was small, timid. He sounded scared, and L wondered if he even remembered his actions.

"Are you alright?" L asked tenuously, and Light shook his head slowly, looking down at his hands.

"I- I …What just happened?" he asked, dazed, and L placed the notebook underneath his feet and sat on it.

"You do not remember?" L gazed at the boy intently, who looked as scared and confused he did the first time he seemed to lose his memories. Light shook his head again.

"No, kind of- I was angry, really angry …the notebook," Light glanced at L fearfully, and L was suddenly sure that Light's memories were somehow influenced by the notebook, there was no other explanation for such severe shifts in his personality. Unless Light happened to have a personality disorder, which L hadn't completely ruled out.

"I believe Light-kun would benefit from some rest. We will return to headquarters and you will sleep," Light just nodded again, and L suddenly felt exhausted. It was too much: Light was Kira, that much was certain. However, he was only Kira when he regained all of his memories, which only happened when he came into contact with the notebook. It would be downright terrible to convict Light without his memories, but it would be almost as bad to kill a man who had the capacity to do good in the world- as long as he never recovered those memories. L sighed.

"Yagami-san, have Higuchi brought to headquarters, I'm leaving you to deal with the rest- Light-kun is unwell, I'm taking him back," Light didn't even argue this, only curled into himself and pulled his feet up onto the seat so he could bury his face in his knees.

L sighed again.

_It wasn't supposed to be so complicated._


	25. Acid

I don't like this one. It was difficult to work this prompt into much of anything, for some reason- though I could have went with the more obvious choice, I suppose.

* * *

**Acid**

Light sighed and rolled over so that he was facing his window. He had forgotten to close the blinds and moonlight streamed in, falling across the end of his bed and the floor. The house creaked as floorboards settled and every so often he could hear cars passing by.

With another sigh he rolled back over onto his back.

He couldn't sleep.

He told himself it was the excitement, the victory of his most recent accomplishment: of regaining his memories and ownership of the Death Note with L being none the wiser. He was too eager to sleep because his mind was still racing, full of ideas and plans for the future once L was out of the way; and L would be gone soon, very soon with the way things were progressing. Yes, it was anticipation that kept him awake, most definitely not the fact that he was uncomfortable in his own home and felt strangely vulnerable without the presence of another individual in his room with him-

No. He didn't miss the lack of privacy and the overbearing presence of L- he had reveled in his first unmonitored shower, when he could groom himself in peace and without the usual complaints that he was wasting precious time. It was absolutely glorious to not feel those wide eyes boring into the back of his head, to use the bathroom _alone_ with no one right outside the door. It was liberating to be alone and not at all uncomfortable- there was no way he missed L, no way he missed sharing a bed and a room and a shower and every other goddamn thing in the building.

Light exhaled sharply and rolled over yet again, facing away from his window this time. He frowned and huffed, his bangs tickling his forehead.

He didn't miss L, it was just- his constant presence had become a part of Light's life. He had become resigned to L watching his every move and somehow it had just become normal. It wasn't until now, in the middle of his first night home that Light realized just how comforting it was to have another person in the room. He had spent nearly his whole life sleeping alone in his own bedroom and now this: a few months chained to another man and he couldn't sleep because he was lonely.

Light paused, then huffed again. He wasn't _lonely_, it was just _weird_: being alone after so long was weird. It wasn't like he had any real attachment to L, they had just spent a long time together and it was only natural that Light would acclimatize to the situation.

_Denial_.

There was a small part of him that worked against this- a voice in the back of his mind that told him he was _wrong_, that he did miss the stupid detective and that no matter how much Light tried to convince himself, he didn't hate him. Not entirely.

There was a part of his mind that forced him to acknowledge that being chained to L, having another person constantly beside him was indeed quite comforting, despite how wearisome the man could be. He felt safe falling asleep with someone to watch over him and even if he hated it at the time, he missed it now.

Light clenched his jaw and shut is eyes tightly. It was his one mistake, overlooking the possibility of a real friendship between them while he had no memories of the Death Note. He hadn't expected to ever like L and most definitely hadn't expected to feel any sort of fondness for the man.

It had made the transition between his two identities much more painful and difficult then he expected. It was as though acid was eating away at his memories; burning away all of the emotions and experiences of his time with L until all that remained was just history with none of the feelings.

Except for that one small voice at the back of his head.

Light heaved another great sigh and flopped back over onto his back.

He just wanted to give up, though he wasn't sure what it was that he wanted to give up.

Repulsion and regret warred against one another, stretched him thin and made him feel old, so old and so very tired. He had a plan and it had been executed perfectly- had went with only the smallest of hitches. And yet it was that one thing, that one tiny detail that was causing his state of turmoil and indecisiveness. Had Light known that things would end in such a way he might have reconsidered the whole idea. He might have had a backup plan- hell; he might have planned for something like this. For liking L.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, wishing absently that his head would stop aching.

It was too much, the raw ache of his mind and the despair rooted deep inside his chest- it was too much to fight the intense, burning hatred that swam through his veins and threatened to consume him entirely.

It was much easier to give in and allow things to happen as they were meant to.


	26. Colour

_Can you tell what country I'm from?_

Mello is ten years younger than L so he is seven- L is seventeen. Just in case any one is wondering.

I think I like this one, though I'm terrible with kids and can't understand their thought process at all. Mello's dialogue might be a little stilted because of that- though most kids don't really speak fluently at that age. Hell, I still don't. Review please- I'm always interested to hear what people have to say!

* * *

**Colour**

L lay on the floor with a colouring book set in front of him. At seventeen he was entirely too old for colouring books, but Mello had made him promise to colour with him the next time he came home. L may have hated most children and didn't care much about promises, but there was something about Mello that made him the one exception and somehow claimed a place on L's list of people he genuinely liked.

At two people it was a rather short list.

He had made his weekly phone call to Mello (the damn brat demanded absolutely everything from him -toys, sweets, phone calls- and L was absolutely powerless to resist), which was when the boy had made his move. With a little pleading and the beginnings of a pout that L could only imagine, the manipulative little bastard had somehow wrestled a promise out of L, who hadn't been able to figure out what was happening quick enough.

And so there he was, lying on the floor of his bedroom and colouring the right page of a colouring book while Mello did the left. The room was silent except for the soft brushing of their markers against paper and the distant voices of children outside. L coloured in the movie characters with a lazy precision and glanced over at Mello every once in a while, who was colouring his page with almost agonizing slowness. After being introduced to Whammy's the boy had been found to be a bit of a perfectionist, a trait that L found mildly worrying but hoped Mello would grow out of. Though L wasn't really one to talk.

"I like colouring," Mello said distractedly as he coloured in the long hair of a princess. L nodded.

"It is nice," It was relaxing, actually. He hadn't allowed himself a break in a very long time and it was nice, just lying there and letting his mind go wherever it liked while he kept his hands busy with colouring.

"It makes me feel better when I get mad," L had also heard that Mello had developed a bit of an attitude, though it was nothing serious. A sharp reprimand seemed to work well enough, though L had never witnessed anything other than an abundance of affection and a desperate need to please. Mello absolutely loved him and L had no idea why- but he let things happen as they did. He rather liked Mello himself.

"You colour to calm yourself down, instead of hitting people?" There had been a few times when Mello -small, underweight and skinny Mello- had gotten into fights with some of the other kids. He tended to emerge as the victorious underdog and L was rather proud of him for that.

"Yeah. Roger says hitting people is bad," L nodded his agreement, partially out of agreement but mostly because he was supposed to be a role model.

"A physical fight is only necessary when you are defending yourself. Never throw the first hit," Mello looked up at L, his dark eyes wide and curious.

"When someone is hurting you it is okay to hurt them, but only so that you can keep yourself safe," L clarified. Mello nodded and looked back to his picture.

"Okay."

L likewise returned to his picture and steadily finished it. Once finished he found that there was something deeply embarrassing about the finished picture, but tried to ignore it. It was for Mello.

"L, do you have to go away again?" Mello pushed the book away and sat up, stretching his body like a kitten. L smiled a little.

"Yes. I will have to visit other countries for work,"

"You're a detective,"

"Yes," Mello nodded.

"I want to be a detective!" L raised an eyebrow at this.

"Why?" Mello turned a huge smile on him and threw himself at L, wrapping his bony arms tightly around L's neck.

"Because you're a detective and you're _awesome_! I wanna be just like you!" he shouted happily into L's ear, oblivious to the pain he was inflicting as his sharp knees dug into L's thigh. L pulled Mello closer and settled him in his lap and into a position that didn't leave him cringing.

"Thank you. But don't be exactly like me. Be whoever you want to be," L distinctly remembered another boy who also idolized him but had turned out for the worst- a boy who was out in the world somewhere, though what he was currently doing L didn't know and didn't care to know.

"Okay, L," Mello agreed easily, and snuggled into L's chest. His hot breath warmed L's neck and L held the small body a little tighter.

"So you are happy here, Mello?"

"Yeah. I even have a friend! His name is Matt, and he's weird. But he likes me and I like him, and he lets me play video games with him!" L smiled again. He still remembered the night Whammy brought Mello into his hotel room; he had been so small, malnourished and quiet. It was a big change, the enthusiasm and cheerfulness that Mello expressed nowadays and L honestly had to say that he preferred this Mello better, if only because of the knowledge that Mello was now happy.

"Tell me about Matt," he said, and Mello excitedly recounted their various misdeeds and adventures about the orphanage, cuddling close to L all the while.

Comfortable and full of a warm, heavy feeling that L realized was affection, he supposed it was worth it after all, to sit and colour with Mello. To love and be loved unconditionally.


	27. Give

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M FOR A REASON. **

That said: crappy and mildly explicit sex is ahead. I'm don't write many sex scenes and I'm not really someone who writes smut. I wanted something with a little bit of depth and well, I was experimenting, I suppose. I could explain why the sex was necessary for me to convey my meaning, but I don't think many people would appreciate a long and rambling explanation about the importance of sexual intimacy.

So go ahead and read (at your own risk, I might add) and then review, _please_. As I mentioned, this isn't my forte and if I could improve I would like to know how- god forbid I write horribly cliched and cheesy sex scenes. Not up for that.

* * *

**Give**

L draws away, panting for air and Light does the same, vaguely disturbed by the trickle of saliva running down his chin but more concerned with the space between their bodies and how he'd like it to be nonexistent.

"I want to fuck you," L says, his voice a husky murmur that sends a jolt of heat straight to Light's groin. He groans and thrusts his hips up in a desperate attempt to create some friction between them.

"Mmm," is his response, and L moves in close, pressing their lips together.

"I want to be inside of you," he mumbles against Light's lips, and though Light pretty much agrees, he's really quite nervous. He is after all, a virgin, and L is _L_; is something incredibly daunting about having sex with the world's greatest detective and not even Light can deny this. Still, Light can only let himself be swept away by the sensation of L's lips against his sensitive skin and tilts his head back compliantly as L begins to softly kiss his jaw and neck.

"Nnn- L," it seems like a good idea to let L have him, right now, when L is kissing him all over and his entire body is trembling from pleasure. Light tries to imagine it and groans as he pictures L bending him in half and pushing himself inside- imagines how it would feel to have L inside of him and how full he would be.

Yeah. It seems like a pretty good idea.

"Ah- you better use lube," Light manages to incorporate a fair amount of threat into the warning, but L only chuckles against Light's skin as he kisses his shoulder and sits up to dig in the nightstand on his side of the bed. Light lays there panting in those few moments, wondering if it's really such a good idea for the two of them to fuck and whether he's willing to back out at this stage of the game. When L clambers back over to him and spreads Light's legs with oily fingers, Light decides that there's no giving in. Not now.

In no time at all L has got his fingers inside of him and Light doesn't know if he should feel vaguely disgusted or if he's supposed to enjoy it. It's sensitive and pleasurable in the way a massage would be, but Light feels distinctly dirty with L's fingers up his ass and really, it's all very intense and almost overwhelming. He's occasionally imagined himself with another man, wondered if it would be any different than with a girl, but he had never pictured himself taking on the submissive role. And yet there he was, with his knees against his chest and legs spread wide, with the world's greatest detective gazing at him with the most reverent, albeit perverted, look Light is sure he's ever received.

Any somewhat coherent thought is halted when L grinds his fingers against what must be his prostate, and Light actually shrieks in half surprise and half pleasure because it's the most absolutely wonderful sensation and good god he wants _moremoremore-_

Light keens and groans loudly as L manipulates his prostate with an almost maniacal grin- which is downright creepy on a man like L. Light doesn't mind so much though because there's something distinctly naughty about being on the receiving end of things and there's absolutely no way that Light can deny that he fucking likes it- he's in love with it, all of it, how erotic and sensual it all is; how intimate they are and how powerful he feels, allowing L to do this to him and making the decision to give himself over to L. He likes that he's letting L have him and that he's _allowing_ L to fuck him. It's bloody fucking brilliant.

When L finally thinks Light is prepared -or can't wait any longer, Light isn't really sure- he removes his fingers and Light feels strangely empty; he watches L rub lubricant onto himself with hazy eyes and briefly wonders if this is such a good idea after all. Light eyes L and has to admit that L is big, quite big, bigger than Light and he really doesn't know how that's supposed to fit inside of him; then he realizes that fingers could never prepare him for this and it's going to hurt like a bitch. L glances up at him and they lock gazes: L's dark eyes bore into his own with a feverish intensity and Light realizes that to give up now means to lose the game -whatever game they're playing- and he can't give up now, not when they're so close to the end and not when it could be _so good_, if only he'd let himself go.

Almost instinctively, Light spreads his legs a little wider as L lifts them and runs his nose along the soft curve of Light's calf. He inhales deeply and nuzzles Light's leg with his nose. It's a strangely gentle and intimate gesture- despite his determination to win, Light can't help but be reassured by the strangely affectionate act and allows himself to relax as L hooks his legs over his shoulders and presses against him.

The look at each other again, darkdark eyes meeting warm brown. In those infinite seconds Light swears he can see every thought racing across that brilliant mind and he realizes that this is definitely the man he wants to give himself to. He feels his lips quirk up in the smallest of grins and nods his head in acceptance of the unspoken challenge. L smirks back and then pushes forwards and into Light.

It burns, quite badly actually and with a low moan Light commands himself to relax. L doesn't stop, only continues to slowly sink in further, panting heavily against Light's neck all the while. Light bites his lip and swallows his pain, determined to make it through and enjoy himself. When L is fully inside of him, his hips flush against Light's own, he stops and breathes heavily, peering at Light through the dark hair hanging in front of his eyes. Light pants too, from the pain and because L is huge and inside of him and filling him up and he doesn't even know what to do with himself.

He stills himself and slowly wills his muscles to relax. L traces a lazy hand across his abdomen, lightly tickling his skin and massaging Light's thighs with his other hand. The actions are soft and comforting, and Light feels himself relaxing, adjusting to the size of L inside of him. Soon enough he's as ready as he can be and looks at L, shifting his hips tentatively.

"Are you okay?" L asks lowly. His voice is strained and Light is immensely pleased to hear the other man so undone and out of control. He suddenly wants to see L lose himself completely and rolls his hips again.

"Mmm, yeah. Come on, _move_," he murmurs, and earns a low chuckle from L, who rocks his hips gently against Light's. He slides out a little, and back in, gently rocking in and out of Light, who sighs and begins to push his own hips back to meet L's. With every movement L pulls out a little further and pushes back in a little harder; Light realizes that he rather likes the sensation and moves his own hips as much as he can in his position. A leg slips off of L's shoulder as they pick up the pace and L grabs it, presses it down towards the mattress and leans further over Light, who moans loudly as L begins thrusting into him in earnest. L shifts the angle of his thrusts and Light chokes out an obscenity as pleasure races up his spine and spreads throughout his entire body, to the tips of his fingers and toes.

"_Do that again!"_ he commands, harshly panting as he wriggles his hips and tries to match L's rhythm. L memorizes the angle like Light knew he would and hits it with almost every thrust- the pleasure is unending and Light can barely breath, gasping and moaning as he is with every feeling and he shivers as L moans lowly too; the thrusts become shorter and harder and L pushes Light so hard against the mattress that he can barely move to meet L's hips. Their panting and moans reverberate in the room, a cacophony of the most intimate experience and Light can't even think straight any longer, can only focus on the feeling of L inside of his and the realization that he is going to come without even touching himself.

L captures his lips in an intense, but short kiss, and Light looks up into eyes completely overcome with desire and need. He looks at L, who is fucking him senseless, with hair more disheveled than ever and pink blotches staining his cheeks. His mouth hangs open as he pants desperately for air and Light feels the heat coil in the pit of his stomach, too tight and white hot-

"Light," he murmurs, low and hot and laced with so much meaning and without any suffixes and it's the tone, the voice, _everything_ and Light reaches his climax explosively, his back arching and muscles drawn taught as he gazes unseeing at L, unable to produce even the smallest sound from his throat.

His orgasm sends L over the edge as well, and he vaguely feels L come inside of him as his body relaxes and he sinks into the mattress. He can't feel his arms or legs, can't feel anything but the desperate beat of his heart and L's as well when he collapses on top of Light, his rapidly softening dick still inside him. Light doesn't really care, and they lay there like that for a long time, desperately trying to catch their breath and slow their heartbeats.

Light brings up a heavy hand and rests it on L's back, idly tracing small designs on the soft skin. He feels sleep settle over him like a warm, heavy blanket and is only vaguely aware of L pulling himself out of him and rolling off of Light, only to draw the duvet over them and then pull Light to his chest.

"Fuckin' amazing," Light mumbles sleepily, snuggling into the blanket and L, who mumbles something that sounds like it's in English. Light's too tired to give a damn and breathes deeply, incredibly pleased with the events of the night despite the fact that his legs are still trembling and there is a deep-seated ache that is settling into his body- especially his backside. But none of it matters, not when he's taken L –the motherfucking greatest detective in the world- for himself and given himself over said man in return, wholly and completely.


	28. Needle

Well, I suppose I should apologize for the long wait. In my defense, this was quite long and I was determined to make it perfect. Or as close to perfect as it could be.

That out of the way, _twinklestar148_ asked for an AU in which Light and Mello met one another. I was initially going to write this form L's POV and have him reflect upon the chaos the two would wreak, but decided it really wasn't working. And somehow it was really quite easy to slip into Mello's character and write him- this could be because it's easier to relate to an emotional teenage boy, being a twenty-year old woman, but whatever. It was pretty fun.

There's a second part in the making, though it won't be along for a while yet.

And so, _twinklestar148_, this is for being so wonderful and kind and helpful and all the lovely tips and advice you've given me! (There were far too many 'ands' in there, but hey, whatever).

_ALSO: I do not own Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman, although I do recommend it! __It is absolutely fabulous and totally hilarious!_**  
**

* * *

**Needle**

I was the first one to know that L was coming home.

I knew even before Roger did. L called me first and told me that he finished the case and he was coming home in a couple of weeks. I won't say that I took the news gracefully because, well, I didn't. I was really happy, you see, because I didn't know if L was going to make it and even _he_ didn't know if he was going to make it and it was just really good to hear he was coming home. Really good.

I don't think that after my enthusiastic reaction L really needed to break the news to Roger, but he did anyway. The old man actually _smiled_ and I decided that I never really needed to see that again. Ever.

Of course, there was a downside to L's triumphant return: he was going to properly introduce himself to the rest of the Whammy's children. Something about owing them and how they shouldn't be striving to be someone they've never met. This, of course, meant that Near would finally meet L and I would lose the only thing I was ever able to hold over his head; secretly, because L didn't want the whole orphanage knowing who he was.

I was upset, but eventually realized that once Near meets L as L, I'll have the advantage in knowing L for a good ten years longer than him. So really it all evened out and I got to see L again!

Needless to say, in my enthusiasm I forgot about a certain Light Yagami who was coming back with L for whatever reason.

Actually, I didn't remember him until after I had thrown myself at L and forced as many hugs as I could out of him before he got too uncomfortable. It wasn't until L had started twitching a little and patting my head awkwardly in a desperate attempt to gain some space when I noticed that there was some random standing beside him.

Let me tell you- I read the case notes L had sent me after he officially ended it. I don't doubt that there are a ton of notes that he's either burned or hidden away somewhere, but I know who Light Yagami is and how he was suspected of being Kira. I also know that if he were a Wammy's kid he'd have been number one and that his IQ is actually rather close to L's, which is alarming because the guy's only eighteen.

I also know that Yagami's a pretty boy- his picture doesn't do him justice though and up close and personal he's …well, he's pretty. Really pretty. Tall for an Asian and slim with perfect hair and a pretty face. He's just …pretty.

It's maddening. Not to mention that he stands far too close to L.

"Mello, this is Light Yagami. I told you he would be coming back with me," L says in his deep voice, by way of introduction. I glance at him before looking back to Yagami and giving him another once over. Pretty, but definitely a ponce. He looks tired but still smiles politely at me and ducks his head a little, despite the fact that we're in England and we shake hands here.

"It is nice to meet you," he says smoothly and even his voice is perfect. It's not as deep as L's but alluring nonetheless, though his English isn't totally perfect: his pronunciation is fine but his words are skewed by his accent and he speaks like an American. It's nice to see that he's not totally perfect and I can't help stop myself from smirking at him.

"Isn't he Kira?" I ask and I have to admit that I'm pretty pleased as his eyes narrow just a little and his whole body tenses.

"Light-kun was cleared of all charges. Kira was apprehended- you know this. I sent you the notes," L says, though he looks amused when I look at him, so I smile.

"Oh yeah, forgot about that. He doesn't look much like a killer anyways," I say, running my eyes over him again and I'm glad that Yagami hasn't relaxed. He shouldn't even be here, really. Actually, I don't really know why L brought him back. I glance at L again, but his face betrays no emotion and it's impossible to see what he's thinking.

It's always possible that Yagami's been made L's successor but …L would have told me. I mean Yagami's smart and all, but he hasn't been raised for the job like we have.

"I believe you two should turn in for the night. God knows it's been a long time since either of you have had a break and you will be suffering from jet lag. There will be plenty of time for visiting tomorrow," it's Wammy, who was busy greeting Roger and I smile at him before moving to give him the obligatory hug. He's like Father Christmas, with his white bushy mustache and affinity for bringing home gifts.

"You should rest too, Watari. The past few months have been hard on all of us- surely you need a vacation after all that L has put you through," Yagami replies, smiling at Wammy, who seems quite taken by him.

For reasons I can't quite explain, Light Yagami irritates me to no end. And I've only known him for five minutes.

"I have hardly troubled Watari at all. Besides, he has been with me for so long, it shouldn't be any bother," I've never seen L look quite so fond of another person as he grins a little at Yagami. It's a little disconcerting and there's a weird closeness between him and Yagami that is ...unusual for L. He isn't very close with many people and I have to wonder what it is about Yagami that L likes so much.

"You should all turn in for the night. You too Mello: help Watari bring his bags to his room, then go to sleep. You have class tomorrow," Roger adds. I glare at him before sighing heavily and moving to pick up one of Wammy's bags.

"After classes tomorrow I will catch up with you, Mello," L says, placing a hand on my head. He ruffles my hair a little and although I hit Matt every time he tries to do the same, I let L do it. It's something he's done ever since we met and it's comforting.

"When are you going to talk to the other kids?" I ask and L shrugs. He doesn't look very happy about the prospect of it. I'm pretty sure Wammy forced him into it.

"Within the next few days. I would like to make sure Light-kun and myself are settled in before I allow myself to be bombarded by the children," I nod and give him one last hug before he can escape. L sighs but briefly returns the embrace.

"I'm really glad you're home," I whisper quickly, so that the conversation between the other three might drown out my voice. L smiles at me, though it's a little awkward.

"I am very glad to be home, Mello," his words make me feel warm and fuzzy, and the jealousy on Yagami's face only makes me smile more as I turn to help Wammy with his suitcases.

"Night, L! See you tomorrow!" I call as he and Light begin to pick up their bags. Roger assists Wammy and I and I'm briefly surprised that L isn't demanding to have someone carry his bags upstairs for him. Wammy seems to pick up on my shock because he smiles at me as we make our way down the halls.

"Light has been a very good influence on him," he admits, like it's a secret. I feel myself frown and crane my neck to look at the retreating figures of L and Yagami.

Light is a really stupid name.

* * *

"Where were you last night, Mels?" Matt asks me the next morning. He's sitting on his bed playing his PSP, dressed and ready to go. I let the towel drop from my head and take a brush to my hair, wincing whenever it catches on a knot.

"L came home last night and I convinced Roger to let me say hi," Matt is the only person I've told about L because he's my best friend and he's been here almost as long as me. I've never actually pointed L out to him, but I figured regaling him with stories of L's epic cases was safe enough. If Matt's figured out who L is he's never mentioned it.

"How long is he staying for?" Matt asks lazily and I set down the brush and begin to search for some socks.

"Dunno, I didn't ask. Roger made me bring Wammy's things to his room and it was hard to talk with Yagami there anyways," Matt raises his eyebrows and looks at me from underneath his bangs.

"Yagami? Light Yagami? The number one Kira suspect?" he asks interestedly and I nod.

"That's the one. L cleared him of all charges. Some idiot called _Higuchi_ was responsible apparently. Though it all seems a little dodgy," Matt actually pauses his game and looks at me thoughtfully.

"I wonder if he's covering something up? I didn't read the case notes,"

"He sent you them?" I ask and Matt nods, getting up from his bed and stretching.

"Yeah. Didn't really need to read them though, I knew you'd give me the lowdown," he grins, and I roll my eyes at him as I slip on some shoes and reach for my books.

"Whatever. If he is hiding something I don't really want to know. He's allowed to have his secrets," I reply and Matt laughs at me as we leave the room. I don't even bother to comment on the books still sitting on his desk.

"You know, not that long ago you would have been desperate to know and would have bitched about it for about a million years," Matt comments and I shove him into the wall.

"Shut it," I growl, but Matt just laughs at me. Ever since he got taller than me he's refused to see me as anything other than a minor threat to his wellbeing. Not that I used to beat him up or anything, but when we were younger I was definitely seen as the more threatening and aggressive member of our duo. Nowadays the only people I can frighten into obeying me are the really little kids, and even then Matt's blatant refusal to take me seriously has ruined that.

"Mels, let's eat in the kitchen. I bet Edna will give us some of the teacher's coffee,"

"Coffee would be nice," I agree, picturing a nice big cup off coffee with lots of cream and a piece of dark chocolate in it. Coffee would be great.

"I thought you might agree. So tell about Yagami, you met him, right?" he asks. The halls are pretty much empty, with the younger students in class and the rest of us attempting to face the day.

"Ah, he's annoying. And really pretty. But super annoying," Matt snorts at this as we turn down the hall to the kitchen rather than the dining room. Not long after he got here Matt made friends with the cook and managed to secure a special place in her heart. Of course, by association I've been included in this privilege. We usually eat in the kitchen where there's a nice nook with a table and Edna always gives us the good stuff while we're there.

"Mello, did you even talk to him?" Matt asks, and I have to admit that he knows me a little too well.

"Of course I did! Sort of. Well, indirectly, maybe. He was annoying anyways!" I defend and Matt laughs.

"You're an idiot Mels. You only think he's annoying because he's somehow managed to befriend L and that's your job," Matt is way too smart for his own good. I glare at him.

"He's a prissy pretty boy, Matt! You should see him! Just wait until you meet him, then you'll understand," I don't actually know if Yagami's prissy but he seems like the type anyways. He's definitely a suck-up, if his conversation with Wammy is anything to go by.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Mels. Eddy!" Matt calls as he pushes open the doors to the kitchen. "Mello and I are starving and desperate for your lovely cooking! A spot of coffee wouldn't hurt either," I hear Edna laugh and admonish Matt for his lack of manners as he struts into the kitchen. I follow him but bump into his back as he stops suddenly.

"Oi, Mattie, keep it moving!" I say, looking over his shoulder.

Of course L and Yagami would be here.

"Ah, _Lawrence_, nice to see you again," Matt greets as he drifts over to the counter and leans up against it.

"Matt, you've grown," L notes and Matt grins before glancing at me.

"Unlike some, yeah," he replies easily, smiling broadly at Edna as she presents him with a tray of breakfast pastries. "Thanks darling. I'd starve if it weren't for you," Edna shakes her head and nudges him from the counter and over to the table.

"Sit down and eat, silly. You don't have much time before classes start," she warns and Matt winks at her, sighing happily as she places a pot of coffee on the table.

"Uh, Matt," I say slowly as Matt takes his pastries over to the table and sits himself down, smiling easily at Yagami.

"The name's Matt," he says and Yagami nods slowly before glancing over at L.

"Light," he replies, his lips twitching up in a smile. L raises his eyebrows at him.

"What is the problem, Light-kun?"

"Ah, nothing …Lawrence," his lips twitch again and suddenly L is grinning. I'm totally astonished. L never smiles.

"Come now, don't you think it suits me?" he asks, and then Yagami is grinning too and _fuck_, he's got a great smile. And perfect white teeth, of course.

"Oh, yes. Definitely," he's smirking and then Matt clears his throat.

"So I guess you know that I know that you're L?" he asks, and I frown, shuffling to the table as Edna beckons me over and places a plate of chocolate ship pancakes at the seat beside Matt. Despite the unfortunate turn the morning has taken I still feel my mouth water at the sight of the pancakes.

"Yes, once Mello met you I figured it wouldn't be long before he told you about me," I absolutely refuse to feel guilty as I sit down at the table and load up on the syrup.

"It's not like I told him Lawrence was L," I defend, but Matt laughs and takes a bite of a rather delicious looking chocolate croissant.

"Mels, it really wasn't that hard to figure out," he says and I ignore him, taking a large bite of my pancakes instead.

"I had rather expected it, Mello. To be honest I'm impressed by your ability to keep the secret to the extent that you did," I frown and glance up at L, but he's sharing this _look_ with Yagami. I can't tell if he just insulted me or tried to compliment me, but I let it drop instead. I don't want to get into anything too serious around Yagami. I don't trust him, and I don't like him.

"So Light, what's it like working with the Great Detective L?" Matt asks, almost uninterestedly and I wish Matt wouldn't talk to him, because then I could get through breakfast without hearing him speak and just get out of here.

Yagami snorts, though it's more of a dignified puff of air through his nose and idly takes a sip of his coffee. I tug the coffee pot over to me and start to pour myself a cup.

"Not all that it is made out to be," he answers cryptically, and I shoot a disbelieving look at him. He can't really being saying that, can he? I'd give anything to work with L-

"I mean, he is messy and loud and never lets you sleep if you have the misfortune of being chained to him," Yagami continues, smirking at L, who only raises his eyebrows in response. "He also eats in bed, which is really inconvenient when you are chained to him because then you wake up covered in cake crumbs, which is disgusting,"

I look at L in horror. He and Yagami _shared_ a bed?

L grins a little at me.

"It is not nearly as bad as Light-kun makes it out to be. It was one time-"

"It was one time and it was disgusting. I had frosting in my hair," Matt laughs loudly at this and L smirks, regarding Yagami with an unreadable look. Yagami blushes and takes another sip of his coffee. I frown at them and take a large gulp of my own coffee. I can't believe L actually shared a bed with him- L loves his privacy!

"Seems like it was a pretty terrible experience," Matt comments casually as he devours another pastry and I elbow him in the ribs. Working with L would never be a terrible experience!

"It wasn't all terrible," Yagami admits, with a strange look on his face. He shoots this soft, little smile that warms up his whole face at L, who seems to reciprocate the action. Matt raises an eyebrow and winks at me. I just stare at him.

Honestly, I have no idea what the hell goes on in that strange mind of his.

"Hurry up Mels, you're the one who threw a huge bitch-fit the last time we were late for class. We'll be late if you don't finish soon," Matt points out helpfully and I scowl at him before craning my neck around to look at the clock. He's right though so I promptly begin shoveling the rest of the pancakes into my mouth. Yagami looks a little disgusted and this makes me feel a bit better. I hum contentedly as I finish my pancakes.

"Thanks for the food Edna! You always take such good care of us!" Matt chirps as he jumps up from his seat and slings an arm around Edna's shoulders in a friendly embrace. I follow suit a little more slowly and wipe my mouth on a napkin one last time.

"Nice meeting you, Light. And you L, properly," he adds. L nods and Yagami smiles.

"It was nice to meet you too, Matt," he replies, so demure and polite that I just want to slap that stupid smile off of his face.

"Thanks Eddy," I mutter as I give her a quick peck on the cheek and wave at L.

"Mello, I will see you after I have spoken with Near this afternoon. I would like to catch up with you," he says, and suddenly everything seems totally normally and I'm totally capable of ignoring the Yagami bastard sitting across the table from L and looking like a damn angel in the bright sunlight.

"Okay! See you L! Bye Eddy!" Matt blows a kiss at Edna and wiggles his fingers at her as we leave. Her laughter follows us out into the hallway and I'm smiling as I push Matt into the wall and start to jog to class.

* * *

I spend hours with L, recapping my adventures with Matt and informing him of all the little on goings of Wammy's and the rumors about former students. L listens intently and lets me sit next to him, snuggled up comfortably to his side. He runs a hand through my hair like he used to when I was little and I'm pretty sure that nothing could ever be more perfect.

It's ruined, of course, after a short knock on the door, which opens without L's answer. It's Yagami, of course, because nobody else would have that kind of impertinence, though I'm surprised to see Matt coming in behind him. Yagami frowns a little at the two of us, but then smoothes his face out into a polite smile.

"Did you have a nice evening?" he asks, mostly L, but Matt moves into the room behind him and begins talking.

"Mels! You should see this guy play video games! He was actually good! Do you know how long it's been since anybody's been able to challenge me?" Matt asks before L can even respond. His cheeks are a little pink and his eyes are glazed over with the manic look he gets when it comes to gaming. I raise an eyebrow. Yagami ducks his head modestly and I want to smack him.

"I've never seen anybody as good as you though," Yagami says and I feel my lips turn up into a weird sort of grimacing smirk. He's so bloody fucking arrogant, the way he struts around and acts like he's so modest when I know he's getting off on the attention!

"He's good with computers too Mels! He's not me, but he's pretty good at hacking! Imagine how much shit we could do together!" he says wildly, turning to look at Yagami with bright eyes. Yagami grins at him, this real devilishly, cheeky grin and Matt turns this feral, shiteating grin on him like they're going to hack into the FBI database and cause absolute chaos.

I wouldn't put it past Matt. L doesn't seem to trust Yagami either.

"I hope the two of you won't go about meddling in the political affairs of other countries. I do know about your ventures into the NPA database, Light-kun," Matt's grin dissipates and looks at Yagami almost dreamily.

"You hacked into the NPA database?" he asks, and Yagami shrugs his shoulders absently.

"Yeah, when I was younger. I used to look at current cases and help my father solve the difficult ones, especially in high school. He was a chief in the NPA," he adds on, as though he's forgotten we've read the files on him and know his background information.

"You'll have to show me how good you are! I mean, no offense, but I've been a techie genius since just about ever and I've had more training and practice than you I bet. But it'd be nice to talk to someone who actually knows what I'm talking about!" he exclaims excitedly and as Yagami smiles happily at him something dark and painful twists in my gut. For a moment I feel like I can't breathe and all I can see is Matt laughing excitedly and Yagami smiling at him like he's known Matt for years and I suddenly wonder if Yagami would have been Matt's best friend, had he been raised here.

I push away from L and stand up from the couch. I feel vaguely ill and just want to sleep.

"I'm going to go to bed now, L. I'm tired and have some reading to do. I'll see you tomorrow," I say, forcing a yawn for extra effect and a quick smile. L frowns a little and looks at me questioningly, but I ignore him and brush past Matt. I pause when I'm halfway out the door.

"You coming Mattie?" I ask, trying my best to force any of my confusion and worry out of my voice. It must work because Matt's got a clumsy hand on my shoulder and is propelling me out the door.

"Yep. See you tomorrow, L, Light! I'm testing your skills tomorrow bro!" he warns, before Yagami laughs at him and Matt pulls the door shut behind him as L mutters a low goodbye. He grins at me and starts walking away from L's rooms and to our own wing.

"How was your afternoon with Lawrence?" he asks as we pass a couple of straggling kids on the landing and make our way up to the third floor. I shrug.

"Good. I take it you had fun with Yagami?" I ask dryly, and Matt grins again.

"Yeah. I dunno what you were thinking Mels, but he's all right. Not bad at all, actually, he's a little cold but once he gets used to you he's pretty funny. And he's damn good at video games, which I honestly didn't expect, not from someone like him," I inwardly agree but just grunt instead. Matt's silent for about all of two seconds before he starts talking again, and I just with he'd _stop_, because I don't want to hear anymore about Light fucking Yagami-

"So what do you think about him and L?" he asks, and I glance at him, confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask, and Matt turns his head around to look at me

"Well, I dunno. What do you think? They're together, yeah? It's pretty obvious-" Matt stops speaking as I come to an abrupt halt and looks at me curiously. I can feel my hands beginning to shake.

"What do you mean?" I ask again, slower this time and Matt raises an eyebrow.

"Mello, you noticed, didn't you? I mean, they're not very subtle, the two of them. Their body language kinda says everything- they're pretty intimate. And L never stops looking at him," Matt murmurs the last bit, just in case, but I can't really focus on anything but what Matt's suggesting.

"Are you …you're saying that they're together? Like, dating?" I ask, and my voice twists at the end. Matt tilts his head a little.

"Er, yeah. I thought …I mean, it's really obvious, how L looks at Light and how close Light stays to L. They've just got that whole honeymoon vibe going on,"

I feel like I want to vomit.

"I …you can't be serious. L doesn't date," I whisper, and Matt grabs my arm, forcibly steering me to our room.

"I don't know if he dates, Mello, given his job, but he's sure as hell in some kind of relationship with Light,"

"Matt, that isn't possible. L's never told me about dating _anyone_ and he wouldn't date Yagami- he can't! Yagami was his prime suspect in the case! He can't date a boy who was his prime suspect!" Matt gives me this look that I don't really like and he fishes his key out of his pocket as we approach our room.

"Mels, it is possible. Very possible. L's got to be in his late twenties now and he can't spend his whole life alone. It's gotta be lonely, with just him and Wammy. They had a long time to get to know another during the case, and quite intimately, if L actually chained Light to him,"

"He did," I mutter, remembering the notes and Matt's eyes bulge for a moment before he snickers softly and unlocks the door.

"Well, I'm sure they must have put the chain to good use then," he mutters amusedly and I spin around to face him as he shuts the door and locks it behind us.

"They can't- they're not- they can't be doing _that_!" I hiss, and Matt raises his hands up in a defensive gesture.

"Whoa Mels, don't kill the messenger. Or interpreter, whatever. It's just- well, they are. They share a room and they're both adults. And men. You know how it is," I don't actually, not really as I've never really had the urge to explore sexual pleasure beyond the occasional wank.

"Matt- no. L cannot be sleeping with Yagami. It's disturbing on so many levels and it's _not right_," I bite out and turn away from him, exchanging my current shirt for the loose black sweatshirt I sleep in. My pants are replaced with sweatpants and I clamber onto my bed, leaving my clothes where they are. Matt flops onto his bed and sighs.

"I should have known you wouldn't take this well," he sighs and I sit upright in anger.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I seethe and Matt regards me for a moment before bending over and unlacing those stupid combat boots he wears everywhere.

"You're used to being the closest person to L and now you're upset because Yagami's managed to land a place right up there next to you. You feel threatened because you've always had L to yourself and now Yagami has him in ways you can't ever compete with,"

"Jesus Christ Matt, I'm not in love with him! I just hate Yagami! And it's wrong, sleeping with your suspect! And Yagami is only three years older than me- that makes him seven years younger than L! That's just _wrong_ Matt! You're wrong! You have to be!" I'm aware that my voice is beginning to sound a little desperate and I'm worked up over something I shouldn't be, but it hurts for some stupid reason and all of a sudden I hate L, for bringing Yagami here and ruining everything. After I thought it could be normal again.

"Mello," Matt's voice is calm but stern. It makes me shut up and look at him. He's pulled his goggles off and his eyes are vivid in their intensity. "You might not be in love with him, but don't try and downplay your feelings for L. You hate Light because of how close he is, and you recognized how close he was to L the moment you met him, even if you didn't understand the full extent," Matt might have a point, but all I can think about is Yagami complaining about frosting in his hair and the way L and Matt laughed, the way Yagami blushed; it was an accidental innuendo and I hadn't caught on but it was _there_ and it said _everything_.

L and Yagami are fucking.

I groan and roll onto my side, pulling the covers up and over me.

"Don't talk to me anymore. Seriously," I mutter, and I hear Matt sigh as he shuffles around his side of the room.

"I'm sorry Mels. I don't think L meant for you to find out this way,"

"Then you shouldn't have said anything," I whisper, and close my eyes tight as my throat starts to burn. I will not cry in front of Matt, even if he's seen me cry hundreds of times. This is nothing worth crying over. _Nothing_.

Matt doesn't say anything for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning I leave before Matt does and eat breakfast in the dining hall for once. Some of the kids give me strange looks and even Near manages to look vaguely surprised but I ignore them and pick forlornly at my blueberry muffin. I'm not very hungry though; all I can do is think about what Matt said and review everything I've seen between L and Yagami and anything that might have hinted towards their apparent sexual relationship. They do stay close together and L does smile a lot around Yagami, but I had never imagined it would have been because of _that_.

Matt doesn't show up, and I wonder if it's because he's mad at me or because he's scared of me.

"I met L yesterday," it's Near and his voice is softer than ever as her slips into the seat next to me, raising one leg onto the cushion so he can hug it to his chest. I shrug and look at my muffin.

"Good for you," I say dully, and he's silent for a moment.

"How long have you known?" he asks, and he sounds a little resentful. This warms my heart just a little.

"Since he and Wammy brought me here," I glance at Near, who's frowning a little and twirling a piece of hair around his finger agitatedly.

"And you never said anything," it's not really a question, but I nod.

"He asked me not to. He changed his opinions after the Kira case though. Something about mortality and how you deserve to meet him,"

"And Matt?" Near demands. My chest tightens a little and I really wish Matt had come to find me. I hate it when he avoids me, which isn't very often.

"He met him yesterday too. Though he figured it out a while back," This is the most civil I've ever been to Near and he narrows his eyes at me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone," I sigh and attempt to eat another bit of the muffin. It's hard to swallow though and hurts my throat.

"What about Yagami? Do you know what he's doing here?" I glance at Near again, who looks a little aggravated.

"He's L's partner …I think. L wants him to work with him," Near outright frowns at this and I can't help but stare.

"I don't like him," Near states bluntly. I raise my eyebrows. I never thought I'd see the day when we agreed on something.

"Neither do I," I reply. Near nods slowly.

"You're jealous of him," I glare in response and shake my head.

"No. Maybe, I don't know. I don't like him though, and I don't trust him. I have no idea why L wants his main suspect in the biggest murder case in history to work with him," I reply bitterly. Actually, I could imagine why L would want him to stick around, but I don't feel up to thinking about it.

Near goes silent and I realize that I've been talking to him for way too long. I need to go find Matt and talk to someone worth talking to. I push my chair away from the table and stand up.

"That's it, then. You're just going to accept it and carry on as usual," I shrug and look down at Near's hunched form. He looks small and harmless like that, but the intensity of his eyes tells a different story.

"Yeah. It's L's business what he does, not ours," I say lowly, and walk away.

I feel a little sick, though I don't really know why.

* * *

Over the next few days I try to avoid and L and Yagami as much as possible. The sight of Yagami makes my blood boil and his voice makes my hair stand on end. It's like having a fucking needle buried under my skin, irritating me to no end and digging into my flesh. I would love nothing more then to punch his bloody face in, but as Matt has patiently told me a dozens of times, _I can't do that_.

L noticed my avoidance, of course.

"_Mello, have I done something to upset you?"_

"_You? No, of course not. I've just been busy, studying and all that,"_

"_Is it about Light-kun? You don't seem to like him very much,"_

"_I don't really care about him one way or another. You two won't be here very long anyways, right? You rarely stay longer than a month,"_

"_If he has offended you in any way you may tell me, you know,"_

"… _he hasn't. I've just been busy, L,"_

It was obvious that he didn't believe me, but he let the matter drop. I haven't seen much of him, because Yagami's usually with him, sitting far too close for comfort or smiling at him in a way that makes me grind my teeth in rage. Matt was right about them, too right, as I accidently walked in on them snogging the other day.

The worst part was that they didn't even notice. Though it was slightly heartening to see Yagami moaning and whimpering like a bitch in heat. I don't think I could have stood it if it was any other way.

Matt doesn't seem to care about the disgusting things L and Yagami get up to, he's just glad he's found another person who can understand all his computer talk and work with him on his various projects. Believe me when I say there's nothing more upsetting than seeing your best friend chatting merrily away to your self-proclaimed worst enemy with various bits of technology scattered between them.

And to top it all off, Near has been on my back lately, asking me questions about L and Yagami and what I plan to do about the situation. As if I'm planning to do anything: I might hate Yagami but I do care about L and I'm not about to do anything that would make him unhappy.

However, with L and Matt all tied up in the brilliance that is Light Yagami, I've naturally been left to my own devices. I've spent a lot of my time in the library, mostly reading and attempting to keep my mind off of the issue at hand. Matt has a deep hatred for the library and books in general- he can't see beyond the dusty, leather spines and the musty scent of yellowing pages. He prefers his hard bits of technology: I don't mind though- I'd choose a good book over a computer everyday.

As it is, I'm in the library, curled up on a window seat as I delve into _The Third Policeman_. It's something I think Matt would absolutely love if he'd just give it a go, but he won't be convinced and I've been left to marvel over the hilarity of the book on my own.

It's usually quiet in here, as most of the kids prefer to relax or play games in our off time. Whenever I hear footsteps then, it's habit to look up and see who's about. I can't see much from my spot, because I'm cornered off by a bookshelf so I ignore whomever it might be and continue reading. However, the footsteps draw nearer and I wonder who it is. It can't be L or Near because neither of them wear shoes and it isn't Matt because his boots are a lot heavier. I look up from my book hoping against hope that it isn't Linda because she's bloody annoying when I find myself looking at Light Yagami.

"Mello," he says coolly. "I'd like to talk with you,"

I'm so surprised by this random visit that I nod dumbly and he sits himself down on the far end of the window seat, crossing his legs smoothly and settling back against the wall. He's not smiling and his face is totally expressionless. His eyes are guarded and I'm surprised to see that I can't make anything out from his body language. He seems very calm and composed, but his face is so blank that it's almost creepy.

"I'd like to know what I have done to make you hate me," he's very blunt about it, with no other emotion colouring his voice. It doesn't matter though, because his accusation, no matter how true it is, bugs me and I glare at him.

"I don't like you. I know it must be a difficult concept for you to process, but I assure you that it's totally normal to meet people who won't like you," he narrows his eyes a little and I'm pleased to see that I've already irritated him.

"If I had done something to offend you I could understand that, but as far as I know I haven't done a thing. Perhaps you wouldn't mind enlightening me," his English has gotten better.

"There's nothing to tell. I don't like you and I don't trust you. End of story," I drawl, purposely using a bored tone that annoys the shit out of Roger. Yagami frowns a little and I realize that he doesn't like it either.

"That doesn't warrant the level of animosity you've shown to me. You don't like me for a reason and I want to know why," he says lowly, and I let my lips quirk up in an aggravating grin.

"Well, I don't really need to tell you, do I? As for why I don't trust you, that should be obvious," Yagami laughs derisively and eyes me critically.

"I've been cleared of all charges by L. That should be enough for you," he says, but I snort.

"Well, actually, knowing the kind of people L works with, it doesn't actually reassure me,"

"Are you saying that I'm some sort of criminal," Yagami asks lightly, but his eyes are hard. I smirk.

"I'm implying nothing. Only that the whole affair is a little dodgy,"

"We caught Higuchi and we found all the evidence we needed to sentence him. I was not, nor have I ever been, Kira," Yagami growls and I can't stop my grin from growing wider. Touchy subject.

"Whatever you say Light-o," his glare intensifies and I can't help myself. It feels so good to get a rise out of him after days and days of repressing my intense dislike for him. "Though I'm of the opinion that L kept you around because you make for a decent shag," I wasn't sure if he had learnt any slang, but from the two spots of colour in his cheeks, I'd say that he has.

"Don't worry," I continue. "I won't tell anyone, if you're after secrecy. I can understand, really. I mean, if I were you I wouldn't want people to know how I was moaning for L like some sort of whore," his cheeks are truly red now and I feel some sort of vindictive pleasure run through me.

"Shut up," he snaps, and I have to laugh because he knows it's the truth and he can't even deny it.

"It's okay, L's pretty commanding and all that. And it's not like it's a shock or anything- just about anyone would expect you to be the woman in that kind of relationship. I'm not trying to be rude, but have you looked at yourself? You're a little, well, _girly_," his eyes are burning with hatred and he fairly snarls at me, crossing his arms defensively and sneering. He's actually quite sexy when he's angry and even if I hate him, he's good enough to look at.

"What would you even know, brat? You've barely hit puberty as it is," he hisses and as much as the insult bothers me, I let it slide. He's pissed off and _I'm _the one who pissed him off. _I'm_ the one who's proven he's not so damn good and innocent as he makes himself out to be.

"Oi, no need to get so testy Light. I'm just saying, there's no shame in being L's bitch. He is the most powerful man in the world, after all. If you're going to spread your legs for anyone it might as well be him," Yagami snorts, rather inelegantly at this and leans forward, his eyes molten in their fury.

"That's a little hypocritical of you, isn't it? I'm not blind, Mello: you're _jealous_ because I've got him and you don't. Don't give me that look," he laughs at me and I feel fury rise up in me. "I know people, and just because I don't like them doesn't mean I don't understand them. You don't like me because you think I've taken L away from you and that he won't like you anymore. You're afraid that you don't matter to him," his tone softens a bit near the end, and some of the fire seems to fade from his eyes.

It takes me a second, but then I realize that it's pity that's underneath the ire and that Yagami's right: I am jealous. And I am scared that he's taken L away from me and that L won't want my company anymore. But I sure as hell don't want to sleep with him and it's this rather disturbing thought that allows me to continue indifference and act as though Yagami hasn't bothered me at all.

"Like I said Light-o, not everybody likes you. And not everybody is desperate to be in your position. I might love L, but he's like an older brother to me. Plus he can be a little creepy- I would never have sex with him. And I certainly wouldn't let him fuck me," I make a face at this and Yagami glares at me again.

"I am trying to clear the air, Mello. I am not going to turn L against you or whatever else you might be worried about. He still cares about you," I roll my eyes and sigh desperately.

"Believe me when I say that I don't want to hear this from you, of all people. I don't like you- can't you understand that? It's really quite simple,"

"If you would just listen to me and accept that I am not trying to ruin whatever relationship you have with L things would be a lot better for both of us," he continues, though his cheeks are still flushed and his eyes are glittering with anger. I can't help myself from smirking at him.

"None of that changes the fact that I simply don't like you," I reply and Yagami huffs in exasperation. It's remarkably feminine and unexpectedly cute, in a bizarre way.

"You are impossible," he states and I smile, folding my arms behind my head,

"So I've been told,"

"You won't even listen to what I have to say,"

"I don't really need to. Everything you say is unimportant,"

"We might have to work together in the future. You should at least try to get along with me," I roll my eyes and sigh dramatically.

"We might, yes. You worry too much,"

"You assume too much," Yagami snaps and I can't help but chuckle.

"You're so easy to rile up, did you know that Light? I haven't had this much fun in a long time," I admit and Light makes another noise of exasperation and stands up.

"You are absolutely impossible to deal with," he snarls, and I shrug.

"And you are so very fun to annoy. I think this might be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship," I chirp and Yagami shakes his head and begins to walk away.

"I'll see you later Light-o! I'll swing by for a nice visit over tea and crumpets!" I call and even though he doesn't respond I can tell that he's seething just by the tense set of his shoulders. I smile to myself and pick up my book again, though I'm in such a good mood that I can hardly concentrate on the words.

Barely fifteen minutes later and Matt comes round the corner with a cheerful grin.

"Hey Mels! Whatcha up to?" he asks, sitting himself in the very seat Yagami had been in, but he sprawls out and stretches his legs over mine, kicking off his boots in the process.

"Nothing really. I just had a nice talk with Yagami," I pause deliberately and Matt lifts up his goggles, looking at me interestedly.

"Really? A nice talk? How the hell did that happen?" he asks, and I allow myself a small grin.

"Oh, I dunno. He came up and started talking and well, you know Matt, you were right, he isn't so bad," Matt grins at me happily and leans back against the wall.

"I told you, didn't I? Once you get to know him he's pretty cool-"

"I mean," I interrupt. "He's so easy to rile up and once he gets angry he totally loses control of himself. He's not as nice and pleasant as he pretends to be. He's actually a bit of an asshole," Matt stares at me and I smile sweetly. "He gives as good as he gets, don't worry. He's just so easy to fuck around with,"

"Er…I suppose that's a good thing,"

"It's fun to make him lose his shit and remind him that he's human too. I think he's actually grown on me a little. It's like bothering Near before Near became a fucking robot,"

Matt starts to laugh and I can't help but join in.

Things are going to be so much more entertaining with Yagami around.

**_TBC_**


	29. Lock

**_AN:_** God, where do the excuses even begin? I had some trouble with this one, until I recruited my brother for help and churned out this monster. I might have been a little preoccupied with watching _Game of Thrones_ and then reading the series the show is based on, _A Song of Fire and Ice_. The books are totally addictive. And then I had to debate over taking a year off from school and whether I wanted to look for a new job.

So forgive me. I hope the length of this makes up for the wait.

And then, I feel the need to address the origins of this drabble. I felt like writing a comedy, and because I'm a rather solemn person I recruited my brother for help. As we mulled over the word 'lock' and how it could be turned into something funny, I recalled a mock-epic I had to read for one of my classes: Alexander Pope's _The Rape of the Lock._ Granted, this lacks all of the faeries and sprites and courtly people that Pope's work does, but nonetheless I must thank him for giving me inspiration. In short, _The Rape of the Lock_ is a tale about a woman who loses a lock of hair to a man who is wildly in love with her and desires nothing more than a lock of her hair. The woman is enraged, of course, and absolutely obsesses over whether or not the man is befouling her hair. There was a whole lot of middle English and fighting and something about a cave and demons, but thankfully the basic premise was clear enough, so I borrowed it for my own uses.

That said, this is **crack**. The characters are a little out of character because of the situation I've put them in - I am aware of this. This, much like the mock-epic, is a work that is meant to be a parody of another. This is not _Death Note_ as it should be, but _Death Note_ as I like to imagine it would be.

And so, without further ado, I will demonstrate what uses I put my university education to.**  
**

* * *

**Lock**

It had started out as a completely normal morning. L had woken half an hour before the alarm went off and proceeded to gently massage various parts of Light's body until he woke up enough to beat L back with his pillow and rolled over to try and catch a few more minutes of precious beauty sleep. Then, when L had finally managed to wrestle Light out of the bed (entertaining though it had been) he had proceeded to molest Light in the shower while Light made weak attempts to fight him off. The struggle had continued throughout the rest of their morning routine and all the way downstairs until they each had a mug of coffee placed on front of them.

All in all a perfectly normal morning.

And then Light had started with the bitching.

Now, L was rather used to this. Light was kind of a bitchy guy. L didn't mind so much because Light had a great ass and a rather lovely smile and was so darn charming – it was just so easy to ignore Light's whining and focus on work. In fact, it was rather soothing, kind of like low background music; Light had a nice voice and no matter how he was using it, it always sounded good. So L didn't particularly care about or notice the bitching, even though his team members might have been grimacing and plugging their ears so they could drown out the beautiful music that was a Light Yagami Hissy Fit.

However, though the morning had started out normal it was not meant to be a normal day. Thus, when Light punched him in the arm to get his attention L was suitably shocked and duly unimpressed.

"What is it, Light-kun?" he asked dully, giving Light his patented _'why on earth are you bothering me?'_ look. Light frowned at him.

"This! You wake me up in the most annoying way possible and bother me all damn morning and try to talk to me when I haven't even had a coffee! And at night you never let me eat supper and barely let me shower – it's always about you! Would it kill you to be a little nicer? A little more _considerate?_" Light asked venomously, and L just stared at him.

"Did any of that get through to you?" Light asked, and L widened his eyes ever so slightly.

"You don't want me to wake you up with a massage?" he asked guilelessly, and Light fairly snarled.

"_No_, you idiot! I want you to quit being so damned selfish all the time and show me a little respect! If I want to shower in peace and maybe have some time to myself until I actually wake up I want to be able to! I don't want you hanging off of me and blabbering away about cake and fucking ice-cream and those little chocolate cookies you love so damn much!" Light's voice had raised quite dramatically form the hiss it had been and L was fairly certain that, while they were typing away in a show of productivity, the task force was actually watching their little argument as though it were a fairly interesting soap opera.

L steadfastly refused to admit that there might have been a disconcerting likeness to one.

"Well, Light-kun. If that is what you wish of me then so be it. I shall not wake you in the mornings, you may wake yourself," L hadn't intended for it to be anything other than acquiescence – he supposed it was the rather bland tone of voice that caused Light to misinterpret his meaning and upend his barely touched cup of coffee all over L's jeans and keyboard.

"Fuck you, L! I don't know why I even bother helping on this stupid case when it's clear you don't appreciate it," Light hissed. L, however, was a little preoccupied with the hot coffee seeping into his jeans.

"Light-kun, you have spilt coffee all over me," he stated, working to keep any trace of irritation out of his voice. Honestly, Light was such a child sometimes, prone to fits of violence and temper tantrums. Half the time L never knew what the reason behind Light's anger eas.

"So I have," Light replied evenly, without looking at L. L stared at him for a moment longer before standing with a sigh, deciding that spilling Light's coffee would only end in his execution: you didn't fuck with Light Yagami's coffee – Matsuda had learnt this the hard way and Light had wasted no time in making an example out of him.

"Carry on, then. I will return in a few moments," L said, waving a hand vaguely at the other team members as he went to change into a pair of jeans that weren't soaked with coffee and sugar. The task force stared at him as he walked by their desks.

"Er, Ryuzaki, shouldn't you take care of your legs? The coffee might have burned them," Aizawa said and L shrugged.

"I am quite certain that the coffee has, indeed, burned my legs, Aizawa-san. However, I am hoping that the burns will scar so that Light-kun might always be reminded of his uncontrollable violence for the rest of his life,"

A pencil sailed past his head and L figured it was time to exit the room before Light started throwing staplers at him. He didn't need a repeat of _that_ incident.

* * *

Two hours later found L perched at his desk, scanning reports while Light checked various emails and filed them away for future reference. The room was filled with noise, for once; in the aftermath of L and Light's earlier altercation it seemed that the remaining members of the taskforce had decided that joviality was necessary to make it through the day and as a result had brought a radio into the room. Although L usually would have protested, the look on Light's face as some teen idol's pop-tune assaulted their eardrums was the perfect revenge, so L had insisted that the radio remain on for the rest of the day. And when Mastuda had engaged Aizawa in a lively debate over whether Pluto was a moon or a planet, L allowed them to carry on, even as the argument grew increasingly louder and more heated until Aizawa was red in the face and had to leave the building for a calming smoke.

Light had steadfastly ignored L from the moment he threw the pencil onwards and L had returned the gesture. He wasn't entirely sure why Light was mad at him (although he supposed the early morning groping sessions might not have been appreciated by someone who was undoubtedly _not_ a morning person) but he was upset over the coffee tipping and therefore was unwilling to speak to Light until Light got down on his knees and apologized with his mouth on L's dick. Or pouted at him with that undeniably heartbreaking, lonely look until L caved and smothered him with love. Regardless, L was not talking to Light for the time being and he was not at all upset about this.

Really.

Another hour later and Light was dead to the world, his head pillowed on his folded arms and his breathing deep and easy. L had no idea how Light could sleep so soundly in a room full of maniacs (Mogi and Aizawa were now arm-wrestling while Matsuda cheered them on – Soichiro had left half an hour ago to phone his wife, though L had a sneaking suspicion that he had actually made a trip to a quiet bar down the street) but figured that Light might have really been suffering from their …night time activities. It was amazing, really, how sweet and docile Light looked while asleep. His face was soft and his hair fell over his face in the most disheveled way. It was cute and L felt his heart softening at the sight.

Perhaps Light was right – he was a bit of an asshole, after all. One didn't get to be the single most powerful individual in the world by being _nice_. But Light wasn't the rest of the world and he already put up with all of L's strange quirks and bizarre habits – perhaps it was time that L acknowledged the nice things Light did for him and demonstrated his affection for the boy.

The issue was, L wasn't much of a romantic. His dating experience was limited (prostitutes didn't really require any wooing) and he was a bit of an emotionless bastard (something Light and Wammy managed to remind of him of everyday). He definitely loved Light (why else would he put up with the brat?) but he had no idea how to go about showing it.

L reached over and ran a gentle hand through Light's soft hair. Light stirred a little and mumbled something vaguely into his arms. L smiled and gazed at Light for a little while longer until a shadow fell over them. L looked up to see Matsuda standing over them.

"L, can I talk to you for a moment?" Matsuda asked, and L nodded, withdrawing his hand from Light's hair and following Matsuda over to their makeshift sitting area, where a loveseat and some chairs were situated around a small coffee table.

L folded himself into his preferred position and then looked at Matsuda inquisitively, watching as the other man fumbled awkwardly with his tie before speaking.

"I can't help but notice, Ryuzaki, that Light's seemed rather unhappy the last few weeks," L hadn't thought it had been weeks, but then again, he was rather unobservant when it came to matters of the heart.

"Yes, he said something along the lines of that earlier today," L murmured and raised his eyebrows as Matsuda shook his head and heaved a great sigh.

"You really don't get it, do you Ryuzaki?" L felt that Matsuda was insulting his intelligence and prepared himself for a battle of wits that would prove just how capable of 'getting things' he was, but Matsuda continued talking.

"Ryuzaki, Light is a sensitive soul," L was fairly certain he'd never seen a less sensitive person in his life, but didn't get the chance to say this as Matsuda continued in his ramblings. "Light is emotional and although he can be a little …_cold_ at times, deep down I know that he yearns for love and appreciation just like the rest of us do," Matsuda gave L a pointed look, and L just stared hopelessly back at him.

He had absolutely no idea what the man was talking about.

"Ryuzaki, I'm trying to help you here. It's obvious to me that you're quite easy to please – you don't need reassurances of love and affection, but Light _does_. Light may be charismatic and popular but he's totally self-conscious and I just know he's terrified of showing people his true self," Light hadn't had any problems in showing L his _true self_, if the frequent bursts of temper and unnecessary violence were anything to go by.

"Matsuda, I am afraid that I still do not quite understand you," L interrupted, and Matsuda sighed again, closing his eyes briefly before pinning L with a piercing gaze that looked very odd on the man's childish face.

"What I'm saying, Ryuzaki, is that you need to show Light that you care every once in a while. Sex is all good and great, but Light isn't the kind of guy that will be satisfied with just sexual love. He needs reassurance and emotional support. You need to go out of your way to prove to him that you care for him and appreciate all that he does for you," Matsuda was very emphatic as he spoke, his eyes shining and his cheeks flushed. L was bewildered.

"I give him everything that he asks for and allow him free reign of my money. I also plan to take him across the world with me when the case is solved, what more could he possibly want?" L asked, despite himself. Matsuda gave him another one of those pitying glances and L frowned a little. Was he actually missing something? He knew he wasn't the best romantic partner, but he had always been under the impression that Light, bitchy and self-centered though he was, was pleased with what they had. Had Matsuda been able to see something that L couldn't? Matsuda, although rather simple, was a man who relied on his emotions and was often rather accurate in his interpretations of people's emotions during any situation. It was possible that Mastuda did indeed know what he was talking about and that L, while never admitting it, could trust him with matters of the heart.

"How do you propose one would go about showing a man like Light their _affections_," L asked and Matsuda smiled slyly, winking for good measure. L shuddered.

"Well, Light is a little bit narcissistic," That was the understatement of the century. "So he needs to be reassured that you care about him – you need to do things that will show him this. Like carrying around a picture of him in your pocket or something," L raised his eyebrows again.

"Carrying around a picture of him in my pocket? Wouldn't that make me a little …well, rather like a stalker? I already see Light all day and night, I do not think that either of us would appreciate it if I pulled out a picture of him sporadically throughout the day and gazed at it while the real thing sits right next to me," Matsuda rolled his eyes heavenwards and L swore he mouthed the words '_why me?'_ to the ceiling.

"Ryuzaki, have you ever read a romance novel?" L could safely say that he had never in his life read a romance novel.

"No,"

"You haven't! You're missing out! No wonder you don't know what I'm talking about," L thought it had more to do with Matsuda's less-than-average IQ and general idiocy, but kept quiet.

"L, in the classics lovers often trade small tokens of affection in order to demonstrate their feelings for one another. They can be small trinkets that hold a lot of sentimental value or expensive items meant to impress. In your case, your wealth has lost its extravagance because Light already knows that you can afford to buy him everything he could ever ask for," L couldn't deny this so he held his silence.

"You'll need to give him something small but meaningful. Or do small but meaningful things. I mean, girls often presented their lovers with a lock of hair because of the intimacy it promised – it was a little piece of them that could be kept close,"

"People used to gift their lovers with a bit of their hair in order to offer a bit of themselves in an act of faith?" L asked dubiously, and Matsuda nodded.

"Yes! Don't you see the simple ingenuity in the action! If a girl were to provide her lover with a lock hair, they would be offering a bit of themselves while also gifting their lovers with a priceless token of affection! The lock of hair could be something special and secret that only the couple knew about, so that they might think of one another and have physical proof of their relationship!"

L was about to say that that was the stupidest thing he had ever heard in his entire life and that Mastuda ought to leave if all he was going to do was spout nonsense about love and hair, but something _clicked_, and L realized that while it was a little creepy, the action did make a bit of sense.

It was an act of devotion. If L were to carry a piece of Light's hair around with him everywhere, Light would be forced to acknowledge that L cared about him enough to cherish a piece of his hair. And Light, with that genius brain of his, would realize that if L cherished Light's hair, then he must obviously cherish Light himself. And then, perhaps, Light could rest a little easier without either of them having to sit down and have a serious conversation.

It was a little strange and farfetched, but L thought that the idea had merit. He nodded once and then got to his feet.

"Thank you, Matsuda. Your help has been greatly appreciated," L said politely, before wandering off in the direction of the stairs, intent on locating Wammy and a pair of scissors.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later and L crept back into the room. Soichiro had returned from his outing looking no worse for the wear and had managed to motivate the other men into working. He had left Light asleep though and for this L was glad.

He had a feeling Light wouldn't be too happy about his actions if he were awake to witness them. No, better to let Light sleep and pretend he knew nothing of what was about to transpire.

With this thought in mind, L casually slunk over to the sleeping teen, who continued to look cute and peaceful as his hair fluttered with every exhale of his breath. L smiled before running a hand through the silky strands of hair. Light sighed a little and L plucked a small section of hair from near the top of Light's head.

Quickly, so quickly that if three certain men hadn't been watching L out of morbid curiosity and a desperate need to stave off boredom that the action might have been missed, L brought the silver sewing scissors to Light's hair and gently snipped the small clump. The shorter strands fell back against Light's head and in L's hand he clutched a small lock of Light's gloriously shiny and irresistibly smooth hair.

Irrationally pleased with himself, L turned around only to see three stunned faces staring at him with identical expressions of shock. If L had been a lesser man, he might have blushed. Instead, L only shrugged and meandered away and up the stairs to his room, where he would sit and meditate on what the next best course of action would be. Somehow he would have to notify Light of his hair theft.

* * *

Half an hour later and Light was back in the world of the living and only mildly embarrassed as he lifted his face from his makeshift pillow. He slowly got to his feet and grumbled something incoherent to his father as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes and stumbled to the bathroom. As he washed his hands Light inspected the red creases that his sleeve had made in his face and grimaced at himself. He had circles under his eyes.

Light leaned in a little closer to the mirror to inspect the dark shadows under his eyes when he noticed something …odd. His hair, while a little tousled on one side of his head from his sleep, was a little more disheveled then he liked and he ran his hand through his hair a few times.

There was no way in hell he could miss the disconcerting feel of the straggly short strands of hair slipping through his fingers before the rest.

Light looked at his hair in disbelief.

There was …no way.

He dropped into a crouch and wrenched open the cabinet doors, searching desperately for a second mirror of some sort and nearly shouted with relief when he came across a small hand mirror. Standing back up he angled the mirror so it would show the back of his head and combed through his hair again, instantly spotting the irregularity in the texture.

There was a small bit of hair that was far shorter than the rest, laying a few centimeters from his scalp and feeling strangely bristly. Light could only stare in stupefied horror.

His hair…

Light could feel his chest tightening even as his pulse started racing. He let the small mirror drop to the floor, where it shatter around his feet as he leant forwards and tried to steady his breathing.

Somebody had cut his hair while he was asleep.

Instantly rage was coursing through him and although he was positively growling Light felt his vision narrow and he knew without a doubt that there was only one man stupid enough to fuck with the one thing he cared about most in his life.

_L._

The bastard would _pay_.

* * *

L was sitting on the bed he shared with Light, twirling the piece of hair absently in his fingers. Now that he had cut the hair and held it in his possession he had no idea what to do with it. In hindsight, the action was undoubtedly foolhardy, as Light cared very much about his hair and took pride in his appearance. In fact, L was almost positive that Light would fail to see anything positive in the destruction of his hair and L regretted ever listening to Mastuda.

It was in the middle of these musings when L heard an enraged screech through his open door and he realized that Light must have noticed the unfortunate haircut he was now sporting.

With barely a thought, L was on his feet and slamming the door closed, flicking the lock as he whipped out his phone.

"_Yes, L?_"

"Watari, we have a code fuchsia. I repeat, a _code fuchsia_," L said firmly as he strode over to the closet and rummaged among the hanging clothes with his free hand.

"_A code fuchsia? You don't mean-"_

"Yes, Watari. I believe that my life is in serious danger if Light Yagami is to come into contact with me. I think that we might even have to leave the country," L said as he found the hidden compartment and stuck his hand inside, pressing the button contained within. The back wall of the closet gave way and then slid inwards so that a secret staircase was revealed. L had designed the building with as many escape routes as possible in case of any serious danger.

And he felt that his life was currently in serious danger: no doubt if Light were to come across him right now, the boy would no longer be a suspect in the murder case but become an actual murderer.

"… _L, please tell me you didn't actually listen to what Matsuda was telling you," _Watari sounded very tired and L's stomach sank. He had messed up quite badly.

"I am afraid I did. I was at my wits end and I thought that Matsuda might have some insight pertaining to relationships because he is such an emotional man himself. I was mistaken, however, and deeply regret it," L ducked under the various clothes and began heading up the staircase, which would lead him to the roof.

"_Very well. What would you have me do, L?"_ L began taking the stairs two at a time as he heard banging on the bedroom door. He could faintly hear Light's furious shouting and obscenities.

"Meet me on the roof and ready the helicopter. We will have to fly it to the airport. I believe that we should return to England and perhaps make a visit to Whammy's,"

"_You had better hurry, L. Light will figure out where you're going quite quickly,"_

"I will see you at the top, Watari," L muttered, snapping the phone shut and fairly leaping up the stairs. It was almost laughable really: the Great Detective L running away from an eighteen-year-old boy. Granted, Light was an enraged eighteen year-old and was quite vindictive – if he didn't make L pay physically, he definitely would psychologically.

L didn't feel like paying in any way.

Even so, a chill ran down his spine as he thought of just how _furious_ Light was and L raced up the stairs, gasping for breath as he neared the top. He sent a quick thanks to whatever deity above that he had thought to have his own bedroom near the top of the building. He reached the top door and furiously punched in the code before forcing the door open and staggering out onto the windy rooftop.

Blinking furiously against the bright sunlight, L saw that Wammy had managed to reach the helicopter before him (he was also thankful for the foresight that motivated him to situate Watari in a room on one of the uppermost floors) and began sprinting towards the helicopter. He was halfway to the launch pad when he heard the screech of unused metal and a loud crash behind him. Almost by instinct L slowed his steps and glanced over his shoulder.

Light Yagami had never looked more beautiful. It was a terrifying beauty, L mused, one much like that of a jungle cat, all sleek but deadly elegance. Even from his distance L could see the molten fury gleaming in Light's eyes and the pink spots in his cheeks. His hair was mussed and his face was hard, his entire body taught with tension.

L knew without a doubt that Light had only one thought running through his mind: _kill_.

"_L!"_ he howled, and the spell was broken. L straightened to his full height as he twisted back around and propelled himself forwards with as much strength as he could muster; his back cracked terribly but L didn't care, all he wanted was to reach Wammy before Light caught him.

The helicopter was beginning to lift from the roof even as L raced towards it. He had never in his life been so thankful that Wammy knew him as well as he did and knew what actions to take even without orders. He heard Light snarl behind him and the pounding of footfalls as Light ran after him, determined to catch him. But L was too far ahead and Wammy was going to be too high in the air by the time Light caught up to them. L threw himself at the helicopter and heaved himself in as Wammy lifted the last few crucial inches off the ground.

Heart pounding, chest heaving, L sucked in a few mouthfuls of air as Wammy rose steadily higher and began veering away from the building and Light. L cautiously crawled over to the side of the helicopter and looked down at the building, where Light was screaming at him again and gesturing wildly. Now that he was in the air, however, Light didn't seem nearly as terrifying as he had when he raced L unseen through the building. L began chuckling and maneuvered his way into the passenger seat beside Watari. He placed a pair headphones over his ears and grinned at the older man, who gave him a tentative smile in response.

"Well, Watari, I believe that once we reach England we deserve a nice cup of tea. As exhilarating as that was, I do not think that I am eager to experience something that terrifying for a very long time," L admitted, and Watari finally smiled at him, nodding towards the space in-between their seats.

"I brought a thermos. I believe you will find the tea quite to your liking,"

L smiled brightly at his long-time friend before reaching for the thermos.

* * *

A week went by without a word from L. Well, that was a lie – his father had heard from L, when L had asked him to take over the case until he returned from his impromptu trip. But _Light_ hadn't heard from L, and that was what really mattered.

Every time he thought about it, about _everything_ he couldn't stop the burning rage that engulfed him and the humiliation he felt every time someone so much as glanced at him.

Loathe as he was to admit it, Light had taken to wearing hooded sweaters, so that he could keep the hood up and thus keep his hair covered. It didn't matter if his father told him that it was barely noticeable, that you could only notice the irregularity if you looked for it. L had cut off a piece of his hair and now Light looked like a complete fucking idiot.

And then there was the whole _chase and escape_ debacle, as the taskforce had named it. Though Light had to admit that he might have lost his temper, and he may or may not have overreacted as he chased L through the building and to the roof where the detective had made his escape. It was still humiliating, however, and he hated thinking about it.

But _god_, he had been so angry and it was a fucking nightmare, the whole thing! Light couldn't forget how he had run straight to their room and pounded on the door, threatening L and waiting for a response. And when one hadn't come, Light had realized that L, coward that he was, was going to flee. The only escape L had was the roof, since he would have had to pass Light to get downstairs; Light had no doubts that L had built secret escape routes into the building to suit his own purposes.

So he had rushed to the staircase and ran up to the roof. It had been almost supernatural, the clarity of mind he achieved as he raced up the steps one by one and quickly reached the top of the building. He had been so sure of himself and so sure that he would catch L.

But when he threw open the door, L was already halfway to the helicopter.

Light still _dreamt_ of the moment, when L had paused and looked over his shoulder with those unfathomable black eyes and a mass of wild black hair whipping around his head. Light had been struck by something in L's expression, the strange awe that had overcome his features before his face had resumed its usual blank look.

And then he had _run_. Light knew as soon as L took off that he could never catch up; for someone who seemed to spend all of their time contorted into strange positions on chairs, L was in good shape and _was damn_ fast. He had taken off like a gunshot and Light had thrown himself after him, even though he knew it was fruitless. And as furious as he was, he was impressed with how deftly L had swung over the edge of the helicopter; how he had grasped it with both hands and heaved the entirety of his weight over the edge. But by the time Light had reached the edge of the building, the helicopter was too far away for him to reach.

Light was left screaming insults at a piece of metal as the rest of the task force spilled out the door behind him. As the helicopter flew away all he had seen was large dark eyes in a pale face and a lot of hair, but it was enough to make Light scream.

And now here he was. Haunted by that last image of L and wondering if the detective was ever going to return. It wasn't as though Light was going to actually hurt him – maybe slap him around a bit and hold a good long grudge, but he wouldn't have really hurt the man. It only irritated him further that L thought so lowly of him.

It was with these thoughts in mind that he found himself entering the workstation only to find the entirety of the taskforce clustered around Mogi's computer.

"Good god, look at him run! I didn't think L had it in him!"

"Ugh, did you hear his back as he straightened up? That must have hurt,"

"He's actually quite tall, isn't he? Oh, there he goes – and over the edge! He's quite strong,"

"I would have never thought L was so athletic,"

"Oh, and there's Light-kun running after him,"

"Man, he looks _pissed_,"

"I don't blame L for running, I'd have died from fright if I was faced with something like _that_!"

Light felt that he had heard enough and coughed loudly. There was a whole lot of scrambling and awkward clearing of throats as the men jumped and tried to look as though they were busy. Light paid them no mind but look disapprovingly at his father. He had expected better of him.

With a sigh, Light made his way to his own desk and sat down, resolutely _not_ thinking about how strange it was to sit there without L crouching in his seat beside him.

"Light," came his father's gentle voice. The other men had begun chattering away about something trivial again, so Light turned and looked at his father.

"Yes, father?"

"Is everything okay? I know that …_incident_ with L upset you, but you've seemed depressed lately. Even before all of this hair business,"

Light sighed a little. His father was often more observant than Light gave him credit for.

"Yes, it's just difficult right now. Sometimes the case is very stressful and, well, then everything else gets complicated too," his father looked at him for a few moments before placing a large hand on Light's shoulder and gently squeezing.

"It'll be okay, Light. Things will work out. Just let Ryuzaki explain himself when he does call,' Light nodded slowly and turned back towards the computer screen. His father removed his hand and walked back over to his desk, leaving Light alone and not at all confused.

* * *

"I believe I shall call Light-kun today and attempt to explain myself to him. Surely a week has been enough time for him to calm down," L said as Watari set down tea and biscuits in front of him. Mello glanced up at L as he reached for a biscuit and snorted.

"You're gonna call the guy chased you through a building like a freaking lunatic? You're crazy!" he exclaimed before biting enthusiastically into the treat. L shrugged at him and looked to Wammy for input. The elderly man smiled and patted L's shoulder.

"I believe that a week has been more than enough time for Light-kun to gather his thoughts. In fact, I believe that if you wait any longer to contact him he will be upset with you for a whole new reason," L nodded at this.

"Well, there is no point in delaying the inevitable. Mello, either be completely silent or leave me while I talk to Light," L instructed. Mello just scoffed and took another biscuit.

"As if I'm gonna miss _this_ conversation!" he said excitedly. L shrugged again but dug his phone out of his pocket, narrowing his eyes as Mello tugged the plate of biscuits closer to him. L was going to have to give him a lesson in sharing and property rights.

But that would be done at a later time. Right now, he had a very angry partner to call.

* * *

There was a phone ringing, but Light paid it no mind. He was playing some incredibly mind-numbing but strangely entertaining game on the computer and wanted to see if he could beat his own high score. He let one of the other men answer the call and it wasn't until a shadow fell over him that Light looked up to see Aizawa holding a phone out to him.

"It's for you," he said succinctly and Light silently took the phone, letting his character die. He held the phone to his ear and turned back to the computer, inhaling quietly before speaking.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, Light-kun,"_

It was strange, but Light could feel days worth of tension leaking from him, even as he felt his ire flare.

"L, how nice of you to call. A week later,"

"_I thought that Light-kun might like the chance to think things over before talking to me. I was not sure if you wanted to speak to me so soon,"_ Light couldn't deny that this was strangely considerate of L.

"I'd like to know what you were thinking," Light didn't feel the need to refer to the incident in specific terms. L would know what he was talking about.

"_Ah, well, Light-kun. That was a mistake on my part. It was stupid of me and I very much regret doing what I did,"_

Light said nothing but stood up and slowly walked from the room, so that he might have some privacy. The taskforce already thought he was crazy enough as it was.

"_If I am going to be honest, Light-kun, I spoke with Matsuda after our earlier argument. He began to lecture me on the importance of appreciation and affection. He informed me that I needed to increase both in order to make you happy and understand how much I truly care for you,"_

"What does that have to do with sabotaging my hair?" Light asked lowly, feeling his patience grow thin. He didn't want to hear about L's pathetic attempts to win him over or show affection. All he had truly wanted was the opportunity to sleep late for once!

"_He mentioned something about 'tokens of love'. I realize that it sounds horribly stupid and incredibly naïve of me, but considering the kind of man Matsuda is, I thought he might understand emotions better than I. Alas, I was terribly wrong,"_

Light still had no idea where L was going with this and didn't quite understand why he had cut his hair. Although he had a feeling that Matsuda was deeply involved in the event and needed to be punished.

"The point, L. Get to the point,"

"_Yes, I am sorry. I, well …Matsuda mentioned sharing small gifts with one another, and spoke of couples in the past who used to treasure small items that held a lot of emotional significance. One of the examples was gifting lover with a lock of hair,"_ Light had a bad feeling that he knew where this was going and truly couldn't believe that L was capable of such stupidity.

"Are you telling me that you listened to what Mastuda had to say and thought that cutting my hair would somehow convince me of your undying love and win me over?" Light asked shrewdly, and he heard L laugh a little nervously on the other end of the line.

"_Well, when you put it like that …well, yes, I suppose that is the gist of it,"_ Light remained silent and L continued talking. _"Truly, Light-kun, I hadn't meant to upset you. I was so absorbed with the idea of making you happy that I didn't even stop to think of the negative repercussions,"_

"L …what the hell were you _thinking_?" Light asked, and L sighed heavily over the phone.

"_I thought that if you realized I cared about you enough to keep a lock of your hair with me, you would realize that I truly care about you, as difficult as it is for me to show you. I imagined it to be like keeping a piece of you with me wherever I went, but after I did the deed I realized that carrying a bit of hair around in my pocket was rather disturbing and ultimately useless, as you would kill me for ruining it,"_

Well. Light had been expecting a mocking explanation of how L was sick of his temper and decided to get his revenge by ruining the one of the few things Light took true pride in. He certainly didn't expect such a …_heartfelt_ confession. It was kind of flattering, actually, and it would have been sickeningly sweet, had it not been the world's greatest detective who had been reduced to such idiocy.

Light didn't know what to say.

"L …this is just, unlike you. I mean, _why_ would you listen to _Matsuda_, of all people?"

"_Light, my only defense is that I recognized the truth in your words and realized that I am quite selfish and I hadn't been treating you fairly. I truly just wanted you to see that I care about you. Please Light, I am so, so sorry. Truly sorry,"_

Well.

L had never told Light he was sorry before.

"Wow. You've never said that before,"

"_I know. Please understand how difficult this is for me. It is hard enough realizing my own stupidity without thinking of how upset you must have been,"_ Light was finding it rather difficult to stay mad at L. Not when he sounded so worried and beaten.

And apologizing. That was something Light could have never dreamed of hearing.

"I'll forgive you if you let me sleep in at least two days out of the week, like regular people do. And I don't want you touching me until I've finished my first cup of coffee. And _I'll _decide when I want to have sex, don't just force me into it when I'm half asleep and barely aware of what's happening. And you have to give me a foot massage every night from now on. And maybe a back massage too. And I want a vacation," Light said, and L laughed a little.

"_If that is all you want, Light-kun, I can most definitely provide you with it_,"

"Good. Will you be coming back soon? We haven't gotten much done. The others just sit around and watch videos online all day,"

"_If Light-kun can stand to see me, I will be back within a few days,"_

Ah, this was the part Light would have trouble with.

"Hmm. Well, I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if you came back. You could get started on those massages,"

"_Then I will be back within the next three days. Light-kun does know that I am sorry, right? And that I do care for you very much?"_

"Yes, I know. Although, there is one other thing that would make me very happy,"

"_And what is that?"_ L sounded eager. Light smirked. Good.

"I just want to be sure – you said it was Matsuda who spoke to you about relationships and convinced you it was a good idea to cut my hair?"

Silence.

"Well? Was it?"

"…_Light-kun, please to not be too harsh with him. I am sure that deep down he meant well, despite his idiocy,"_

"He'll get what he deserves and nothing more, don't worry,"

"_At least keep him alive. Surprising though it is, he does have his uses_,"

"I'll keep him alive. Somebody has to fetch our coffee, after all. He just needs to be taught a lesson about involving himself in the affairs of others,"

"_Don't break him, Light-kun. He is not like you or I,"_

"He'll be fine,"

* * *

After a few more minutes, L ended the call and gazed at the small silver phone apprehensively. He was glad that Light wasn't angry with him, though he couldn't help but fear for Matsuda's sanity.

"Wammy?"

"The call seemed to go well. Has Light-kun forgiven you?"

"Yes, he has, although he seems determined to punish Matsuda for his ignorance. I believe that we will have to return within the next few days, before Light-kun gets too far in his revenge. Matsuda will not last long against a man like Light," Watari nodded and looked to Mello and the empty biscuit plate.

"Don't tell me you're leaving already!" Mello exclaimed. L gazed at him and the plate before sighing and slumping back into the couch.

"Well, I'm sure he will last a few days. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, after all,"


	30. Slope

I only received one review for the last chapter. Come on people, that was my _masterpiece_. Is my humor really so substandard? Ah well, I can't please everyone, I suppose.

This chapter is short, very short and very _sappy_. So sappy it makes my teeth ache. I must have been in an incredibly romantic/nostalgic mood when I wrote this. Also I really like New Years. I think it's actually one of my favourite celebrations- I really like the idea of beginning a fresh year and starting all over again. But that's just me.

Anyways, I beg of you, please review. Feedback means _so_ much to me and I always love to hear what my readers have to say, whether it be good or bad!

* * *

**Slope**

It's their first winter together. The first winter after the Kira case and the first winter L has ever brought anybody back to England with him. Light tends to be the exception to every rule L has ever made though (including the one about becoming romantically involved with suspects) so it isn't much of a surprise when he looks to his right and sees Light standing there beside him, a red scarf wrapped around his throat and up to his nose. Light catches his eye and smiles, though L can only tell as his cheeks move and his eyes sparkle.

"It's really cold out," he says simply, and L nods, pulling his hat down farther on his head and reaching for Light's mittened hand, pulling him closer.

"Yeah. It's just a few minutes until New Years though, and then we can go back in," they're standing on the slope of a hill, outside the orphanage and watching as the kids mill about, excitedly waiting for the countdown and the fireworks that will be lit in Winchester. There is a radio playing somewhere, broadcasting the festivities in London and although L loves London and enjoys the holidays in the city, it's not the same as being at home.

"Did you know that if you're with someone the moment the year changes, it means you'll still be with them in the following year?" Light asks conversationally, and L looks at him curiously.

"I was not aware of that," Light's cheeks are already red from the cold, so L can't tell if he's blushing when he elaborates.

"It's a romantic belief in Japan. Used a lot in girly manga," he mutters, and L works hard to keep a slow smile from spreading across his face. Light is so full of useless trivia and bits of pop-culture; it's always entertaining when he makes such remarks and then remembers whom it is that he's talking to.

"Ah. Well, I do believe we will be together the moment the year changes. I suppose we'll be together for the entirety of next year too," L says, and Light raises an eyebrow.

"We'd better be. I swear, if you decide you're sick of me and ship me back to Japan I'll make your life miserable!" L doesn't doubt this in the least and slings an arm around Light's shoulders, pressing him up against his side.

"Light-kun doesn't need to worry. I could never get bored of him," This is tantamount to a soppy, heartfelt declaration of _I love you _in Light's world and he does blush this time, refusing to meet L's eyes. He huffs but doesn't move away and L knows that he's secretly pleased.

"L! Stop cuddling! If you're gonna do that then do it in private!" Mello yells from his place by the bonfire. L doesn't think it's very safe to allow the blonde anywhere near fire, but Matt assured him it happens every year and Mello hasn't manage to harm anybody yet. Not the most reassuring of words, but who is L to intervene in the workings of Whammy's house when he only spends a few weeks out of every year visiting?

"I really don't feel safe with him near the fire," Light mutters and L can't help but chuckle.

"I agree. But we must have faith in him – the others do," Light looks at him with raised eyebrows and L presses a swift kiss to his forehead. He's not usually one for public affection but Light looks adorable wrapped up in scarves and coats and hats, with the light of the fire turning his skin golden and his eyes into molten amber.

"L! Jesus! Save it for the bedroom!" Mello cries, running into him and nearly sending both him and Light into the snow. Light recovers gracefully while L stumbles and clutches Mello's shoulders for support.

"You know Mello, I'm beginning to think you have a bit of a complex or something. I bet the dating opportunities at Whammy's are pretty slim, yeah?" Light asks slyly, shooting a mischievous grin at L, who rolls his eyes. The two claim to hate one another, but L has noticed that Light seems to immensely enjoy taunting Mello and Mello loves embarrassing Light.

Mello glares at Light and flips his hair dramatically, though Light kindly refrains from commenting on the younger boys dubious masculinity.

"Are you implying that I'm madly in love with L and secretly jealous that you're sleeping with him and I'm not?" Mello asks shrewdly and Light laughs out loud, delighted and wholly amused.

"No, I just thought you might lack the opportunity to date anyone because you've watched all of these kids grow up. But what you just said makes far more sense. I'm truly surprised that I didn't think of that myself," Light actually did think of that himself but had taken a surprisingly mature stance when he explained to L that he wouldn't mock Mello for it because it wasn't right to mock the poor boy about his childhood hero.

Mello's eyes glitter angrily as he crosses his arms and attempts to look down his nose at Light, regardless of the height difference between them. L chuckles. Mello is still so cute, even after all these years.

"As _if_! I would never wanna be with L –no offense, L – but he's so weird! If I woke up in the middle of the night to that face I'd probably shit myself!" L frowns as Light laughs again and nudges his ribs with his elbow.

"It's not so bad. After the first few nights I got used to that face looking at me whenever I woke up," he teases, and Mello raises his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Excuse me if I am wrong, but I do believe the first few nights we spent together Light-kun demanded that I cuddle him because he was, and I quote, 'desperate for human contact' and 'still in shock from his fifty-day stint in a holding cell'," the truth is a little more intimate and depressing, but Mello doesn't need to know the whole story about Light's nightmares and subsequent insomnia. L squeezes Light's shoulder gently in an attempt to convey his meaning and Light smirks at him.

"It's not my fault you couldn't understand that I was flirting with you. Desperate times call for desperate measures!" he sings, and Mello groans in disgust.

"You used to be so cool, L! Now you're like, some lovesick old man!" Light grins at L, who cannot help but smile back.

"Old man, eh?" Light asks. L catches on fast and chuckles lowly as he pulls Light close to him.

"Little boy," he returns in deep tones and Mello backs away with his hands raised in front of his face defensively.

"Ugh! Save it! I don't wanna see it!" he shouts and spins around, making a beeline back to the safety of the fire and Matt. Light smiles at L again.

"_TWO MINUTES!_" somebody cries, and immediately the noise of the crowd increases. The kids gather closer to the fire, but L and Light hang back.

"I'm feeling strangely nostalgic and emotional right now," he admits and Light smiles at him, his expression soft and open for once.

"We went through a lot together this year," he says by way of agreement. L wraps his arms around Light's waist and pulls him in close. Light rests his hands on L's shoulders.

"It was very …intense, to say the least. In all honestly, I'm finding it a little hard to believe that I've lived to see another year," Lights eyes are strangely intense and he wraps his arms securely around L's neck.

"_ONE MINUTE!"_

"You'll live to see many more years too," Light says firmly. "With me by your side we'll be completely invincible. Nobody will takes us down!" L has to admire the conviction with which Light says this and nuzzles the side of Light's cheek with his nose.

"I have to say that I like the idea of that: L and Light against the world," he mutters and feels Light chuckle.

"You and me against the world, darling," he drawls and L looks back up at him. His eyes were burning, an all-encompassing love lighting them up and L feels his breath catch in his lungs. It is as though he is the only thing that exists in Light's world – as if he is Light's whole universe.

"_Ten!"_

"Well, Light, it's been one hell of a year,"

"_Nine!"_

"Yes. Hopefully the next one's just as exciting. Though I could do without the supernatural killings and shinigami,"

"_Eight!"_

"I agree. I feel like I aged ten years over the course of the case,"

"_Seven!"_

"You're not old,"

"_Six!"_

"Light, I'm not usually one for expressing my emotions," _"Five!" _"And I don't think words could ever be enough," _"Four!"_ "But I am incredibly glad I met you,"

"_Three!"_

"I love you too, idiot,"

"_Two!"_

"That wasn't very romantic,"

"_ONE!"_

Light grins.

"Shut up and kiss me," he commands imperiously. L does as he is told and meets Light's lips in a passionate, dizzying kiss.

"_HAPPY NEW YEAR!"_

L pulls Light flush against him and kisses him deeply, sensually; he tries to pour all of the feelings he can't put into words into the kiss and feels Light eagerly accepting everything he has to offer. He's vaguely aware of the kids singing _Auld Lang Syne_ in the background, but he doesn't care and only pulls away from Light when the first fireworks explode into the sky and make them both jump.

Light looks up the sky and the flashing colours illuminate his face. He laughs and grins wildly at L.

"_Akemashite omedetou,"_ Light yells over the noise. L smiles for him.

"Happy new year, Light,"


	31. Correspondence

_A/N:_ So let's (yet again) pretend that Light was never Kira or never got his memories or something and he's in a relatively stable relationship with L. The basic idea is that Light is remaining in Japan to finish his education and L goes away to work on cases whenever he has to. So correspondence - L is away on a case and they talk over instant messenger. Easy enough, yeah?

Light is italicized, L isn't. It should be fairly obvious who's speaking though.

Also, I would like to thank all of those who reviewed! Each message brightens up my day and it makes me so happy to see what you all think. So please keep 'em coming!

* * *

**Correspondence**

_I hate to seem overbearing, but you didn't call today. Is everything okay?_

What time is it in Japan?

_Two in the morning. I suppose I should say you didn't call yesterday, shouldn't I?_

I am sorry, I forgot about the time difference. Everything is fine.

_How's the case going?_

Slowly. It would go much faster if Light-kun were here with me – at the very least you could keep me company.

_Yes, well, you're the one who insisted I finish school before running off to fight crime with you. Regret it now?_

Of course not, education is important. Even if it is not as stimulating as Light-kun would like it to be.

_If you say so. So the case is boring, but you haven't solved it. What's up with that?_

It is boring because it is going nowhere. There is no no evidence that the local authorities have been willing to show me – they are being very uncooperative, despite that fact that they asked for my assistance. I don't know why I waste my time like this.

_Perhaps you insulted them? You tend to do that._

Watari said the same thing. Light-kun should have a little faith in me.

_I'm just telling it like it is. You could send me some of your files, you know. I wouldn't mind looking over them, and a fresh perspective might find some new leads. _

Yes, I suppose I could. But not tonight, Light-kun will stay up all night reading them if I send them now.

_Send them tomorrow morning. I'll read them in class._

Light-kun should pay attention in class.

_Light-kun already knows the material, so send the files; I'd like to help. Maybe I'll find something you missed and then you can come back to Japan sooner. You've been gone for three weeks already, you know. It's boring around here._

Is that Light-speak for 'I miss you and I want you to come home'?

…

It is, isn't it.

_Well, I'm horny too._

I do love you, Light-kun. Go to sleep now.

_I don't want to, we don't get to talk often. Unless you're busy right now? I suppose I should let you finish your work._

The sooner we finish this conversation the more I can get done. Then I can come home.

…_It's just …kind of lonely here. I think I do miss you._

I'm not sure how I should feel about that.

_I miss you._

I can just picture you typing that.

_Shut up. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight._

Goodnight, Light. Sleep well.

_Call me tomorrow, or I'll spam your inbox._

I will call you when you are done class.

_You better._

I will.

_Good._

I love you, Light-kun. Though this font is terrible for conveying heartfelt sentiments.

_You're an idiot. I love you. Goodnight. _

Light-kun is probably blushing right now.

_GOODNIGHT._

I miss you too, you know.

…_I know. Goodnight, L._

Goodnight, Light-kun.

–


	32. Linger

_A/N: I love the way this turned out. I enjoy playing with the delicate articulation of words and using them to create something bigger. It was nice, playing with L and this language._

_Review please - this is a different style and I'm curious to see how people react to it._

* * *

**Linger**

You sit there, so still with your head angled to the floor and the slope of your neck on display. It is as though you are offering yourself to me - as though you are offering me your life. I feel as though I should press a blade against the delicate skin at the nape of your neck and slice though it, until blood gathers at the edges of the wound and flows over your soft flesh, painting it a marvelous crimson.

I have many things, but alas, no blades in my current possession. Somehow I feel that a kitchen knife would ruin the effect I am going for.

And ruined it is, as you raise you head just enough to glance at me through your fringe. Your eyes are open and honest, and I'll admit that I find such vulnerability intriguing - it is unlike you.

"Do you believe me?" You have so much nerve, asking me this. But your voice is compelling and I'm drawn to your delicate form, sitting before me as you are, sacrificial and almost pious. Do I believe you - what a question. The honesty in your eyes is unnerving, as is the absolute adoration.

I hardly know what to do with myself.

Of course I believe you.

"Yes,"

You hang your head again and I watch, captivated, as the delicate vertebrae quiver underneath the thin layer of skin. Your spine stands out through the thin shirt you wear and I notice that you have lost a fair amount of weight over the last few months.

I do not feel at all guilty about this.

"What now?" This is a good question, one I should be asking myself. But I'm focused on your still form and the absolute control you maintain over your body.

"I don't know. What do you believe I should do?"

Ah, you raise your head so slowly and with such compsure, looking at me with those eyes of yours and you must know what it does to me when you look at me like that, so devoted and obedient; so full of longing and desperation. For a man as powerful as myself, this is nothing less than the most satisfying opiate - the headiest aphrodisiac.

"Do you think I should die, to atone for my sins? I don't regret what I did, after all. I've just found something more important to me than anything else in the world," This is the problem, though; this importance, this significance that you have attached to me. It is what's keeping you alive and what's causing me to hesitate.

You could be so useful, with that genius intellect and cunning mind of yours. You could be so perfect, in your absolute devotion and unbridled love. You could be everything I could ever want.

You could be the death of me.

"You ought to die," My words don't dampen the passion in your eyes, even though you begin to tremble.

"I should," And it is so very wrong, that you can acknowledge your sins and your instability and your own sickness - but that's exactly _it_ and I could cure it, I could tame you and make you over. You could be wonderful, if I kept you for my own.

"What do you want from me?" This seems to have been the question you have been waiting for, because you slip gracefully from your seat and press your hands to my knees, forcing my feet to rest on either side of your body as you kneel on the ground between my legs. Your eyes are feverish as you look up at me and your hands hot where they continue to press against my knees.

The heat is like a drug, burning through your body and scorching my own.

"I only want to be with you - to be by your side. Let me give myself to you and I will be content. I will never need anything more," you murmur, so honestly and these words are terrible. I can feel them sinking deep into my body and clenching around my mind.

Oh, how I long to make you mine.

"You would obey me absolutely in every matter," You bow your head once again and shiver. Your neck is bare and open in front of me and this is the most entrancing sight I have ever seen, with your prone form between my legs and on the floor beneath me.

It is where you belong.

"Yes. I would never hurt you. I would never act against you. I would help you change the world until the day I die,"

These words of yours.

"Would you truly be willing to give up everything? All that you've worked for? Your family - your life?" Your hands slide slowly from my knees, down and down until all that is left is lingering warmth as you place your hands on the floor in front of you and bow your head further.

"Yes,"

Ah, these words of yours. So simple, so glorious.

"Till death do us part," My own words are wry, heavy and strained as I watch you slowly lift your head and wait to meet your gaze.

You very nearly take my breath away.


	33. Charm

_A/N: I'm not sure I like this one so much. I liked the concept, but I felt like the entire piece was a little rough. Oh well._

_If anyone was wondering, the song in question is Oasis' **Champagne Supernova**. I won't explain why it's this song because my feelings for the song are stupidly complex and unnecessary._

_Thank you to everybody who reviewed last chapter! I was very pleased to receive such nice messages! One reviewer begged me to write a full length story and I must admit I'm flatterd. I'm slowly working away at a couple of pieces that would like to turn into full stories, but I'll be busy soon (NaNoWriMo and Skyrim happen in November)._

_This has gone on long enough. Read and enjoy._

* * *

**Charm**

Light was tired. So tired. It was almost painful to keep his eyes open – they kept sliding shut of their own accord and he would feel himself drifting off and into the soft warmth of oblivion.

Then he would jolt awake with a gut-wrenching jerk and would blink in a desperate attempt to keep sleep at bay.

He wouldn't sleep, not until they reached their destination and he could sleep in a real bed.

With a sigh he glanced over to L, who looked strange sitting in the driver's seat and handling the car with far more grace than Light ever could have imagined. L looked totally at ease, slouched comfortably in his seat and gripping the steering wheel with one hand; he drove with confidence, even though it was dark outside and the roads were narrow and winding. Light was a little envious – he hadn't bothered getting his own drivers license because public transit was so readily available in Japan and it was often quicker than driving your own vehicle.

But now, seeing L drive – well, it sparked that competitive streak in Light and he wanted to prove that he too was capable of handling a car.

These thoughts only occupied his mind for a few moments before his eyes were slipping shut again and his consciousness was slipping away.

"Light-kun, you are exhausted. Go to sleep and I will wake you once we arrive," L said lowly, breaking the comfortable silence. Light shook his head to wake himself up.

"No. You'll just carry me in like a girl or something," Bastard though he was, L occasionally had these fits of chivalry wherein he decided that Light deserved nothing less than royal treatment. Light couldn't really complain, except that the sudden gallantry made him feel confused, embarrassed and often aroused.

But this situation was too important. Light wasn't going to allow the residents of _Wammy's House_ to think that he was a weak and needy boy. No, he would stay awake and prove that he was just as good as L, although what exactly this was supposed to prove Light wasn't really sure. All he knew was that he couldn't fall asleep and let L win.

The difference in time zones was messing with his internal clock though, and he was suffering from severe jet lag. His mind was slow and clouded, while his limbs fairly ached with exhaustion. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he had to wait. Once they got to the orphanage he could sleep.

Light could feel L's gaze upon him, but he paid him no mind. He wished that there was a town nearby so that they could stop and get a coffee, but it didn't seem that they were anywhere near one.

Suddenly soft music filled the car and Light glanced at L questioningly.

"I thought that the sound might help keep you awake," he offered and Light gave him a small smile in response.

"Thanks," he said, letting the foreign accents and wailing guitars fill the silence. The music wasn't bad, though it wasn't really to his tastes. He wasn't much for any kind of popular music, wasn't really much of a music fan at all, truthfully. But the strangely soothing voice calmed him and the music washed over his body like a warm blanket. It wasn't so bad, the music – familiar though. But Light didn't really care, his eyes were so heavy and burning, so he closed them. Just to rest them.

Yet again he was slipping down into the darkness and a relieved peace was settling over him, inside of him and then deep into his bones.

A second voice joined the first and Light was awake again, though his eyes remained closed.

L had a surprisingly nice voice: deeper than the singers but smoother. He sang the words of the song with ease and Light could only assume that L had listened to the song many times before.

But what really caught Light's attention was the accent. The singer was English and L sang along with a similar sound. Light hadn't noticed earlier, when they had hurried through the airport in a haze of irritated exhaustion. Light already knew that English was near the top on the list of languages L spoke so he hadn't bothered to listen to gauge L's proficiency in the language.

Now though...

Now there was a soft guitar and a gentle beat, with the melodic tones of the singer and L's deeper accompaniment, and that accent of his.

Light …well, Light loved it.

He didn't really know why he liked it so much, but it was just so charming – it was a little rough, but lilting and it gave the words a sense of grandeur that they otherwise might have lacked. And the act of the singing itself – there was something so familiar in such a common action. Sometimes it was hard to tell where L the Great Detective began and where L the man ended. It was small things like these –like singing along to a favourite song– that reminded Light that no matter how brilliant and powerful L was, he was just another human being, just like Light himself. It was even a little humbling, to be so blatantly reminded of L's humanity: after all, if L was human then Light, as his equal, was necessarily human as well.

Instead of annoying him like it once might have, it actually made Light feel a little more grounded. Amongst the endless paperwork and investigating it was easy to forget that there was an entire world that existed beyond his own small sphere; that he and L, great though they were, were nothing more than two men who often played at being gods.

It was funny, how something as simple as a song could make him feel this way – that a song could evoke such a strong reaction from him. And yet it was just a song, nothing more than words fit to music.

"I like your accent," Light murmured sleepily. His eyes were still closed, but he knew that L was smiling that secret smile that Light got to see.

"Just my accent?"

"And your voice. It's very soothing," in fact, Light was falling asleep again, barely able to speak. He couldn't even open his eyes.

"Go to sleep, Light. I won't carry you inside. I'll wake you up when we get there," Light was already drifting to sleep as L spoke.

Of course, when he awoke it was daylight and he was ensconced in a comfortable bed, undressed and warm. But when Light turned to L, the man simply bid him good morning in English, which made it hard for Light to stay mad at him.

His accent really was too much.


	34. Roads

_A/N:_ I only edited this like, once, so if there is an abundance of errors forgive me. I've been doing an insane amount of writing lately and NaNoWriMo began yesterday: it's already eating my soul. Somehow I've managed to churn out my 7000 word first chapter, and I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. If anyone else is doing it, feel free to add me as a buddy - my username there is also _samalane_.

Anyways, a short little drabble this time. I was listening to Laura Marling's _Rest in the Bed_ when I wrote this, though that isn't so important, I suppose. Only for me.

As always, thank you to the wonderful people who took the time to review! I appreciate all your comments and love any sort of feedback.

* * *

**Roads**

Light was in bed, fast asleep. L gazed upon his prone form from his perch by the window. It was almost surreal, to watch Light sleep so peacefully while L was kept awake, plagued by strange visions and an irrational fear of – _something_.

Death, perhaps.

It was strange, but L was certain that he could feel the chill of death creeping into his bones, settling into his body even before his heart stopped beating. It wasn't his intuition, per se, but it was an instinctive feeling nevertheless and L felt with absolute certainty that tomorrow was to be the day of his death.

The question was, though, whether it would be Light who killed him or someone else. Light, who was lying naked and thoroughly debauched in the bed they had shared all these long months. Light, who had given himself to L so willingly and who had managed to force his way through the barriers that had been put in place to make sure that something like this _didn't_ happen.

_Light._

L sighed gently and looked out the window and at the vibrant city beyond. In the pale light of dawn L could see the whole city and more – the distant horizon to the West and the ocean to the East, where the sun was slowly slipping up. There was so much out there – the entire world was out there beyond those shores. There was good and bad; justice and injustice; life and death. L had wanted to see the world.

Light murmured in his sleep and shifted a little. For an absurd moment L toyed with the idea of packing him and Light into a car and running away together – any road, every road, as long as it was one that took them far, far away.

But that was impossible. Light would want him dead, even if he had cried while they made love for the last time.

If that wasn't evidence of Light's guilt, then L wasn't sure what was.

L wondered if he would die in the very bed Light was sleeping in, wondered if it were to become a bed of bones. He wondered how much it would hurt and if it would at all. He was certain that Light – Kira – would kill him with a heart attack. It was only appropriate.

Light sighed and rolled over so that he was facing L. His palm lay outside the covers, outstretched and facing up as if in invitation. Slowly, Light's eyes flickered open and for a few moments he stared at L, unseeing.

"…L, what are you doing?" he asked in a low murmur. L savored the sound of his voice before glancing back out the window.

"Did you know, Light, that all I've ever wanted was a home?" he asked casually, conversationally. He didn't need to turn around to know that Light's brow was furrowing in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, darling," he said in English.

"Hmm …come back to bed. I'm cold," L smiled a little at Light's whining and obeyed, turning from the windows and crawling back onto the bed. He settled himself on his back and Light snuggled up to his side, burying his face in the junction where L's neck met his shoulder. L slid an arm under Light and around his shoulders, where he gently caressed the soft skin of Light's back.

"It's you and I until the end, Light," he whispered, English again, the words slipping from his lips like water.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep," Light hummed again and quickly fell back asleep. L, however, remained awake and watched as the sun rose and gradually illuminated the room.

This was the path they had taken; this was the road that L had chosen.

And now the end was beginning.


	35. Hunger

_A/N:_ Well, NaNoWriMo and Skyrim have been taking up pretty much all of my free time, so just a short one this time.

I like this one, but I'd still like to hear from you! Review please~

* * *

**Hunger**

Light stared at the small silver phone that he had set in front of himself on the bed.

It was some time after midnight and the house was silent. Light was certain that he was the only person awake – the rest of his family woke up early in the mornings and went to bed hours ago.

They wouldn't be bothered by Light though, who often found himself awake well into the night; he had often stayed up late in high school, enamored with hacking and completely distracted by the fun it presented and he had never heard any complaints from his parents. Although it had never been like this – since sharing a bedroom with L, Light had found that his sleep patterns had been completely messed up. When Light had been forced to stay awake because of L's insomnia, he had often lamented the lack of sleep and wished he could go to bed at a regular hour. And now he was up all night and into the wee hours of the morning.

It was funny, he thought, how even now L was keeping him from sleep; although L was somewhere on the other side of the world doing god-knew-what and was therefore completely unaware of the problems he had inflicted upon Light.

Well, okay, Light knew where he was (Russia) and what he was doing (looking into a string of gang related murders) but that didn't keep Light from feeling any less …anxious.

No, not anxious. He wasn't anxious, it was something else – something that was gnawing away at him and making him feel rather …despondent.

He hated to say loneliness, but Light had a feeling that that was probably the case. How he had come to be so dependent on L's strange companionship he had no idea, but there it was.

L had kept in touch after leaving Japan, for reasons Light truly could not begin to fathom, but lately his messages had been fewer and his phone calls a distant memory. Light knew that L was a busy man and didn't have time to place the emotions of his – friend? – before his work, but it still irked him. Not the fact that L wasn't keeping up a regular correspondence with him (though admittedly it made him feel …lonely), but that he himself cared so much about the lack of communication.

Which led to his current dilemma: he had thought to call L himself – something he hadn't yet done – but had been unable to pick up his phone and dial the numbers. It was just too embarrassing, too clingy, too _desperate_, he told himself. Light Yagami wasn't desperate. He was just…

What? Bored – lonely? He felt strange, almost distanced from the rest of the world. There was nobody he really wanted to spend time with, nobody who could sate his desire for stimulating conversation and to distract him from the strange hollow feeling he felt in his chest. All he really wanted was L's company – hell, even a conversation would help satisfy that strange longing that was driving him _insane_.

But it was too …much. It was too much to call L, who would know right away that Light was lonely and wanted his company. If L were to know that then he would be aware of too much; and there was so much that he couldn't know, so much that Light couldn't admit – not even to himself. No, he was being stupid, sitting here and staring at his phone like it was about to come alive. He was wasting time – better to forget about the damn phone call and go to sleep. He didn't want to be a nuisance and he certainly didn't want to give L the wrong impression – not when he was already privy to so many of Light's secrets! There was no need to let him in on any more–

Light's heart jumped into his throat as his phone began to vibrate and the display lit up. A rush of adrenaline flooded his veins and he had to suck in a deep breath to steady himself.

'_Calm down, just calm down. It could be anybody…'_ Although he was fairly certain that there wasn't anybody _other_ than L who would call him at this time of flipped open his phone and held it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"_Ah, Light-kun. I had hoped you were still awake,"_ Light felt a little dizzy and had to lie back on his bed as his heart began to pound against his ribcage.

"Oh, Ryuzaki. I was thinking about calling you," Light cringed. Why did he say that? That was too much. "Uh, anyways. What's up?" he hated how young and immature he sounded, but his brain wasn't working properly and for some reason his vocabulary had shrunk drastically.

"_Hmm? Nothing of importance. To be honest, I just wanted to talk tonight, if that is okay with Light-kun,"_ Light smiled up at his ceiling and laughed a little.

It was strange, how that hollow ache, how that _hunger_ had disappeared as soon as he heard L's voice.

"Yeah, that's alright with me,"

It was strange how comforting it was to hear L speak again.


	36. Reciprocity

****_A/N:_ So I've just technically finished NaNoWriMo (I hit the 50000 mark, although my story is far from being finished) so I thought I'd take a break and treat myself to some fanfiction.

I really like this chapter - I thought it was simple but fun. I am a huge fan of fluffy socks, if that much wasn't clear. I have quite the collection.

Thank you so much to the people who reviewed the last few chapters - I've said it before, but your words really mean a lot to me. I like to hear what people have to say, whether it be praise or constructive criticism. So keep the reviews coming and tell me how I'm doing!

Enjoy~

* * *

**Reciprocity**

It was so nice to be home, L thought cheerfully as he entered the condominium lobby. In the past he had never really cared where he was – the only place he had considered a home was Wammy's which, despite its familiarity and comfort, was not _his_ home. It was a place he had called home, but not a place that he considered to _be home_; it hadn't been a place he looked forward to returning to after long trips. Not like the penthouse he shared with one Light Yagami.

Ah, yes. _That_ was home, to be sure.

Home was where Light was.

And Light was currently residing in the topmost floor of the condo, doing whatever it was he did while L was away and L was eagerly climbing into the elevator, hitting the buttons and watching the doors slide shut in anticipation.

Light didn't know he was back: he was actually supposed to return tomorrow afternoon, but in a fit of spontaneity L tied up the necessary loose ends of the case he had been working on and left the rest to the very capable Russian authorities. He had been gone for just over two weeks and was very anxious to return to Light, whom he had left in London.

It was supposed to have been a short trip, just a few days. Had he known otherwise he most definitely would have dragged Light along, as it had been dull and boring without anybody to keep him entertained during slow points in the case.

The numbers above the doors slowly lit in sequential order as the elevator slid upwards and L allowed himself a brief smile. How nice it would be to sneak in on Light and surprise him! It would be so satisfying to see him mid-whatever it was he did while L was away. Cleaning, most likely – or perhaps reading? When Light was away L always indulged in his sweet tooth: upon returning Light would always find him amongst various wrappers and dishes and although he was always irritated by the mess he never neglected to tease L about his 'comfort eating'. No matter how many times L told him that he just enjoyed gorging himself on sweets without Light's annoying nagging, Light chose to believe that he dealt with Light's absence through food.

In reality, L dealt with Light's absence by irritating said man through inappropriate text messages and emails full of spam.

With a cheerful ding that annoyed Light to no end (_'Why is it so loud? Does it need to be that loud? I don't need to listen to this fucking bullshit first thing in the morning when all I want to do is get a coffee because you broke the coffee machine,')_ the elevator reached its destination and the doors slid open to reveal an elegant foyer. L crossed the small landing and quietly swiped his card in the slot. With a barely audible click the door opened and L gently pushed it inwards, hoping that he would actually catch Light unawares and really surprise him; or possibly even scare him, if he was lucky. That was always the best.

The sounds he heard upon entering the apartment were shocking and confusing. Of all things, he had certainly never expected to hear the familiar accent of a certain woman in a rather familiar movie that L was almost positive was labeled as a 'chick flick'. He wondered if Light had a friend over, but then remembered that Light had no friends, so this was therefore impossible.

The only conclusion was that Light was, indeed, watching a romantic comedy. That or it was on the television that Light hadn't bothered to turn off while he did …something else.

Light's familiar laughter rang out into the hall and L was forced to realize that Light was watching possibly his least favourite movie in the entire world. L didn't even particularily like movies, it was just that Mello had gone through a phase and insisted that L watch this particular one with him.

Light's chuckles died down and L slowly crept into the hall, quietly shutting the door behind him. He toed off his sneakers and began to sneak towards the living room. There was a crinkling noise and for one crazy moment L thought that Light had broken into his candy stash, which was unacceptable. Light shouldn't even know about it! L had hidden it away so that nobody, not even Mello when he was cranky and in desperate need of a pick-me-up, could find it.

He peeked around the corner and found his worries needless. Light was just indulging in a bag of chips.

L stared.

He knew Light occasionally liked to treat himself, but he had never seen the younger man like this, ensconced on the couch and working through an entire bag all at once.

It was cute.

It was _so_ cute.

Especially because Light was wearing one of L's old hooded sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants. And L couldn't help but notice that adorning Light's feet was a pair of fluffy blue socks that Sayu had sent him for Christmas a few months prior; Light had cringed and declared he was giving them to charity, but it seemed as though he had kept them after all. L didn't know why he bothered with the pretense, because he knew all about Light's collection of fluffy socks and honestly had nothing negative to say about it: L was a man who valued comfort and although he hated socks he had to admit that the fluffy ones Light owned were really quite nice on cold nights. When Light was away and couldn't see him.

Yes, it was _supremely_ cute, how Light was sitting there with his hair all mussed and looking as comfy as possible in those baggy clothes and fluffy socks. It was too bad L was going to ruin his fun, as he watched Light bite into a chip and finally spoke up.

"And Light-kun says _I_ eat away my loneliness with junk food,"

The result was spectacular.

Light whipped his head to the entrance and choked when he saw L standing there. L watched with mild concern as Light began hacking and trying to clear his throat. Coughing rather violently, Light reached for his glass of water and gulped it down, panting when he was finished.

"You son of a bitch! That chip cut my fucking throat!" Ah yes, it was so nice to be home.

"I am sorry, Light-kun. I was only hoping to avenge myself and the cake I lost every time you've barged in on me,"

"Ugh, god, cake isn't _sharp_ like chips are! You probably waited until I was chewing, didn't you?" L did, but he figured it wasn't prudent to admit this.

"Of course not, I was just so shocked that while Light-kun accuses me of comforting myself through food he does the exact same while I am away," L eyed the television with distaste. "Apparently he also likes to watch romantic comedies. I had no idea," Light flushed and L was extremely pleased with himself. _One for one!_

"I …it's the only thing on," Light said feebly. L raised his eyebrows and slouched further into the room.

"Ah, really? Even though we have over nine hundred channels at Light-kun's assistance?" Light turned his nose up and set the chips aside, crossing his arms and tucking his feet under him. "Light-kun shouldn't bother hiding his feet, I've already seen the socks, which, by the way, are ones your sister gave you for Christmas,"

"I couldn't just throw away my sister's gift," Light muttered. L smirked and sat down heavily beside Light, who looked reluctant to make room for him. "I thought you were supposed to be back tomorrow night, how come you're here today?"

"I wanted to surprise Light-kun!"

"Well, you surprised me," Light said darkly, with a glare that lacked its usual heat. L almost smiled. Light was happy to see him.

"Light-kun, you have done a poor job welcoming me! I haven't even had my 'welcome home' kiss yet!" Light rolled his eyes, but his lips were beginning to turn up and he leant over and into L, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss. L grabbed a hold of him and deepened it; Light made a small noise in the back of his throat and L wondered if he could persuade Light to take a bath with him. He'd probably agree if L offered to add that strange eucalyptus scent he liked so much.

They broke apart and Light smiled at L, his eyes clear and bright.

"Welcome home," he murmured. L smiled back.

"Your breath is terrible! You shouldn't eat so many chips, Light-kun!"

L ended up on the floor nursing a bruised cheek, but the look on Light's face had been well worth it.


	37. Kind

_A/N:_ Wow, over a month since my last update. What can I say, I finished nano and then Christmas happened, and somehow I managed to keep myself incredibly busy. In between baking and wrapping and shopping I had little time for much else.

I hope everybody had a nice Christmas and wish everyone a happy new year! this will be my last update for 2011. I think my goal will be to finish this sat some point in 2012. Preferably sooner than later.

* * *

**Kind**

"I don't want to be Kira,"

It is a usual night for them: L is propped up against the pillows, reading Dostoevsky by the light of his bedside lamp, while Light is curled up under the covers and watching him read, unable to fall asleep. Although Light has awoken to find L deeply asleep and sprawled out across the bed, he has never seen the other man fall asleep – it is always Light who succumbs to exhaustion first. Light is willing to bet anything that it is because L doesn't trust him and wants to minimize any vulnerability Light might be presented with.

L spares him a glance before returning to his book.

"That is unfortunate, because I am almost certain that Light-kun was Kira,"

"But I'm not anymore," Light insists, and L shrugs carelessly.

"No, but the memories are somewhere inside of you and one day you are going to find them. What will happen then? Will Light Yagami be able to keep a hold of his mind, or will Kira regain control?" Light shivers underneath the blankets.

"He couldn't – he can't! _I'm_ Light Yagami, and I'm disgusted by what Kira is doing! How could I be him?" The truth is that they've had this conversation at least a dozen times, and L's responses never change.

"I do not know, Light-kun. Perhaps something happened to corrupt your values, or perhaps you are mentally ill. I do not know what caused the gaps in your memory, nor do I know why your personality changed so dramatically during your confinement. What I do know is that Light-kun was at one point Kira, and that while you are not currently acting as him, it is likely you will regain those missing memories,"

Light wishes bitterly that he had never mentioned the blanks in his memory.

"I don't want to be Kira," he says morosely.

"I am sorry, but I cannot change the truth," L says simply, and suddenly Light is sitting up, rage and anger and _fear_ coursing through him like fire and he wants to hit L, he is so mad.

"Doesn't it bother you? Do you even care? I don't even remember doing any of these crimes - I _hate_ Kira! I don't want to be him! I _can't_ be him! What if you're wrong, L? What if you're wrong?" Light demands, knocking the book out of his hands out. L regards Light with an infuriatingly calm look before responding.

"I am not wrong,"

"How can you say that? Look at me!" L does and for a moment Light almost doesn't know what to say. "I am not a killer! I couldn't – I could never do something like this - "

"Light-kun needs to stop lying to himself," L interrupts. "Because you know that you are perfectly capable of this and you know as well as I do that you were desperate enough to do something like this. It's funny, isn't it, how the boy with the perfect life and perfect family has so much going for him, but at the same time he has _nothing_," this hits too close to home and Light closes his eyes desperately, as though L will go away if he can't see him.

"You know that you are misanthropic, narcissistic, and even sociopathic. You know that you have the genius to create an elaborate plan like this and you know that you are power-hungry enough to want more. Because nothing is ever enough for someone like you," Light knows that his shoulders are trembling with repressed grief and that there are tears running down his face, but he can't do anything except curl into himself and cover his face with his hands.

"I know that you know this, Light," L says quietly, his voice close to Lights ear. "Because had I lived a normal life, I would have turned out just like you," L tugs one hand away from his face and Light looks at him through blurry eyes.

"I don't want it to be true," he whispers. L rests a thin hand on Light's face and brushes some of his tears away with his thumb.

"I know that. But it is true,"

Light clenches his eyes shut again and feels his whole body teem with despair. He doesn't want to be Kira, he doesn't, he _doesn't_ –

And then he's being pulled into a rough embrace and suddenly his face is pressed up against L's chest. Light blinks in astonishment and reflexively curls his hands into the fabric of L's shirt.

"I am sorry, Light," L says softly. "I truly am – that you suffered as you have; that things have turned out like this,"

"I don't want to be Kira," Light repeats dully, like a broken record.

"I know," L says, and when Light looks up at him, there is a kindness in his eyes that Light has never seen before. An understanding and sympathy that Light has never been offered and it is almost too much, to know that someone understands –

"Try to sleep, Light-kun. You are exhausted right now, and you will feel better in the morning,"

"Stay here then," Light mutters. L says nothing but turns away; for a moment Light thinks that he's going to be left alone again, but all L does is move his book to the nightstand and flick off the lamp before turning back to Light and awkwardly holding his arms open.

But Light accepts the invitation and all but throws himself at L, seeking the human contact he so desperately craves. L allows Light to cuddle up to him and although he is tense at first, Light can feel him relaxing as the minutes pass. Light himself is already falling asleep and although he knows that nothing has been resolved, he feels a little better, having seen the kindness that L is capable of.

"If you cannot remember," L says softly. "If you never remember - there are other ways to redeem your sins,"

It is only a little thing, whispered words in the middle of the night, but it's enough.

"Thank you," Light sighs.

For the moment, it is enough.


	38. Fruity

_A/N: I write a lot about sleep. Probably because I'm half asleep when I write. _

_As usual, thank you for the kind reviews!_

* * *

**Fruity**

L looks exhausted; the bags under his eyes look worse than ever, with his eyes half shut and glazed over. It's obvious that he doesn't even comprehend whatever it is he's currently reading and I have to wonder why he hasn't given up and gone to sleep yet.

"You should probably sleep," I offer. L glances over at me with weary eyes and shrugs.

"I do not sleep well, Light-kun,"

This makes me laugh.

"I kind of figured that much, you know. But you should at least lie down in bed - maybe sleep will come to you while you're warm and comfortable," L looks dubious.

"It is likely that I will just end up frustrated, Light-kun. I have tried many things to aid my sleep, and very few work,"

I scoff.

"Come now, you have to sleep at some point! You would die if you never slept! At the rate you're going you'll just as likely pass out from exhaustion," L shrugs again and takes a moment to rub his eyes.

"That is usually what happens," he says, almost sheepishly. I stare at him.

"...That's it. You're coming to bed. What will happen if you pass out in front of the task force, hmm? You'll make a fool out of yourself and you'll damage your own authority!"

L heaves a great sigh and looks at me with resignation in his eyes.

"I suppose Light-kun is right; I do not wish to give the men any more ammunition to use against me," Somehow, this feels like a major victory, so I smile at him.

"At least your body will be resting, if not your mind," I say by way of consolation. L heaves another sigh but nods.

"I suppose so. Who knows, perhaps tonight will be my lucky night and I will finally be able to sleep,"

"Maybe," I say in agreement. In all honesty I do think that he'll fall asleep quite quickly. Maybe it's because he can't see himself, but he looks like he's dead on his feet; his exhaustion is almost palpable and I find myself feeling tired just looking at him.

I have never seen L sleep, though I know he must, so it stands to say that I have never seen him in sleepwear; he undresses though and pulls on a pair of sweatpants he takes from the wardrobe. With those on he makes his way over to the bed and climbs on, grabbing the loose handcuff and snapping it back over his wrist.

I feel like he needs some moral support, so I smile encouragingly.

"Once you lay down I'm sure you'll fall asleep," I assure him. L shrugs and scratches his head before surprising the both of us with a huge yawn.

"Maybe. I fear the last time I properly slept was before this case began and I was visiting home," he admits. I stare at him.

How surreal, to hear something so ordinary from someone so extraordinary.

"Hmm. Is there anything I can do to help? Something that will make this place seem a little more like home?" for some reason, this makes L look a little flustered. He hums a little before reaching over to turn off his bedside lamp. I follow suit and slide down under the covers, waiting for him to do the same.

"Ah, well, perhaps your presence will be enough, Light-kun," he says, almost awkwardly. I frown a little.

"Okay?"

L doesn't elaborate and just slips under the covers with me. We lay there in silence, and I find myself becoming hyper aware of his presence next to me, the faint heat of his body and the way the blankets raise and fall with each inhalation and exhalation of his breath.

What did he mean, by my presence being enough? It almost sounds like he's used to sleeping with other people in bed with him -

Oh.

"Oh,"

"Yes?"

Now I'm embarrassed, thinking about the people he's gone to bed with and if he wishes I would do the same for him. I know that sex often helps people sleep, and L has likely had at least a few sexual partners, so I suppose that it makes sense for an insomniac like him to turn to such methods...

But it's still a little embarrassing, to know that he would sleep better if I were to have sex with him. And if I'm honest with myself, the idea isn't an unappealing one, but rather, one that I've considered a few times now.

I suppose ...if he wanted to. I would be willing.

"Ah …when you say my presence should be enough," I begin hesitantly. In the dim light I can see him turn his head to look at me. Feeling a little self-conscious, I roll over onto my side facing him and curl into myself.

"Is this enough?" I ask. L is silent for a moment and I know that he's considering my words and constructing an appropriate response.

"In all honesty, I do not think so," he admits slowly. I close my eyes and try to ignore the heat rising in my face. I've done this before, there's no need to act so shy and hesitant.

" ...You can …do more, if you'd like,"

Again, L is silent for a time. My entire face starts to burn and I wish I had just rolled the other way and fallen asleep because I don't think I've ever been in such a humiliating position before. But just as I begin to debate turning over and pretending like I hadn't said anything, L winds his arms around me and moves in closer.

"Um,"

"I sleep better holding someone," L admits, rushed this time, like he wants to get it over with as fast as possible. My eyes snap open and I crane my neck to try to look at him. He's staring down at me, his eyes glittering in the faint light coming in through the curtains.

"You just ...want to hold me?"

"Ah, yes, if that does not bother Light-kun," I can't help but laugh a little.

"Uh, no, it's okay," L slips an arm underneath my neck and drapes the other over my waist, so close to my hip that it makes me feel a little nervous. I gingerly place one arm over him and curl up a little closer so we're not stretching towards one another.

"Light-kun thought I was talking about sex," L says quietly. I feel my face heat up again and do my best to keep eye contact with him.

"Of course not!"

"Perhaps another time, Light-kun. Tonight I am far to exhausted to do anything requiring physical activity," L gently plays with the hair at the nape of my neck and I fall silent, considering his words.

"You would sleep with me?"

"We are currently falling asleep in the same bed, Light-kun," I frown and pinch him.

"You know what I meant. You would have sex with me?" L sighs.

"Perhaps. If you were willing and I was certain that you are not Kira,"

This is news to me. L says nothing more and I enjoy the feeling of him playing with my hair, even as his movements become slower and more sluggish. He would have sex with me, if I were willing. And I am willing.

So now all I need to do is convince him of my innocence. It's a nice goal to work towards, and I decide that the moment we find evidence of my innocence I will hold him to this.

"Light-kun smells fruity," L observes, his voice barely a whisper. I smile a little and hum in recognition.

"It's the body wash my father picked up for me - he accidentally grabbed my sisters," I explain.

"Hmm, it smells nice," he sighs. I can't help but smile at this. I have never heard him like this, so rough and tired. It's actually comforting, to know that underneath all of the masks he wears, L is just as human as I am.

The hand in my hair feels wonderful, and the gentle motions lull me into a state of half awareness; it takes me a while to notice when L's hand stops moving entirely and that his breathing has become deep and steady. I open my own eyes, which are quite heavy and see that his are closed.

I smile.

"Sleep well," I whisper, settling back down into the bed and L's embrace.

It seems almost insignificant, but the change in the air is unmistakable. Tomorrow, there will be questions to ask and answers to avoid, but for now, this is good enough.


	39. Halflife

****_A/N: So consider this a continuation of chapter 13 (We all float on), with maybe a few years time skip. I had more to say but I've forgotten, as my best friend just informed me she is coming out to the city with her mother just DAYS after my birthday! Needless to say there will be drinking and plenty of shopping. _

_Please review! I love to hear from you!_

* * *

**Half-life**

"So how has Light-kun been?" You ask me, dark eyes wide as you lift a cup of tea to your lips and take a sip in that naturally delicate way of yours. I politely swallow my own tea before answering.

"Oh, fine, I suppose," You don't look very convinced and I'm secretly sort of glad about that. I like it when you pester me with questions and demand the answers. It feels like you really care and it's nice to tell somebody about the woes of my life, such as they are.

"Light-kun does not sound exceptionally happy about the state of his life," Is your astute observation and I smile into my tea.

"Well, I suppose it's about the same as ever. You know, drifting through classes and whatnot," I reply vaguely, hoping to keep you interested. It works, I think, as I watch your eyebrows draw together slightly, creating a tiny crease between them. I find that I'm tempted to smooth away the line and promptly fold my hands around the warm porcelain teacup.

"It seems that you are being purposely cryptic," I allow you to see this smile and add in a cheesy wink for good measure.

"I like the attention," I admit, but it seems as though it was the wrong thing to say because now you're frowning and I wonder if I've offended you somehow.

Silence descends upon us for a few moments, and you drink your tea in steady intervals. The noise of general conversation and movement swells over our silent bubble and presses in until it feels as though it is about to burst and spill all over us.

"I like it, from you," I blurt out desperately, unable to stand the silence any longer. You look surprised but don't say anything, so I take that as my cue to continue. "Your attention. Most people drown me out, you know, when I talk to them," Surprise again. "I mean, they act as though they pay a lot of attention, but I can tell that they're intimidated. They focus more on me than my conversation. It's kind of lonely, I guess, when people don't carry proper conversations with you,"

"So you try to draw out conversation between us in order to prolong the experience of having a proper conversation?" You're dead right, of course, and the change in your speech patterns makes me smile; I can tell that you're completely engaged in conversation with me now.

"Yes," Unfortunately I have nothing more to elaborate upon, leaving you responsible for the next move.

Another short silence, this one not as heavy. You sip your sweet tea and gaze at me for a few moments; I enjoy the feel of your dark eyes analyzing me and give myself up to it.

"You seem generally unhappy, Light," No 'kun' this time, so you must be serious. I raise my eyebrows at you and take a deliberate sip of tea.

"…I guess I am," I reply eventually, after another couple minutes of staring and this time you smile, though it's a little sad.

"Tell me why," I like that, _tell me why_. Nobody ever asks me that and I find that I really like it, even love it. Nobody wants me to tell him or her anything; they just want me to listen. That isn't the case with you though.

"Well, like I said, I'm kind of lonely," This doesn't embarrass me, not when I say it to you. Somehow I know that you understand what I'm saying perfectly. "People don't really understand me, you know? I feel sort of alienated from everyone else my age – did you know I'm campus famous? All of the seniors know of me by name, and all of the freshmen are told about me within the first week. All these people admire me and compliment me but nobody is interested in knowing me," You nod, your cup of tea held still in your hands. Mine is growing cold on the table but I find I'm more interested in talking than drinking right now.

"So I don't really have any friends, no one to really talk to. And then the classes themselves are, well, boring. There are a few talented professors, but the material is kind of boring – and easy. I thought university might be a little more challenging, but I obviously thought wrong," I laugh, but it's a little strained and I'm certain you see right through me.

"And don't get me wrong, I admire the NPA and all of the work my father and his colleagues do, but I seriously can't imagine myself working as a police officer. I don't want a nine to five job, or a wife and kids. I don't want that dull commute to work every morning and back home every evening! I don't want to settle for something because I'm too …scared. Too scared to try for more. I don't like the direction I see my life headed in, and it's …well. It's depressing," I'm whispering now and you look seriously concerned. My hands are folded together on the dark wood of the table and suddenly you reach forwards, placing one of your pale hands on top mine. Your hands are very large, with long, slender fingers. They're pianist's hands, flattened at the tips from the continual typing on a keyboard, I'd imagine.

"Light, you have no reason to fear anything, you know. There is so much you could do," Those words, coming from you, make me want to cry. But we're in public so I force myself to remain composed.

"It just – I hate it. Living this sort of half-life, without ever knowing where I'm going to end up. I feel so useless," This is a huge act of trust on my part, telling you this, but I can't look up to see your reaction because I'm still blinking furiously and desperately trying to pretend you haven't nearly reduced me to tears.

"Listen to me, Light," your voice is low and deep, urgent. I nod to show I'm listening, but a sudden hand tilts my chin so that I'm looking right at you and you smile at me, which is rare because you don't smile often.

"Remember when we first met? How you felt then?" Of course I remember, and I tell you as much.

"Things will get better, Light," I shiver at the emphasis you place on my name and shake my head slowly.

"You told me that nearly three years ago, Ryuzaki. And things haven't gotten much better," You smile strangely at this and I wonder what's amused you. Then I realize what I've implied.

"I mean – things have gotten better! I met you," This is awkward and just a little painful for me to say, but you accept it with a gracious nod.

"And I met you. I was like you once, Light. I just happened to find something to devote myself to. But even that was a fairly lonely existence," I'm dying to ask what it was you devoted yourself to, but I know the rules: ask no questions and receive no lies. You'll tell me when you're ready. "Meeting you has positively influenced my own life, Light. I was very bored before that night I met you in the park; you've become a valuable part of my life," I think I actually blush as you say this, but I'm ridiculously happy. My heartbeat picks up and I can't help but smile at you. You smile back, and suddenly I feel like everything might be okay after all, as lonely and boring as it is between the times I speak with you.

"Perhaps we should begin emailing each other as well, so that we may keep in touch more often," You suggest, finishing the remains of your tea, and I can't keep myself from grinning excitedly.

"That would be nice," It's an understatement, but I think you understand.

I know you understand.


	40. Comedy of Errors

****_A/N: I kind of failed on the comedy front on this one - my idea was that Light was terrified of thunderstorms and L, while attempting to make him feel better was only exacerbating the problem. I suppose L isn't helpful in the beginning but, well, he certainly is by the end._

_Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. _

_As usual, please read and review!_

* * *

**Comedy of Errors**

It was always a humbling experience to be reminded that Light Yagami was human – an eighteen year-old human, at that. L found that it was easy to forget Light was really still just a child, what with his unshakable confidence, relentless arrogance and awe-inspiring intelligence. Furthermore, L found that when presented with Light's humanity L himself was forced to acknowledge that he, too, was human, and in the end not so very different from Light himself.

It was little things, like when Light yawned and how the force of it brought tears to his eyes; or perhaps the way he whined when L woke him up in the mornings; even the soft sigh of contentment he'd unwittingly make as he took his first sip of coffee. It was these small actions that reminded him that Light was human, and it was these actions that forced L to realize Light probably noticed L's own habits and felt the same way.

Then there were other things that forced L remember that Light, despite his maturity, was still just a teenager: how easily he angered and how quick he was to defend himself; how he smiled when he spoke to his mother and sister over the phone and sighed when he ended the call; how he would sometimes sit close enough to L so that their knees or elbows knocked together in a subtle attempt for physical comfort.

It was strange to realize that Light was only human and that he, like everyone else – indeed, like L himself – had his moments of weakness.

It was even stranger to discover Light's biggest fear.

* * *

They had retired early for once at Light's insistence. L had given the boy a onceover and decided that he could probably use the rest – he had looked terrible, with circles under his eyes and his skin unusually pale. Light's face was thin and L thought that he might have been working him a bit too hard. So he had agreed to retire early and decided that both of them could use a night off from the case.

Light had promptly taken advantage of the situation and had declared that he was having a bath – without L sitting on the countertop. There had been a bit of an argument over the chain and limitations, but L had eventually agreed that Light could take the chain off as long as he left the bathroom door open. L alerted Watari and made sure that the room was locked, just in case Light decided to make a break for it. Nothing of the sort happened though. Light simply beamed and thanked him sincerely before turning on the water.

That had been thirty-seven minutes ago. L was currently sprawled across their bed, aimlessly surfing the internet and talking to Mello over a private instant messaging system. Besides his initial sigh of ecstasy, Light had been virtually silent as he lounged in the bath. L had arranged himself so he could see the back of Light's head and keep watch, just in case anything happened.

A faint rumble interrupted the comfortable silence and L looked over to the window. He couldn't see much of the sky, but a local news channel had mentioned that there were to be thunderstorms that evening. It wasn't much of a concern, as L had reinforced the building in every way possible, but it would be a pain if the lights were to go out or the internet went down.

"Was that thunder?"

L lifted his eyes to Light's still form and hummed.

"I believe so,"

Light hummed back at him and said nothing else. A few moments later a deeper rumble rolled across the sky and L found himself smiling a little. He quite enjoyed thunderstorms.

"Light-kun, I do believe that that was thunder,"

Light sighed.

"It was, wasn't it?" L didn't bother with an answer but listened interestedly as Light moved around. "Oi, pervert, stop watching me. I want to get out,"

"I've seen you naked many times now. You shouldn't be so shy,"

Light huffed.

"You're so weird, "

L sighed dramatically and told Mello he'd be back in a moment. He slithered off of the bed and slouched over to the balcony. L slid the door open and grinned a little at the wind that had picked up.

"Ah, Light-kun, it seems as though there is going to be a storm tonight," It was difficult to keep the excitement from leaking into his voice and L walked further out onto the balcony, inhaling deeply. He could smell the rain on the wind.

"What the hell are you doing? Close the door at least!" Light snapped as he exited the bathroom, dressed in nothing but a pair of loose sweatpants and toweling his hair dry. L took a moment to appreciate the view before smirking.

"Why? Is Light-kun afraid of thunderstorms?" Light snorted.

"Of course not. It's going to rain soon though and then you'll get the carpet all wet,"

L turned away and rolled his eyes.

Light was such a nag.

There was a sudden burst of lightning and L actually laughed in surprise – seconds later the sky exploded with thunder and L smiled up at the dark sky. The wind howled around him and whipped his hair about his face. He felt the thunder resonate deep within his body and closed his eyes.

It was exhilarating; the way the thunder resonated deep within his body and how the wind carried the scent of the oncoming store. It made him remember his own mortality.

"_L!_ Come back inside, for fuck's sake!" Light sounded a little distressed and L turned around to address him properly.

His eyes were wide and he looked almost frightened. L wondered if he was truly concerned about the carpet or if he had lied about being afraid of thunderstorms.

Lightning lit up the sky and illuminated Light's face for a brief second before more thunder cracked across the sky and Light visibly flinched.

"Light-kun, are you afraid?" L asked again. Light snarled.

"_No!_ Just get in here before you get soaked!" Sure enough, a raindrop landed on his nose. Another quickly followed it and L could feel them hitting his back.

With a sigh, L made his way back inside and shut the doors behind him. He looked at Light, who was watching him with barely concealed apprehension.

"I'm going to put the chain back on now," L announced. Light nodded and walked over to their shared dresser; he pulled open the top drawer and pulled out a tee shirt. L sighed again as Light pulled the shirt over his head and hid his torso from L's view. He shut the drawer and held his wrist out to L, who grabbed the handcuff and snapped it around Light's wrist.

"I'm going to read for a while," Light said. L shrugged.

"Okay,"

Light sat down on his side of the bed and grabbed his current book from the nightstand. He opened it to the place he had marked and began reading. L flopped onto the bed and resumed his previous position before opening the laptop back up and continuing his conversation with Mello.

There was more lightning and continual thunder; Light flinched when the noise was especially loud, but otherwise seemed entirely absorbed in his book. L watched him out of the corner of his eye.

He was really quite agitated, it seemed – L was almost certain that Light's unease stemmed from the current storm. L thought about Mello and remembered how the boy used to sneak into his room on stormy nights, demanding to cuddle. Mello hadn't liked storms much either and L wondered if he was still afraid of them.

The carried on in silence for a while, with Light reading and L typing, until there was a particularly long bout of lightning followed by the loudest crack of thunder they had heard yet. The lights flickered before turning off completely and L heard Light make a soft noise of distress.

L started into the darkness, willing his vision to adjust faster.

"Is Light-kun alright?"

L received a strangled noise in response. He felt Light shifting around on the bed and wondered what he was trying to do. Then the blankets lifted and he guessed that Light was getting under them.

"Come now, Light-kun. This is just a moderate thunderstorm and we are really quite safe in here," L said in an attempt to soothe him. He didn't succeed.

"Shut up! I'm not afraid, I'm just tired! I'm going to sleep,"

L sighed and wondered when the power was going to turn back on. He glanced at his laptop and noticed that the internet connection had failed. _Great._

"Would Light-kun like to talk?"

"No," Light's voice was muffled by the covers and from what L could see in the dim light it seemed as though he had covered his head.

Another series of flashes lit up the room and proved his supposition true – L couldn't help but smile even as more thunder rolled into the room. He placed a hand on what he perceived to be Light's shoulder, and found that he was trembling.

The smile slid off of his face like water and for a moment L was stunned: he had simply thought that storms made Light uneasy, or perhaps a little unsettled. But it seemed as though Light was truly afraid, which caught L by surprise. Light wasn't the sort of person to be afraid of anything, though L supposed everybody had his or her fears. He himself was quite terrified of fish for no other reason other than the fact that they creeped him out.

L suppressed a shudder and refused to think about them – instead, he would focus his mind on Light, who was clearly terrified and in need of some help.

"Light-kun, it is quite obvious to me that you suffer from a debilitating fear of thunderstorms. There is no need to hide it from me, I can feel you trembling,"

"I'm not scared!" Light insisted feebly. L sighed and rubbed Light's shoulder.

"Come now, Light-kun, there is nothing wrong with fear. If anything it is a good thing, it proves that you are human,"

A moment of silence, then –

"Does that make me less likely to be Kira?" L couldn't help but smile.

"Well, I suppose it does," Light pulled back the covers and L could just make out the glitter of his eyes.

Another flash of lightning: Light winced but still looked at L, who smiled at him. The room returned to darkness and thunder boomed again. L could feel Light shaking and scooted in closer.

"What are you so afraid of?" he asked softly, Light shook his head and inched himself closer to L's leg, until his nose was brushing his thigh.

"It's stupid," Light muttered. L raised his eyebrows.

"Did something happen to you?"

Light hesitated, but nodded against L's leg. He was so close that L wondered if he wanted physical comfort. He was about to ask, but Light began speaking, haltingly.

"My cousin – we were visiting the family estate. A few of my older cousins and I stayed behind while the adults and the kids went to town. There was a storm that day,"

"How old were you?"

"Ten. But I …ah, I was always frightened by storms. I worried somebody would kill my family, you know? Because that always happened in stories and I read too much," L chuckled.

"I apologize, Light-kun. That's just…"

"Ah, I know, it's okay." Lightening again; Light was on his side, staring at L's leg. The thunder followed a few seconds later and L wondered if the storm was already passing over them.

"Anyway, my cousins were telling scary stories and eventually we got talking about the attic – it's such an old house and it's really quite creepy. We used to search for ghosts and stuff – and when it began to storm my cousins thought it would be fun to explore the attic," another shiver. "Well, we went up, but the storm got quite bad. I …didn't get along well with my cousins, to be honest. So they, ah, locked me in there when they got too scared and didn't tell anybody where I was,"

L imagined ten-year-old Light curled into a corner and shivering in fear, alone and terrified. It was crazy, but he briefly remembered hiding under a table, before a gentle voice urged him out and a woman with dark hair took him to the window and sang for him, dispelling his all of fear.

L closed his eyes and took a moment to remember the warmth of his mother's arms before opening them again and gently grasping Light's arms.

Multiple cracks of lighting lit the room and L could see the confusion and fear written across Light's face as he tugged him up into a sitting position. The thunder followed immediately after and L knew the storm was far from over.

"When I was very young, my mother had to coax me out from my hiding spots," he murmured, and he felt Light laugh in surprise.

"What?"

"I was afraid of loud noises. My mother would pull me out from closets and cupboards and sing to me while we watched the storm," he admitted, gently pulling Light against him. Light barely resisted and slumped into L's side.

"Really? That's – I can't imagine your mother,"

"Ah, well, I can barely remember her any longer. She died when I was very young,"

"…I'm sorry," L smiled.

"There is no need to apologize, Light-kun. It was a very long time ago,"

There was more thunder and Light shivered, curling in a little closer to L.

"Ah, you don't mind this, do you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Not at all,"

"Oh, that's good. It's, um …it's nice,"

And although L had begun with the intention to comfort, they remained like that long after the storm had passed, and until Light had fallen asleep on L's shoulder.

L smiled at Light, and carefully maneuvered him down onto the bed before pulling the covers back over his shoulders. He picked up his laptop and sighed happily when he noticed the internet was running and he had a multitude of messages from Mello.

L glanced at Light, who was sleeping peacefully and grinned, wondering just how embarrassed Light would be upon waking in the morning.


	41. Tragedy

**Tragedy**

* * *

_L is dead._

* * *

L had been dead for three years, two weeks and four days. Not that Light was really counting, but it was November 5th, after all, and for the first time in what felt to be far too long he had an evening to himself. It was inevitable that Light would spare a thought or two for his greatest rival. Misa had gone on a trip with friends to celebrate some new break in her modeling career; Matsuda had a date and left early for once; Aizawa wanted spend time with his wife and daughter; Mogi decided to leave early as well and Light had all but shoved his father out the door, stating that his mother and Sayu would be glad to see him.

And so Light was alone, blessedly alone, in the apartment he and Misa had gotten together. It had shocked his mother and amused Sayu when Light had announced he was moving in with the model, but his father had quietly supported him and claimed that Light had been through enough and deserved his freedom.

Light sighed and padded over to the large window in their sitting room. A large flat screen TV dominated one corner, a useless frivolity that Misa had insisted on buying even though Light had told her that they didn't need one. He glared at it, suddenly annoyed by Misa's useless spending. The girl was stupid, he thought angrily, resisting the urge to kick the leather sofa. She may have made good money and Light in turn may have been pretty well provided for, but it was the concept that bothered him; much like everything else about the inane woman.

_Annoying_. Every night she whined and pleaded with him to have sex with her; every so often he gave in and let her do whatever she pleased, provided she did all of the work. He hated it – hated seeing her face and her breasts and her soft curves; hated seeing himself disappearing into her. Sometimes, sometimes, when he actually felt the rare urge to fuck her he took her from behind. It was a bit easier that way, when he wasn't looking her in the face. That way he didn't feel so guilty.

_Hah_.

Light huffed under his breath. Guilt – there was no guilt. So he might have gone to the seedier parts of town looking to be fucked every once in a while, but – well, he liked men too. Was there a problem with devoting himself to a woman who would not leave him alone and having better sex on the side? As far as he could tell, Misa was happy, so what was the problem?

_Light-kun._

Well. It might have been the fact that sometimes, sometimes he could hear L calling his name lowly, just like he used to when they would sit side-by-side while working to capture Kira, the length of the chain coiled haphazardly between them.

It was eerie to hear that deep voice in his ear at times when he least expected it. Sometimes when he was doing research and looking at data he would jump, the taskforce would stare and he would pass it off as a shiver. The worst was right as he was drifting off to sleep, when a low muttering began in his ear and suddenly L was speaking to him again and whispering to him again –

_Light-kun._

Sometimes Light would get tired, so tired. It was hard to keep working when melancholy fell over him and all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and try to stop thinking about L. Some nights all he could see was L – L as he glanced at him, smirked at him, outright laughed at him. Other times when L sent those secretive, sly smiles at him; the pure joy he had expressed the first time Light relented and had a bite of his cake; the intense expression of his face as he loomed over Light, thrusting in and out until Light couldn't even think or see anything but _L_.

It wasn't often that Light had the chance to sit down and remember L as anything other than his enemy. He didn't like to – he had been weak without his memories and he had allowed his loneliness to drag him into a compromising and unorthodox siruation. It was a miracle that L had died at all, what with the feelings he had once held for him.

Light wondered if he had ever allowed himself to sit and remember L as he currently was; he had certainly never felt such intense loneliness and sorrow before. He looked out at the twinkling lights of the city and felt his eyes sting with sudden, agonizing emotion.

_Why_? L was gone and Light had won – but Light wasn't happy, he had never been happy. And with a sinking feeling he realized that he was never going to be happy. He had made a grave mistake in killing L; had made a mistake in picking up that stupid notebook. It was tiring, playing God to the rest of the world, always plotting and analyzing and _faking_.

Light felt burning liquid trailing down his cheeks and he laughed bitterly as he swiped a hand across his face. He was lonely, had always been lonely – there wasn't a single person in the world who could understand him, not anymore. The one person who had been able to was dead, and Light had killed him.

Light laughed again, dropping his face into his hands and forcing down the desperate howl of misery that was clawing up his chest. It wasn't so terrible; this was what he had wanted, after all.

But was it?

_Stupid_. He was so stupid – he had his wish, had his dream. He was carrying out justice and cleansing the world of criminals! There was no need to mourn the man who had stood in his way. So Light had allowed himself to become caught up in a romantic relationship with him – he had managed to overcome his human sentiments and kill L, even if he had loved him –

But that was the problem: he _had_ loved him, he still loved him and Light was lonely, _so _lonely and it was too much, too much to continue the act any longer. How was he supposed to keep it up when loneliness and boredom were eating away at his mind? He had thought things would get better once L was out of the way – he had never imagined that he would find himself plagued with boredom and loneliness. Not again.

But it was too much, and Light was powerless against his own mind – he could do nothing but regret everything he had done since taking the Death Note, everything he had done to L and everything he had deprived himself of. He was human too, he felt pain and fear and despair too and _god, Light felt despair._

He laughed hysterically, falling onto the couch and clutching his head in his hands. It was a fucking tragedy, he thought savagely. He was a bloody tragedy, wallowing in his own guilt and angst as he pined away for the man he had killed so mercilessly. He had smiled as L died, and he felt sick. How could he have smiled? How could he have wanted that?

It was useless and stupid, mourning L so long after his death, but Light no longer had any control. L was there, always there, hovering over his shoulder and watching Light's every move. He would be there until the moment he died, Light realized. He would never escape L's ghost, and Light wondered if he even wanted to.

_Light-kun._

It was tragic, and Light had never wanted to die like he did in that moment.

* * *

_L is dead._


	42. Hope is the Thing With Feathers

_A/N: I do not own anything of Emily Dickinson's (I believe the poem is called 'Hope'?). I also do not own any words of Jane Austen's (kudos to those who spot the reference - I think it's fairly obvious) and let's just repeat the fact that I don't own Death Note._

_Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter._

* * *

**Hope is the Thing With Feathers**

L had known the end was near when Soichiro Yagami had joined them at their desolate and lonely bench in the empty train station. He and Wammy had been sitting in comfortable silence, one that was nowhere near unusual but perhaps longer than most: after spending so long in one another's company they had very little to talk about. L had long since ceased to rant and rage and despair over their untimely demise; his theories and thoughts had grown tiresome and eventually the two of them were left with nothing else to discuss. Wammy had told L every detail about his family life, had admitted all of his hopes and plans and L had done the same, until they knew each other better than they ever had. But even those conversations had grown old and stale.

So when Soichiro had joined them it had been both a blessing and a curse. The end was coming, L had realized, if Light had descended so far into madness that he would allow his own father to die.

Soichiro had died believing his son was innocent; how Light had managed that L wasn't certain, but he had eventually explained the truth to the older man. Had forced him to open his eyes and see what had been there in front of him all along.

Soichiro had only just begun to forgive him when Matt had shown up.

L had never introduced himself as _L_, but Matt was smart and seemed to know right away. He had smiled upon seeing him and Wammy and sighed in relief.

"So Mello isn't here, then?" he asked. It had always been common knowledge that where there was one the other followed, so L had supposed that Mello, wherever he was, was not far behind.

He had been right, of course. Only minutes had passed before Mello was stepping out of the fog and stumbing towards Matt, his arms outstretched and his face twisted in despair.

"I'm so sorry, Mattie," he choked. "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to die,"

He was almost unrecognizable, with that scar marring half of his beautiful face and his hair long and in his eyes. L felt grief well up in him like it hadn't for years and wondered why things had had to come to this.

"It's fine, Mels. I knew what I was getting myself into,"

"You never wanted to be his heir! It wasn't your battle,"

L was amazed by the affection Matt clearly held for Mello; it was evident in his smile and the easy way he tucked a strand of hair behind Mello's ear.

"Your battles have always been my battles,"

Mello had always been overly emotional, so it didn't surprise L or Wammy when he sobbed and clutched Matt to him in a fierce embrace.

"He..." L knew, of course, what had befallen Soichiro's daughter and he knew that ultimately, Mello was just as responsible for Soichiro's death as Light was.

"Everything he has done has been done to solve the case and to stop Kira," L murmured. Soichiro slowly shook his head.

"I know that now, and I can forgive him for that. But I just – he's so young,"

"He's still just a child," Wammy agreed.

"He was your daughter's age," L added as he slowly got to his feet. He had thought he was done grieving, but there was so much guilt coursing through him, so much regret; he had loved Mello _so much_ and he had been the one to sign his life away.

He didn't deserve the ecstatic smile that made its way across Mello's face when he finally looked away from Matt and saw L standing there. He didn't deserve the unbridled affection with which he called L's name and he most certainly didn't deserve the love that Mello smothered him with as he launched himself at L and hugged him fiercely, just as he had as a child.

He didn't deserve any of it, but L couldn't keep himself from returning the embrace and holding Mello close to him, glad despite everything, that Mello was here, with his soft golden hair tickling L's chin and his tears soaking into his shirt.

He wanted to apologize desperately, for everything, but the words would not come and all L could do was hold Mello and pretend, just for a moment, that they were alive and in his rooms back at the orphanage.

"I am so sorry, Mihael. You did not deserve this fate," Mello made a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a sob.

"It's okay now, everything is okay now. You're here, Wammy's here and Matt's here – it'll be okay. And I helped solve the case! Without Matt and I doing what we did, Near would have never been able to solve it on his own!" Matt laughed.

"So it worked, did it?"

"Of course it worked!" Mello barked. "I couldn't let your death be in vain. It worked, and within a few days everything will be over,"

"We are so proud of you," Wammy said warmly, smiling from his seat beside Soichiro, who looked apprehensive but not hostile like L had feared.

"Why don't you tell us exactly what you did before we tell you if we're proud or not," L suggested, though he was proud enough as it was.

* * *

It could have only been days after Matt and Mello's appearance when the station finally came to life with the sound of rumbling and eventually the bell of a train. L had looked to Wammy in surprise; they had been here so long, but never before had a train pulled into the station.

"Are we supposed to get on?" Mello asked. L shrugged.

"I have no idea, we haven't seen a single train since we arrived here," he admitted.

They watched interestedly as an impossibly long, gleaming black train pulled into the station. As the doors slid open hundreds of people spilled forth. They were intangible, nothing more than hazy blurs and faint voices as they passed by, rushing over to what L realized was another platform hidden in the mists. These were the trains to the afterlife, whatever or wherever it was.

"I do believe that we are meant to board the train. We have been waiting for so long that it only seems appropriate," Wammy said calmly, slowly getting to his feet. Soichiro followed suit and smiled at the three younger men.

"It must be the case – see how the compartment has lined up almost perfectly with us? This is where we are meant to go," He and Wammy made their way to the train with peace written across their features and L realized that their time had come – they were more than ready to finish their journey and find whatever solace might be granted to them. L supposed that he too had to make peace with his fate, and indeed he thought he had, but there was a nagging feeling holding him back even as Matt and Mello followed the older men onto the train.

L stood and slowly walked to the compartment door before suddenly stopping. His hand rested on the edge of the door and he could feel the train thrumming beneath his hand. He wasn't certain when it would depart, but there was something he had to do, one last thing –

Ah.

"L, what are you waiting for? What if the train leaves without you?" Mello asked from where he had seated himself, curled up by Matt's side. L smiled and stepped back down.

"There is someone I'm waiting for," he admitted. Wammy and Soichiro were quick to realize whom he was speaking of, but it took Mello a few moments before he figured it out.

"Him? You're waiting for Kira?" L smiled.

"I am,"

He couldn't say how, but he knew that Light was on his way and that although the train was departing soon, he would miss it if it meant meeting Light one last time.

L stepped backwards and smiled at Mello, who was looking at him with concern.

"If I miss this train, I will catch the next one. Although I don't think you will have to worry,"

He was here, after all.

Despite Mello's protests, L stepped away from the train and walked back to the bench that had become so familiar to him. He stopped just beyond it and waited.

Within moments, Light Yagami came into view, looking as though he hadn't aged a day past eighteen, dressed in the same set of clothes L had last seen him in.

He looked at L with wide, haunted eyes.

"...L," for all he had expected, L had not counted on his throat tightening unexpectedly upon hearing Light's voice again. He swallowed with some difficulty before answering.

"Kira," the hurt that swept across Light's face was an expression that was his alone, the same look he had often worn during the months in which they were chained together.

"No, it's ...gone. It's just me," he said this with a sense of wonder and disbelief, as though he hadn't realized the fact beforehand and was only just discovering it now.

It was so simple, really, and L finally understood.

"Where are we?" Light asked softly, looking down at the ground beneath him.

"In between. The train has finally arrived – it's time to move on," it was as though he had known it all along, and perhaps he had. L wondered if the others had known as well, if Wammy had had any idea of where they were or where they were going.

"I won't keep you then," Light sounded only a little bitter and L marveled at him. Did he honestly think that L was leaving without him? That after everything they had been through, L was going to just leave him now that it was over? He had questions, after all, questions that only Light could answer. And L had been waiting for him all this time – he had held them all back because he was waiting for Light.

The others could wait a bit longer, he supposed, while he convinced Light to come with them.

"Light – "

"I can't forgive myself," his voice was despairing, full of regret and anguish. L wondered what he had gone through and how this tiny fragment of his soul had remained intact and untainted by Kira.

"I forgive you," L murmured. Light looked up from the ground with heartbreak written across his features.

"I tried L, I really did. I fought with everything I had, but it wasn't enough,"

"I know," he hadn't, actually, but he did now, because it was all so obvious. He had been such a fool to not realize that Light had needed help, that Light had been worth saving after all, if only he had tried harder. Perhaps if he had tried harder, if he had tried to reason with Kira rather than give up and wait for the end, he might have spared them all.

"He's gone now – Kira is gone. He's somewhere else, neither heaven nor hell, just like Ryuk promised," L didn't know who Ryuk was, but concluded that he was the shinigami Light's – _Kira's_ notebook originally belonged to.

"And now you are free to come with me, where you belong," Light's eyes were reddening around the rims and L knew he was fighting with every last bit of willpower he possessed to keep from crying. It was strange to realize that he still knew Light so well.

"You don't ...how could you?"

"I will always love you," It was the easiest explanation, even if L's voice was strangely hoarse. Light covered his face with his hands and L couldn't be sure if he was laughing or crying.

"Why?"

It was so easy, even after all of these years, to step close to Light and gather him into his arms. This was what he had been waiting for.

"How could I ever begin to explain that?" L laughed thickly, and goodness, his eyes were tearing up, which was both strange and embarrassing. L remedied this by burying his face in Light's hair, which was as soft and sweet smelling as it had always been.

"I killed you,"

"Kira killed me – didn't you just say that you fought as best as you could?"

"I gave up though, once you died,"

"And yet here you are, while Kira must suffer an eternity in limbo,"

"I hate myself," his voice was feeble and L smiled.

"I love you. I love, love, love you," he sighed.

Light made a strangled noise of despair and looked up at L with blotched skin and red eyes.

"How can you love me, even now?"

"How could I not?" it seemed that Light didn't have an answer to this. With a sigh he slowly slumped forwards until his forehead was resting upon L's shoulder.

"We can move on now, Light. I have waited all this time for you – the least you can do is join me in the afterlife,"

"I missed you," it was muttered with a tone of defeat. L smiled victoriously.

"Come now, the train is leaving soon and we are getting on it together. Your father is there," L tugged his arm gently and began to lead him over to the train. Light frowned and wiped a hand across his eyes.

"He must hate me," They were at the bench again and L paused.

"He does not hate you. I do not think he could ever hate you. Not when he knows what I know,"

"I all but sent him to his death. I don't understand this," he muttered, looking back to the floor. "Why am I here? I don't deserve this,"

"I cannot say. Those in charge must have thought some part of you redeemable," Light sighed heavily. L looked up at the roof of the station, where a bird swooped overhead. He smiled.

"Hope is the thing with feathers," he began conversationally. Light looked up at him in confusion and L just waited expectantly.

"…that perches in the soul," Light replied, after much scrutiny on his part.

"And sings the tune without the words," Light's lips were lifting into a reluctant half smile, even as he turned his face away.

"And never stops at all," L smiled and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"It will be difficult, I'm sure, but I believe that everything will turn out in the end," Light frowned at L's hand before reaching out and pulling him into a kiss that L was not at all expecting. It was short, far too short and perhaps a little too chaste, but it was _Light_ and L was smiling like an idiot when they broke apart.

"Let's get this over with," Light sighed, and L chuckled –_chuckled_– as he continued to the coach and gestured for Light to enter before him.

L ignored the various reactions to Light's appearance and immediately looked to Wammy as he shut the door behind them, seeking reassurance he had not know he had needed. He was vaguely aware of Mello's horror and the emotional reunion between Light and his father, but at that moment he only cared for Wammy's opinion.

The older man smiled at him and for the first time since his death, perhaps for the first time in his life, L felt at peace.


	43. Empire

****_A/N: Yes, I listened to NIN's 'Hurt' while writing this. Actually it was Johnny Cash's version but I'm disclaiming their lyrics so there you have it._

* * *

**Empire**

Death, Light thought absently, was not supposed to hurt like this.

He could understand the physical pain: he'd been shot, after all, and a bullet tearing through your body –ripping through muscles and organs and shattering bones– was bound to hurt.

No, the pain bothering was something more akin to spiritual pain, or perhaps emotional pain. Except he had all but forgotten about emotions, distracting and useless as they were; all there had been was constant boredom and underlying anger.

Light felt laughter bubble up in his chest and spill out over his lips very much like the blood leaking steadily from his various wounds, soaking into his clothes and staining the stairs beneath him.

He was both incredibly angry and incredibly relieved, simultaneous thoughts of _it cannot end like this_ and _oh thank god it's finally over _warring with each other, rebounding against the walls of his mind until he felt his head might split from the pain, from the feeling of everything crumbling around his feet and what was the _point_, if it was only meant to end like this?

And there was that stupid little voice in the back of his mind, the one that was overjoyed and bitter and gleeful and so _annoying_, reminding him of his failures and boasting that this was the only way it could have ended, that Light had been stupid, so utterly _stupid_ if he had thought that his plans were sustainable.

_And really, who would have managed to keep things going after you died? You could never settle for somebody else completing your life's work._

Light laughed again, a high, thin noise.

What had been the point? Had it truly been worth it?

It was so stupid, to be laying here dying –

_Nonononono I'm not dying! _

– and wondering if it had all been in vain. He couldn't be here, on his deathbed, second-guessing himself and wondering what it had all been for. No, he couldn't be doing this to himself, not now, _not now_.

_Look at you now, Light Yagami_, he thought wearily. _Look at you now, bleeding out like a gutted animal, alone and abandoned._

He wondered what his mother and sister would think when they found out. He felt an overwhelming surge of guilt as he imagined his mother reacting to the news. She would be heartbroken, absolutely shattered – she had loved him so much and whether she had truly son wasn't an issue, she had loved the man she thought to be her son and it was ridiculous, to feel guilty about something he really couldn't control. It wasn't his fault that the stupid woman chose to see only what she wanted to see, not the truth that was right in front of her –

_Light, you look sad. Is everything okay?  
Of course it is. What could be wrong?  
You're right, of course._

Stupid, ridiculous, _intuitive_ woman. Light wondered what might have happened, had he admitted that he despised his life and the world in general; that he wanted nothing more than to _tear apart_ those who annoyed him with his bare hands; that he was so bored and so lonely that he no longer had the strength to bother any longer.

She had been close, but why bother something when it looks to be in order?

That would just be asking for trouble.

She would be so _horrified_, when she learnt the truth.

All Light could muster was a vague sense of regret.

What did it matter, anyways? The feelings, all those pesky feelings were disappearing now, fading away like the final rays of sunlight as it slipped below the horizon. Light was glad that the unraveling of his empire was at least beautiful, that he had been graced with this one last thing as he took his dying breaths.

His sanity must be going too, because surely _L_ couldn't be standing there in front of him, watching as he struggled to take his every breath. That _bastard_ L, the one who had _known_ everything but had no proof, no proof at all and he would have won, Light thought wearily. L would have won, had Light not had supernatural forces bent to his will.

_You could have had it all_.

L inclined his head as though acknowledging this bitter thought, although it never made it past Light's lips. Even if he could speak, he had no will to do so. All the strength was fading fast from his body and he could barely bring himself to continue breathing, but his body forced him to. He wished he could just die and get it over with because this was dragging on far too long and it _hurt_, all those broken thoughts, jagged shards of _what if _and _could have been_ and it was over now, wasn't it?

"We might have been friends, Light-kun. We might have worked together, you and I. Wonderful, fantastic, absolutely _beautiful_. Like a well oiled machine. We could have been perfect, you and I," and wasn't that an old, familiar wound. How many nights had Light lain awake, wondering how things might have turned out, had he never picked up the notebook. If he and L had always been destined to meet, regardless of the time and place.

Or if he had somehow skewed fate by involving himself with the supernatural.

He didn't believe in fate, though. Didn't believe in much of anything, despite the physical proof of otherworldly beings and unearthly powers.

L stared at him, silent now and Light wondered if L had been waiting for him from the very moment of his own death. Waiting for Light's end so he could watch as his greatest enemy took his last breaths in a dingy warehouse with a beautiful sunset spilling in through the open windows.

It hurt.

His empire was crumbling, turning to dirt before his very eyes and already it was next to nothing. Because it could never be anything without him, it would just fade away into a long-forgotten memory, into a paragraph in a dusty history textbook.

"This is it, Light. This is the end for us," L murmured, stepping a little closer, and Light thought he was probably right, because he felt as though he couldn't catch his breath, couldn't breathe in deeply enough, couldn't breathe at all and –

It hurt.

* * *

_If I could start again, I would keep myself;  
I would find a way._


	44. Turpentine Kisses and Mistaken Blows

A/N: So I apologize for the long wait, it's kind of been a busy month. First I had to find a job, then I found one, then I had to start commuting to work. I also discovered A:TLA and the fandom and lost myself amidst my new ships (jetko, anyone?). Then I began playing Mass Effect (SHAKARIAN) and lost any sort of control over my life - if you haven't played it go and do so _now_. All three of them. Anyways, I had to hurry through them because I'm moving out in two days and am not taking a tv or any gaming consoles with me - SO I HAD TO FINISH THEM IN A MONTH.**  
**

So here is what a month of procrastination and a lack of inspiration has produced. I can't promise any updates within the next couple of weeks (hello moving out and new apartment and finding a second job) but I _am_ going to finish this, even if it kills me.

Enjoy, and review please! (And thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed the last few chapters - I don't always get around to responding but your words mean everything to me and brighten my days!)

(Also I might have misused 'and'. I can't be bothered).

* * *

**Turpentine Kisses and Mistaken Blows**

Some days are better than others, L reflects wearily. Some days Light is cheerful and helpful in every way – he can be utterly adorable and loving and the most attentive and selfless person in the world.

Other days he is volatile, hateful and full of spite. On those days it takes every ounce of willpower L possesses to keep himself from hitting Light, no matter how often the younger man might lash out at him.

Light is mentally unstable, after all, and he is L's responsibility.

How could he have known that he would become romantically involved with his suspect, who was seven years his junior and suffering from a personality disorder while simultaneously taking on the mantle of a god and spiraling down into madness? He isn't sure if he would have acted any differently, had he been aware of the very real possibility of falling in love with his number one suspect. Light is the only person to have ever affected him in such a way and L has to wonder if Light is the only person whom he could ever simultaneously hate and love so much.

Rehabilitating Light is a hard job, especially with Light's mind seemingly torn between his two dominant personalities and L's inability to punish him in any way other than isolation – he often curses his softness but there is nothing to be done, not when he has seen the soft and innocent side of Light Yagami, who suffers the burden of his sociopathic and narcissistic other half.

L often wishes that he had forced Light to give up his memories, and often thinks that if he were given the opportunity, he would push Light to do so even now. Unfortunately, the option is unavailable to him and he has the rest of his life to regret his decision and try to help Light recover as best as he can.

If only it weren't so tiring.

* * *

When L shuffles into the living room where Light is watching television, he is unsure of what sort of mood Light is in. He pauses in the doorway and takes in Light's posture: shoulders tense and back ramrod straight. His arms are crossed and he doesn't turn to look at L even though L has made enough noise to be noticed.

It is a bad day, then. L sighs and makes his way further into the room.

"Why are you sighing?" argumentative; it is unfortunate, because L is in no mood to play games and truthfully he had been hoping that Light was in a good mood today, so that he might take some time to relax after finishing a particularly nasty murder case in Brussels.

L ignores the bait and wearily sits himself on the sofa next to Light, glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes; Light stares ahead at the television, never once looking away from the screen. He's in quite a state, if he won't even look at L.

"No reason, I am just tired,"

"Maybe if you didn't stay up all night working you wouldn't be so tired," L resists the urge to sigh this time.

'I have insomnia, Light-kun. I don't sleep well,"

"I know that," Light snaps irritably. "I've only been your prisoner for the last five years,"

Ah, one of those days, L thinks tiredly. One of those days in which Light is hateful and bitter and wants to die because he hates L so much.

Not for the first time, L wonders why he bothers to put up with him.

"You are not my prisoner, Light-kun. You agreed to this when I presented the idea to you. For all intents and purposes, you are my patient," Light snorts inelegantly and tosses a glare his way.

"Right, and I'm supposed to believe that the sex you force me into is a part of the contract as well?" It is L's turn to glare now and he wishes Wammy were here because on days like these he can't handle Light by himself and Light has the unique ability to rouse L's temper faster than anyone else has ever managed.

"Light-kun knows that I would never force him into something he did not want and that I ask for consent every time in the event that you behave like this," Light sneers at him, finally tearing his gaze away from the television.

"Oh yes, because consent means everything when you know full well that you have the advantage here and that I have no option other than to do what you say,"

"It is a rare event that you ever do what I ask of you,"

"Oh forgive me, I forgot that who I'm speaking to. Heaven forbid you're denied something you want," L briefly considers slapping Light across the face before guilt surges through him, so strong that he can feel his face heating. He is not a particularly violent person and would never raise a hand against Light, especially given the difficult situation they are in, but he can't help but wish they could solve their arguments with a fistfight, like they had all those years ago. The physical altercations had often cleared the air between them, but L can't do that now, not when Light is like this.

"I will never force you into anything and you know that. Stop being so petty and get over yourself. You lost – you gave yourself up to me," Light fairly snarls and his eyes flash with anger.

"It was the worst decision of my life. I should have known that I was stupid enough to fall in love with the enemy," It unnerves L greatly to hear Light speak of himself like this and he has to work to make sure his discomfort doesn't show.

"I am not your enemy," L says wearily, wondering if the war will ever end. It is so hard to deal with this side of Light, the one who is so bitter and angry and absolutely full of hatred.

'You are!" Light insists. "I hate you – I _hate _you so much! I hate you for ruining everything, for interfering when you should have just sat back and allowed me to finish what I started! I hate you for taking my life away and for locking me up and chaining me up and caring so _much_!"

It is almost depressing, how the words have become so common that they no longer hurt him.

"I think," L says slowly. "That the person you truly hate is yourself, for falling in love with me," Light pauses and stares at L with something akin to horror, his mouth falling open before rage twists his features and his eyes darken impossibly.

"Shut up!" he snarls savagely, and L allows himself a small smirk, tilting his head to the side.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he asks, a little surprised to have stumbled across the truth so easily. Light's eyes fairly smolder and L's smirk widens almost imperceptibly. 'I am. You hate yourself for having emotions and for needing someone – for being human. You hate being dependent on others and here you are, dependent on me,"

L doesn't expect the open handed slap that Light delivers to his face.

In hindsight, he should have known better than to taunt Light when he is in such a volatile and unpredictable state. He should have known better, because as soon as he is able to comprehend what has happened he is filled with an all-encompassing rage and he wants dearly to return to blow and reclaim some of his lost pride.

Instead, he raises a hand to his cheek and turns his face back to Light, whose eyes are over bright, guilt marring his fine features.

"I am so sorry," he says, his voice nothing more than a whisper. L isn't quite ready to forgive him but Light looks heartbroken and L is a grown man who ought to have known better.

"I antagonized you," L mutters. Light shakes his head and closes his eyes, a faint line appearing over his brow.

"I don't – I lost control. I don't often hit people,"

"I remember you punching me during a certain date with a certain girl quite vividly,"

"That was different," Light argues, slowly opening his eyes again. "You could defend yourself then. You would never hit me now," L is surprised that Light had noticed and smiles faintly.

"I have only myself to blame. I should know better than to argue you with you when you are like that," he's trying to reassure Light, but somehow this only causes Light's face to harden.

"It's not fair," he mutters, and L raises his eyebrows.

"What isn't fair?"

"That you have to make exceptions for me. That you have to accommodate my needs based on who I am at any given time. You shouldn't have to deal with my ...issues," L sighs and hesitantly places a hand on Light's shoulder.

"I knew what I was getting myself into. Eventually you will have complete control of yourself again. You have made progress already, have you not?" He has, though admittedly it is not as much as L wishes it were, but this side of Light is the one that needs reassurances and affection and L usually enjoys fulfilling those needs. He's still feeling a little bitter about the slap, but it's hard to stay mad at Light when he's like this.

"I wish things were easier," Light mumbles, leaning into L. L allows the embrace to happen and hopes that Light is stable for the rest of the rest of the day – he doesn't feel up to any more arguments. He's already exhausted and the day has barely begun.

"We'll get there," L sighs, allowing his head to rest on top of Light's, feeling his silky hair brush against his chin.

"I hope it's sooner than later," L does too, but he doesn't say this aloud because Light will be understandably offended and there's no need to create any more drama.

Light falls asleep against him, slumping into his side and breathing evenly. L slowly sags against the arm of the couch and reclines there, with Light lying against him. The gentle rise and fall of Light's chest is soothing and eventually L finds his own eyelids falling, gently shuttering until they're too heavy to lift again and he follows Light into oblivion.


	45. Rings

I have all sorts of excuses but I'll just leave them up to your imaginations because, really, who cares?

As usual, thank you to all of the lovely people who have reviewed this thing - I most definitely don't deserve your praise and I every review makes me feel like exploding in joy.

* * *

**Rings**

It is very late, or quite early, depending on how you look at it.

They are watching reality television, the two of them slumped exhaustedly on the communal couch and their bloodshot eyes staring unseeingly at the drama unfolding on tv.

Light isn't quite sure how they came to the agreement that they would remain awake all night but here they are and he kind of wishes he was in bed and passed out but at the same time he is incredibly glad he is not, because he doesn't think he can handle another night of nightmares.

L never sleeps so it works out well for both of them.

"I can't believe I'm still awake," Light says dully, his voice rough and slurred and completely unlike himself. He watches L turn his head out of the corner of his eyes.

"Neither can I," he replies and Lights lips turn up in a weak smile, more of a grimace, really, but he thinks L understands.

"I'm so tired," he continues. L huffs a breath of laughter.

"We can retire upstairs,"

"No," Light says contrary to the bone. "I don't want to sleep,"

So they sit there in silence, watching domestic disputes and relationship advice until Light lists to the left and collapses onto L's shoulder.

L says nothing for a few moments, but eventually Light can feel his shaggy hair brushing the top of his head and he cranes his neck up while L looks down at him.

"Is Light-kun comfortable?"

Light smiles.

"Yeah," L turns away and they just sit there like that. It's nice, Light thinks, to be so close to another person. To feel that warmth and security but he'd like it better if he had a blanket, though he's too exhausted to reach behind him. Instead he allows himself to sag in closer to L until he's lying on his lap and L is forced to rest his feet on the floor like a normal person. L looks down at Light and raises his eyebrows.

"You look exhausted, Light-kun. Perhaps you should try to sleep,"

"No," Light says. "No, I can't take it anymore. All those nightmares – I don't want to dream," L falls silent so Light turns his head back to the tv and lays there and practically purrs in contentment as L pulls the throw off of the back of the couch and drapes it over him.

He's exhausted, so painfully tired and his body is begging him to fall asleep, for the sweet release of sleep but terror keeps him awake and Light cannot stand to let go of his hold on consciousness for fear of the horrifying dreams that plague him.

He has to force his eyes open, force himself to watch television and force himself to ignore the fact that L's lap is warm and comfortable and that this is probably the most intimate thing he's ever done with another person.

After a few more programs, Light turns his head to try engaging L in conversation when he is met with a surprising sight: L is fast asleep.

His head is tipped back and his eyes closed; his breathing is deep and easy and Light looks up at him, admiring the way his dark hair falls from his pale face. The rings under his eyes look darker than ever in the eerie blue glow of the television and Light feels immensely guilty, realizing that all of those suggestions that he try to sleep – that L was trying to herd him to bed so he himself could go to sleep.

L is human too, after all, and all humans needed to sleep. Even if they don't sleep much.

Swallowing heavily, Light turns his head again and presses in closer against L's legs. He finds the remote from its place next to his head and turns down the volume before settling into the couch and closing his own eyes.

He doesn't think L will fall back asleep if he wakes him, so this is the least he can do.

He slips into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Waking in the morning is a whole other sort of nightmare.


	46. Dust

**Dust**

"My father was my hero when I was little. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up," L looks up from the freshly turned earth and at Light Yagami's back. "He wasn't at home often because he was busy working, but I knew that he was working to make the world safer for us. I really admired him for that,"

L doesn't know what to say. But it doesn't seem like Light is expecting an answer.

"He was always so strong, my father. He was so tall and sturdy; I felt as though he were invincible. Like he could never be brought down,"

Light is grieving, L realizes. Light is grieving, standing in front of his father's grave with trembling shoulders and a thin voice that is nearly drowned out by the sound of rain.

"I really loved my father, you know. I did, I really did. He was so caring and always made sure to visit Sayu and I when he could. He always made time for us and he was always good to my mother. How many people can say they had such a good father?"

"Your father was a good man. A very good man," L means this. He greatly respected and admired Soichiro Yagami. Not because of any special intelligence like his son, but because of his devotion to his family and to his job. Soichiro Yagami had been a good and honest man and had tried to do the best he could for his wife and children.

L admired this. He still admires this.

"He was, wasn't he? He was such a good man, such a good father. He didn't deserve to die. Not like this,"

L is certain that Light Yagami did not kill his father. There is something terribly innocent and utterly depressing in the shivers that are racking Light's body.

"I'm tired of this, L,"

* * *

Neither Light nor Sayu cried during their father's funeral, L noted. The two of them sat side-by-side, pale and drawn. They wore identical expressions of despair and L noted how they had the same shaped eyes.

Sachiko Yagami cried silently, tears leaving glistening trails as they snaked down her cheeks. Her brother had an arm around her shoulders.

Neither Light nor Sayu Yagami cried during the funeral.

They sat as still as statues, staring straight ahead with the same blank gaze.

But L could see them from his seat, and he could see that they held hands.

It was sudden, but L realized that Kira or not, Light was only human.

* * *

During the ride to the hospital, Light had been tense and withdrawn. L had rather thought that Light was upset because he had made a mistake and his father was collateral. In fact, L had thought it possible that Light had purposely killed his father and was reacting in the way he thought plausible for the situation. L thought that Light wasn't capable of feeling remorse or guilt and probably had a difficult time feigning it.

When they were lead to Soichiro Yagami's corpse, L had admitted to himself that Light was a decent actor. Upon walking through the doorway and finding his mother sobbing into his father's chest, Light had frozen and taken in the scene with wide, disbelieving eyes.

While Light processed the full magnitude of what had transpired, L had allowed himself a moment to feel sorrow for Soichiro Yagami's death; the loss of a good man and competent police officer.

"I am sorry, Yagami-kun," L had said lowly, reverting to proper social etiquette out of respect. Light had turned around slowly, as though he still didn't understand what was happening and looked at L with eyes far too wide.

"He …my father can't be dead. He can't be," Light had muttered.

L thought that Light might not have been responsible for his father's death after all. Not directly.

"I am sorry, Light," he tried again. Light had shaken his head.

"No, he can't be. He was alive this morning, I saw him. I _saw_ him, Ryuzaki. I talked to him. How can he be dead now?"

L then realized that Light probably wasn't acting.

"Yagami-kun," L looked into the room. There was no hurry, no tension. Regret tinged the faces of the people in the room. The heart monitor had no sound, but the line was flat. Soichiro Yagami was definitely dead. "…I am so sorry. Truly sorry,"

Light had stared at him for one long moment with those wide, disbelieving eyes. L hadn't known what to do, so he had simply returned Light's gaze, hoping that he looked sympathetic.

And then Light had walked forward and buried his face into L's shoulder.

"It's all my fault," he had whispered, shuddering. L decided not to press the issue when he felt Light's tears seep into fabric of his shirt.

_Later_, he had said to himself. _Later._

* * *

L looked around nervously, though he worried needlessly. He and Light were the only people left standing in front of the tombstone.

"I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want my sister or my mother to die. I don't want to sacrifice my family,"

"You are Kira, aren't you Light?"

Light finally turned around, his wet hair clinging to his face, eyes dark and hollow against his pale skin.

He nodded.

"I'm not scared, you can do whatever you like with me. The only thing I ask is that if you decide to kill me, don't have a public execution. I don't want my mother and sister to see that. Not after this,"

It was strange, how true sorrow and genuine emotion could change L's perspective so dramatically. It was as though he were looking at Light Yagami for the first time.

And there were so many things that L wanted to ask. So many things that he wanted to discuss and understand and discover. He wanted to know why Light did it – _how_ he did it. He wanted to know what Light's weapon was and all the plans and schemes he had concocted to reach his goal. He wanted to know how Light Yagami, the brilliant genius who lived a charmed life, had fallen so far from grace.

But he wouldn't ask today. Instead, he stood silently by Light, who trembled with the weight of his grief.

_Later_, he thought again. _Later_.


	47. Every You, Every Me

**A/N: THIS IS IMPORTANT**. There are mentions of **child abuse** in this chapter_. _If you're uncomfortable with this then I would suggest not reading this chapter. I should also point out that I have never been a victim of child abuse and I do not claim to understand the pain that it causes. However, I am a person interested in the human psyche and the effect certain events can have on the human mind.

That being said, I really like this chapter and personally feel like it's one of the best pieces I've written. Not necessarily because of the content but because of the writing itself.

As always, thank you so much to those of you who reviewed. I greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments!

* * *

**Every You, Every Me**

"We are _so_ unoriginal," Light says, as emphatically as possible. L glances at him, tipping his head back as he takes a swig of the fancy red wine he's unearthed. Light takes a moment to admire the tendons and muscle shaping his neck before gesturing grandly and nodding at the bottle. "Look at us,"

"I fail to see what it is that has you so upset," L says, blank as ever and not even flushed though his eyes are large and a little glassier than normal and Light can't help but giggle and reach uselessly for the bottle of wine.

"We're supposed to be _amazing_. You and me – we're so smart. We're geniuses – we're the two smartest people in the world and here we are getting _drunk_," Light says, feeling affronted. This doesn't stop him from trying to pry the bottle away from L, who is looking at him funny.

"_You_ are drunk, Light-kun. You do not drink often, do you?"

Light huffs.

"I drink," he says, and then smiles. "I drink every day, Ryuzaki! I would _die_ if I didn't!"

"So Light-kun is an alcoholic,"

It's not even funny but Light finds himself giggling hopelessly.

"Yes," he says, and L hands him the bottle with a sigh, eyeing him as he takes a sip. Light decides he rather likes wine, even if it burns too much on the way down and makes his tongue feel numb.

"Look at us," he says again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Just look at us,"

"I'm looking,"

"You're _not_," Light replies, a little annoyed that L isn't seeing the picture. "It's like, how many people do you think are doing this right now? We're supposed to be these two special _people_ and yet here we are – drinking. Just like millions of other people,"

"We are people, Light-kun,"

"We're _better_ than people," Light corrects. "We're much better – and yet we're the same. It's _astounding_,"

"We're not any better," L says, though Light knows this is a lie because he sees the way L looks at the rest of the taskforce when they don't follow them and he's bitched about Matsuda at length many an evening.

"We are, we're much better. You and me, we see things differently. We see the truth – no one else does. No one else knows how cold and hard and unforgiving this world is. It's terrible,"

"You think the world is a terrible place?" L asks and alarm bells are ringing but he sounds so _interested_ and it's so hard to get L to sound interested in anything and all Light wants is for L to _notice_ him like Light notices _him_.

"Yes," Light breathes. "Yes,"

"Why?"

"It just is,"

"There has to be more than that, Light-kun. You're a smart boy, you know you need more than '_it just is'_ to prove an argument,"

Light considers his options. He's drunk, he knows it and he doesn't care, doesn't care about much at all.

"My cousin," Light says. "My cousin had sex with me when I was twelve,"

L stares at him.

"And when I thirteen, and fourteen. Until I was fifteen, actually. He graduated high school and went to study abroad. He's back in Japan now – remember? My father asked if I could spend a night at home so I could see him. I was glad you said no,"

"…I do. You looked relieved," Light nods and gestures for the bottle.

"I _was_ relieved. I was worried about what he would do. I'm a legal adult now, so I wondered …well, I'm here instead," L passes him the bottle without and Light takes a swig, large enough that it burns so bad his eyes start to tear up.

"Light, have you ever told anybody about this?" Light thinks that he should be worried by the bold use of his name but isn't.

"No. You can't tell anyone, especially not my father. He'd be so disappointed,"

For the first time since meeting him L looks stunned, so Light smiles at him.

"Don't look so shocked!"

"I think your father would be upset, not disappointed," he says softly. Light scoffs.

"Stop. You're not a shrink, okay? You don't even understand the most basic human emotions – you're a freaking robot! I should – well; it's my fault it happened. I could have stopped it,"

"Light, you cannot believe that," Light raises his eyebrows and tries to glare at the same time. L frowns and Light wonders what the result is.

"I do. I could have told somebody years ago and they would have believed me. My parents would have, at least. I could have taken control of the situation, but I didn't. I didn't want to ruin my family," He thinks about how his cousin told him he was perfect, even though he was always told that and even though he clearly wasn't. He wonders if L could even begin to understand.

"Why did you tell me this?" L asks, his voice heavy and Light wonders what's wrong with him.

"You asked me what made the world so terrible. I gave you an answer. People like my cousin make the world terrible," he takes another sip of wine and sighs, falling against L's side.

L doesn't say anything and Light thinks he should worry but he doesn't. He's warm and sleepy and pleasantly buzzed and even though a part of him knows he's going to hate himself in the morning he feels mostly relieved.

"I always forget," L begins after some time. "That you're actually human. That you think and feel just like everybody else does. That you put on a façade and have insomnia and get drunk,"

"I'm human too," Light mumbles. L laughs a little.

"I know. Sometimes. And when I see it I am forcibly reminded that I am human as well,"

There's a deeper meaning there, but he's half asleep and L is surprisingly comfortable and Light doesn't care if he's just missed a moment. He's having one of his own.

"Well good," he murmurs sleepily. "We'll be human together, just like the rest of the world. Every you and every me sitting alone and drinking tonight – we're all human," L takes the bottle back and raises it to the window.

"Every you and every me," he intones, his voice laced with bitterness and regret and sadness and the last conscious thought Light has is that tomorrow is going to suck because they're going to have to have a Major Talk.

And that L is probably a little drunk himself.


	48. Above

**A/N: **I only edited twice so it's probably full of mistakes. Oh well. I was going to buy myself wine tonight but I didn't and now I regret it.

I was standing on my balcony and debating the merits of throwing my (meager) stash of candy down to the kids, but ultimately decided against it because it is most definitely illegal to throw things from balconies. No read why Matt and Light can't, though. So HAPPY HALLOWEEN, and a virtual ray of love to all of you who might have been hit by the hurricane and live in the affected areas.

* * *

**Above**

_Light and Matt together is the worst_, Mello thought sourly. Especially when there was alcohol involved. Surprisingly, Light had turned out to be quite the drinker and once he got going, he really got going. Matt had always been fond of his alcohol, but had always been stupid while drunk – Light was too and it had been funny right up until the moment Matt had decided Light was his new favorite drinking buddy.

It wasn't Mello's fault he got cranky when he drank. He just really hated that weird swimming feeling in his head.

Even L drank, he noted bitterly as L peacefully made his way through a bottle of red wine. He didn't ever remember L drinking before, nor smelling alcohol on his breath, so he figured that drinking was a new habit for him. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism for the parasite that had attached himself to him.

It wasn't that he disliked Light – no, wait, he pretty much did. Kind of. The guy had his good points and he was smart, which was actually a pain in the ass, and he liked video games, which was galling because Matt _loved_ that and Matt was _Mello's_ best friend, not Light's, dammit!

No – he just disliked Light.

So he watched in disgust as Matt and Light stumbled out onto the balcony giggling about one thing or another. L watched them warily, calling at Light to stay away from the railing. Light obviously ignored him and draped himself over the railing, clutching a wine glass in one hand and pointing with another. Mello deeply resented the infectious laughter that was pouring from his mouth.

This was not he how had intended to spend his Halloween. But now that he and Matt were too old to go trick or treating they needed a means to candy and the obvious conclusion was to spend that night with L, who had candy no matter what time of year it was.

_Fuck Near_, Mello thought angrily. Little bugger could probably go trick or treating until he got wrinkles, the bastard.

"Holy shit, we should throw candy down to the kids!" That was Matt, wildly exuberant and loud. Light laughed excitedly and sloshed wine all over the ground. L sighed.

"_Yes_!" Light said with emphasis. He stumbled back inside and grinned wildly at L. "Give me some candy, we're going to give it to the kids!" he said, as though Matt and L hadn't just heard them. L blinked and then narrowed his eyes.

"From up here?"

"Yes," Light said firmly. "We'll throw it down to them,"

"I am fairly certain that that is illegal,"

Light scoffed.

"Pssh, yeah right! Whatever, if the police come we can just pay them off," Mello felt his jaw drop as he stared first at Light, who was the son of an NPA police chief and then at L, the greatest detective in the world.

L did not look at all ashamed. Instead he sighed and handed Light a bowl that contained what Mello knew to be his least favorite candy.

"Fine, but make sure you don't aim at the kids. We are quite high up and the force of falling candy from this height might hurt them," Light looked disappointed, to Mello's dismay. He had clearly intended on aiming for the children.

Mello wondered how on earth Light had been cleared of all charges.

"Fine," he huffed, before prancing back out to Matt, who whooped at the candy and immediately scooped up a handful.

"Hurry up!" Matt yelled needlessly. Light made a distraught noise and stared uselessly between his hands, one of which was holding the candy and the other his wine.

"_Fuck_," he said significantly. Mello snorted and L sighed again.

"Put the wine down, Light. This is _clearly_ more important than alcohol," Light was in profile and Mello could see the alarm that crossed his features before he relented with a dramatic sigh and, with surprising tenderness, placed his glass of wine on the ground beside him. Mello wondered how long it would be before he knocked it over.

Light grabbed a handful and leant over the balcony. Matt followed his move and they stared at one another.

"Ready?" Matt asked. Light nodded. "THROW!"

They threw the candy, really threw it instead of dropping it, and cackled delightedly as the candy began its descent the ground. Curious, Mello decided to join them at the balcony as he began to hear faint shrieks and laughter. Matt and Light dissolved into laughter before throwing more candy.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" Matt screamed, sounding more maniacal than jovial, but Mello knew his sentiments were pure. There was more laughter as the candy fell and Mello looked over the railing to see kids scrambling for the candy. Light waved briefly before throwing more and shouting something in Japanese, which he had a tendency to revert back to when drunk.

Light was still holding the bowl of candy, both he and Matt digging in for more handfuls. With a sigh Mello rolled his eyes and grabbed his own handful, ignoring Light's grin. He heard Matt whoop and then he threw his own handful, watching intently as it zoomed down to the kids. He couldn't help but laugh as some ducked out of the way and scrambled for cover while others stood with their hands open in an attempt to catch the candy.

When they heard the distant wail of sirens Light dumped the rest of the bowl over the railing and then ducked back inside, giggling hopelessly as he stumbled back over to L. Light collapsed on the couch, laughing and snuggling up inappropriately close to L, who rolled his eyes but looked down at Light with a sickeningly fond smile. Mello frowned but Matt pushed him inside, gasping with laughter.

"I hope those sirens weren't for us," he said breathlessly, plopping down beside Light, who opened one eye lazily and chuckled.

"We'll pay them off," he slurred. L huffed and rolled his eyes skyward.

"I will pay them off," he corrected and Light hummed far too contentedly.

"Yeah," he said dreamily, before trailing off in an unintelligible string of Japanese. Mello had never been fluent in it anyways, having preferred Eastern European languages himself, but both Matt and L were and they laughed at whatever it was Light had said.

"Okay, Mels looks like he's going to blow a gasket, so let's watch his movie now," Matt said considerately. Mello smiled, finally, and nodded.

"_Yes_! Nothing completes Halloween like horror movies!" he said excitedly. Eyes still closed, Light grimaced and Mello felt himself grin.

_Ah yes, payback_, he thought happily.

Although payback for what, he wasn't quite sure. But figured it didn't matter.

Payback was payback, regardless of the reason.


	49. Project

Happy 2013. I haven't entirely abandoned this endeavor, but I have been busy with other writing. This is a continuation of chapter 47, which means there are mentions of child abuse. The truth is that this idea intrigues me and I'm considering finishing out the prompt list with this idea.

Regardless, sorry about the very long wait, and enjoy.

* * *

**Project**

Getting Light to wake up is a project in and of itself. He groans and mumbles and buries his face deeper into the pillow and L knows he is faking – he didn't drink enough to be hung over and L made sure he drank enough water before allowing him to fall asleep.

The logical conclusion, then, is that Light remembers bringing up the one subject he obviously never intended to bring up with anyone ever.

Unfortunately for the both of them, L thinks that they're going to have to deal with it because _a)_ it is going to cause problems if Light is so embarrassed he can't even look at him and _b) _it is a serious issue that warrants a deep discussion and some form of action, especially considering the circumstances. The revelation suddenly clears up a lot of things L has wondered about Light and even though L is certain that Kira would never admit to it, a past of sexual abuse is more than enough to drive someone to commit mass murder.

It is a project that L had never wanted to embark on, but he has no choice. He is an adult, loathe as he is to admit it, and he needs to deal with this. Light needs to deal with this, _now_.

"I know that Light-kun is awake and only faking sleep because he does not want to talk to me."

"Mmmm."

"I also know that Light-kun does not wish to revisit the conversation we had last night, but what you said is understandably disturbing and I truly believe that it must be discussed."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Light says blithely, far too blithely for someone who is pretending to be asleep and L rolls his eyes.

"Light-kun told me that his cousin sexually abused him as a child."

Light visibly stiffens under the duvet.

"...I was drunk…"

"And because his inhibitions were lowered Light-kun spoke the truth."

Silence. Getting Light to cooperate in private is like pulling teeth, L thinks wearily. He hadn't slept last night, couldn't sleep last night, after the little nugget of unpleasant history Light had provided.

"...Well, regardless, it was a long time ago and it hardly matters now," his voice is hesitant and L knows that Light knows he is wrong, wrong, _wrong_ and it most definitely matters because Light, no matter what he says, is too afraid to even _see_ his cousin again.

"Light-kun said that he was glad I didn't allow him to go home so he wouldn't have to see his cousin."

With a heavy sigh, Light finally sits up and glares at L from underneath his rumpled fringe.

"Fine. But if we're going to talk about this you need to speak like a normal person, not an idiot."

"Fine."

They both fall into silence and L wonders why he had to do this. _Because you are a responsible adult and Light is only eighteen years old and very unstable_.

"Why didn't you tell your family?"

Light sighs again.

"How could I have told them? 'Oh, dad, sorry to tell you, but Yuujiro has been having sex with me for years. Just thought you should know,'" L notes that Light doesn't say _rape_. "Like that would go over well."

"You don't think your father would have believed you?" Light frowns and directs his gaze to the bed.

"He would have believed me…" But there is something in his voice that suggests he does not believe that. "But it would have shattered him. My cousin's family – they're close to ours. I couldn't be the one responsible to ruin it. And besides, I was old enough to stop it, but I didn't," That again, and L wonders why Light, who is so smart and studying law, blames himself when it is obvious that he is the victim.

"You said you were twelve," Light shrugs.

"Yeah. When he – yeah. There was a bit, small things before though."

"He molested you," Light grimaces and shoots L a dark look.

"Don't say that it sounds ...it makes me ...it's gross."

"It is," L agrees. "But that is what it was."

"It wasn't," Light argues, unbelievably. "I could have – I didn't – I made him think I wanted it, I never fought him - "

"Of course you didn't," L says, feeling horrified in a way he hasn't since A's suicide and he wonders why he has to involve himself in these sorts of situations. "You were a child, how could you have argued with someone you obviously cared about and respected? He took advantage of you, Light."

"He didn't," Light insists, and L realizes with a jolt that Light is _ashamed_, deeply ashamed, and of _course_ his is, with pride like his. He is ashamed of being weak and unable to fight back and he doesn't want to be a victim because for Light, being a victim means being weak.

"He did," L says lowly. "You are the victim here, Light. Not him. You know you are, even though you hate it," Light growls and buries his face in his hands.

"Why do you care?" he asks roughly. "What does it matter to you? All you're going to do is use it against me, to form evidence! Now I've got a motive, don't I? Now I have a reason for killing people – isn't that enough?"

If it weren't such a serious conversation, L would ask if he were confessing, but he knows that he isn't.

"This ...the case does not matter right now. This will not matter until I have proof that you are Kira."

"I don't believe you," Light says flatly, and L has to give him that one because _damn_ if this doesn't work against Light in all sorts of ways.

"You don't have to," L says mildly. "But you need to accept that you were abused and that your cousin raped you," Light seems to shrink into himself.

"Don't say that," he almost pleads, almost. Humiliated, but he has to accept it. They can't pretend that this never happened and move on, L has an obligation to do something and it's likely that Light has reached the end of his rope. There is only so much the mind can take before it breaks and it seems as though Light has reached that breaking point, or he wouldn't have said anything even while drunk.

"He didn't rape me," Light says, his voice small and so weak that L is certain he doesn't actually believe the words coming out of his mouth. "I wanted it, then. I don't now, but I did then."

"_Bullshit_," L says fiercely, surprising even himself as Light lifts his face from his hands in shock. "You are smart and you have always been smart. You knew what was happening was wrong and you knew that you were not willing; you just felt like there was nothing you could do about it."

Light stares at him for a moment, unblinkingly, his face pale and his eyes dark before burying his face in his hands again.

"What could I have done?" he asks lowly, quietly and L finds himself feeling sympathetic towards the boy for the first time since they've met. He wouldn't wish this on anybody, not even Light, who might be Kira.

"For someone like you, it must have felt like you could not do anything but wait until he left," L says quietly.

"But I should have done something, is what you're saying."

"Should have," L agreed. "But you couldn't. There is no reason to blame yourself for that. Your cousin is entirely at fault," A fine tremor wracks Light's body but he says nothing and is otherwise still. They stay like that for a few moments, equally silent until Light releases a shuddering sigh and slides back down under the covers, on his side.

"I don't feel well," he says, pulling his hands from his face and his eyes are so dark, too dark and too bright in his white face. He stares blankly at the spot next to L's hip and L is fairly certain he has never felt this bad for anything ever in his life. It is this unfamiliar sympathy that makes him reach out and gently place his hand on Light's head, for just a moment.

"I will tell the task force that you have the flu," he says before removing his hand from Light's soft hair and then himself from the bed. He shuffles over to the door and glances at Light, who makes a pathetic figure huddled under the covers. "...Would you like me to send up your father?"

There is another long silence, so long that L assumes that Light is ignoring him now and opens the door, about to leave when Light finally speaks.

"…No, no yet. Please, not yet," he says whispers, his voice hoarse on the on the edge of breaking. L wonders if he is crying yet.

"Okay. I will be back in a few moments. Please do not leave the room," Light says nothing, just exhales a shuddering breath and L leaves the room, gently shutting the door behind him.

In the hallway, he releases his own shaky breath and wonders how he is supposed to deal with this.


End file.
